Motivation Letter: PhD Biology Research

Question

I have asked for advice on several letters. Each has a unique format and approach (in my opinion). The issue I am having is though although my CV is very impressive, my writing is lacking. I have this idea that my CV will speak for itself, but I am starting to believe that is not the case. Here is my most recent letter. Thank you for your input. Do not worry about hurting my feelings

I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. position you posted as part of the XYZ International Doctoral Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. programs, I am confident that your project best meets my career goals and aspirations.

I completed a comprehensive master’s degree in Biomedical Science with a specialization in immunology. In this program I learned about the complex mechanisms of the immune system and how the body’s natural defenses can be exploited for the development of novel therapies. Alongside my studies, I actively sought out independent research positions, requiring a high level of self-motivation, problem solving, and critical thinking skills.

Your project immediately piqued my interest, both because of the nature of the material and the significant therapeutic importance of this work. It is estimated that 10-40% of population in the developed world is allergic to one or more environmental allergens. As a Ph.D. student I look forward to building upon my knowledge of the molecular mechanisms involved in the hypersensitivity response and working with XYZ's platform to further define the functional role of antibodies.

In addition to my training in research, I completed a Master Year 1 in management. This program focused on strategic planning, efficiency studies, and teamwork, areas that I know are critical for a project’s success. Moreover, my international experience has taught me how to work with individuals from different backgrounds, learn from them, and challenge my own paradigms.

I am convinced that this project is the next logical step in my career. My passion for research, combined with my professionalism and openness, will make me an effective part of your team.

Attached is a copy of my CV for your consideration. Please let me know if you require any additional documents or information.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to your positive response.

Clive · Accepted Answer

I've already offered you some advice. Here is a little more.

In my opinion, you need to focus much more on the future research you want to do. That's what the reader mainly wants to know. Lead with that.

Don't lead with the past, eg 'I completed a comprehensive master’s degree . . . '

Try to avoid telling the reader what he, as a more senior scientist, already knows,
eg It is estimated that 10-40% of population in the developed world is allergic to one or more environmental allergens.
If you must say such things, relate them to yourself, by saying eg I know that . .

You said ' I have this idea that my CV will speak for itself, . . . ' It won't.
If the cover letter is not good, the selector will not bother to read the CV.

Clive.

L Winterbourne · Answer

Thanks Clive. Ok I will do this. Thanks. I guess I am reading all these cover letter examples and people seem to be talking about what they did as related to the company, but this is a PhD. Ok I am taking your suggestions. I will post my changed here

L Winterbourne · Answer

Thanks Clive. I have used these comments to make another letter, but I feel the last two paragraphs are a bit of a mess. Not sure how to make it better. Maybe get rid of them or ... change them entirely? I believe I addressed 1. Why is lab 2. My future goals 3. Not mention too much my past experience . This is a letter for a new project, but I based it off your other comments. I just felt i had to stop making so many threads) P.S: I feel like I am getting to the edge of my English vocabulary, I realize there are many repeated words.

It is with great pleasure that I write to you in application for the Ph.D. position you posted as part of theXYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. programs, I am confident that your project best meets my career goals and aspirations. Specifically, I am interested in building upon my knowledge of the immunologic mechanisms involved in Alzheimer’s disease, through the study of biochemical processes. It is my belief that a holistic approach to the study of this pathology will lead to tangible translational (or clinical) results. (Which do you think is best? or another phrasing entirely?)

As a young researcher, I always found myself asking, “What will this be used for?” I was motivated by the clinical application of my work, how it was part of the body of scientific knowledge, and how it related to other specializations. The study of neurodegenerative disease is innately interdisciplinary, requiring a profound understanding of neurology, cell-biology, immunology, and biochemistry. Furthermore, it is of significant therapeutic importance as Alzheimer’s disease increases in prevalence.

As a Ph.D. student on this project, I will apply my experience working with organotypic cultures in a new context. This is an exciting opportunity to form new research questions based on my previous experience. Although I have been introduced to the topics of lipid rafts and their role in pathogenesis in my biochemistry and clinical immunology course work, I am eager to expand my knowledge and learn about membrane organization in polarized cells, a topic outside of my expertise.

Finally, my international experience has taught me the importance of working with individuals from diverse background. Not only must you challenge your own paradigms, but also learn to communicate effectively. ( Can I just get rid of this?)

