Motivation letter proofreading --Help me, please. This scholarship means everything to me.

Hi, Ive done this six times, but I will keep doing until I get it right. Please help me make my letter sound less extensive and more straightfoward, this scholarship means the world to me, here is my letter.

Dear Admission Coordinators,

Through the following words I hope to express my interest and strong desire to participate in the Erasmus program at the University of Groningen. I am nineteen years old, and I am currently a Psychology student at the Universidad Nacional Autonoma in Honduras.
I decided to apply not only because I fervidly want the unique chance to interact with students and scholars from all over the world, but I also want to learn more about the diverse world I live in. As Augustine of Hippo rightly said, "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." My interest does not lie only in the experience of travelling abroad though. I wholeheartedly believe it could be valuable to me on both an educational and personal level.

Even though my time at college has been short, and the classes I have taken have been relatively few, I am confident that the study of psychology, particularly of personality and its development, has broadened my understanding of my society and the people within. I am a passionate student; I´ve attended several psychology conferences and workshops within the University in an attempt to absorb as much as I can about this precious and valuable science. I love my career, and I believe in it, to the extent that I think its integration in society could make a remarkable difference. On that note, one of my ultimate goals upon graduation is to integrate psychological services to resolve conflicts that threaten peace in Honduran society.

Throughout my short life, I have seen my country destroy itself. This is one of my most fervent motivations. Honduras has one of the highest murder rates in the world; it is also known as one of the most corrupt countries in Latin America. My country's self-destruction has not only been caused by its extreme violence and corruption, but by the deadliest behavior of all - ignorance. Peter F. Drucker said: "Today knowledge has power. It controls access to opportunity and advancement." Drucker was not speaking solely about academic intelligence, but about wisdom, creativity, and the ability to give birth to life-changing ideas. I want to bring my own life-changing ideas to fruition so my fellow citizens may slowly, but surely, see that change is the only way forward. I am willing to try, one step at a time, for myself and for my country. Moreover, I am not the type to give up at the first try; I am purposeful and detail-oriented.

Another of my biggest motivations is to, one day, get a masters in forensic psychology. Forensic psychology centers upon the study of criminal minds and applies psychology in the field of law. In Honduras, there are barely any forensic psychologists, and in a country so consumed by violence and criminality, we cannot afford to have such a limited number of people in such a vital field. I strongly believe that psychology needs a voice in the study and handling of violence in Honduras; the potential for change is invaluable, and it is this potential that encourages me to strive for social change. I consider myself to have the aptitude needed to become a social scientist, especially because I have great social sensibility and initiative. Understanding and acting upon the needs of a collapsing society in terms of mental health will be my contribution to my country.

Groningen University is my first choice not only for its offer of a broad and complete Psychology program and for its dedication to research and investigation, but also because it is authentically international and warmly welcomes students from all over the world. The idea of coexisting with such cultural diversity is fascinating! My desire to be a part of the student body is strengthened by the fact that the university has recently won the International Student Satisfaction Excellence Award. Attending Groningen would be a challenge which would lead me to personal and professional growth. I hope to have a life changing experience before I can start helping others change their lives.
I am pleased to have this opportunity to be heard, and I deeply appreciate the time and consideration you have given to my application. I hope that it has left the impression that I am a student worth accepting.
Rosemary Ochoa