My scientific vision is to work at the interface of clinical and fundamental research. I ultimately hope to study the role exosomes in cell signaling with the translational goal of regenerating neuronal tissue in Alzheimer’s patients.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your positive response.

Clive · Answer

It is with great pleasure that I write to you in application for the Ph.D. position you posted as part of theXYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. programs, I am confident that your project best meets my career goals and aspirations. Specifically, I am interested in building upon my knowledge of the immunologic mechanisms involved in Alzheimer’s disease, through the study of biochemical processes. It is my belief that a holistic approach to the study of this pathology will lead to tangible translational (or clinical) results. (Which do you think is best? or another phrasing entirely?)
I prefer clinical. I don't know what translational means.

As a young researcher, I always found myself asking, “What will this be used for?” I was motivated by the clinical application of my work, how it was part of the body of scientific knowledge, and how it related to other specializations. The study of neurodegenerative disease is innately interdisciplinary, requiring a profound understanding of neurology, cell-biology, immunology, and biochemistry. Furthermore, it is of significant therapeutic importance as Alzheimer’s disease increases in prevalence. Doesn't the reader already know this? Does it show you are insightful?

As a Ph.D. student on this project, I will apply my experience working with organotypic cultures in a new context. This is an exciting opportunity to form new research questions based on my previous experience. Although I have been introduced to the topics of lipid rafts and their role in pathogenesis in my biochemistry and clinical immunology course work, I am eager to expand my knowledge and learn about (investigate ? ) membrane organization in polarized cells, a topic outside of my expertise.

Finally, my international experience has taught me the importance of working with individuals from diverse background. Not only must you challenge your own paradigms, but also learn to communicate effectively. ( Can I just get rid of this?) I would.

My scientific vision is to work at the interface of clinical and fundamental research. I ultimately hope to study the role of exosomes in cell signaling with the translational goal of regenerating neuronal tissue in Alzheimer’s patients.
I wonder if you should move this to near the top?

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your positive response.

Much better.. More motivated, more dynamic.
Clive

L Winterbourne · Answer

1. Translation is when you take fundamental research and move it into the clinical
2. I thought it made me sound for insightful? Like .... I understand that you should attack a problem from multiple perspectives and not all people consider .....
3. Investigate ... good call
4. Will delete paragraph
5. Working on the edits!! THANKSSSSSSSSS

L Winterbourne · Answer

I took the weekend to consider your suggestions. Here are my revisions

It is with great interest that I apply for the Ph.D. position you posted as part of the XYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. programs, I am confident that your project best meets my career goals and aspirations. Specifically, I am interested in building upon my expertise in immunology, through the study of biochemical processes.

As a young researcher, I always found myself asking, “What will this be used for?” I was motivated by the clinical application of my work and how it related to other specializations. My scientific vision is to work at the interface of clinical and fundamental research. I ultimately hope to study the role of exosomes in cell signaling with the translational goal of regenerating neuronal tissue in Alzheimer’s patients.

My clinical immunology and biochemistry courses introduced me to the role of lipid rafts in disease pathogenesis. In this role, I will extend my knowledge through the investigation of membrane organization in polarized cell. Furthermore, I will apply my experience working with organotypic cultures in a new context. I look forward to establishing myself as a research, under your guidance.

Finally, this position is an exciting opportunity to work with a group of innovative researchers. Through my international experience, I have come to realize that diversity stimulates creative discussions in science.

I look forward to discussing this project with you in more detail. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Clive · Answer

It is with great interest that I apply for the Ph.D. position you posted as part of the XYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. programs, I am confident that your project best meets my career goals and aspirations. <<<< I think the selector would like to see that the work of he program excites you and makes you eager to contribute. This sentence sounds like you just care about how the Program will help you and your career.
Specifically, I am interested in building upon my expertise in immunology, through the study of biochemical processes.

As a young researcher, << awkward, can you say it another way?

I always found myself asking, “What will this be used for?” I was motivated by the clinical application of my work and how it related to other specializations. My scientific vision is to work at the interface of clinical and fundamental research. I ultimately hope to study the role of exosomes in cell signaling with the translational goal of regenerating neuronal tissue in Alzheimer’s patients.

My clinical immunology and biochemistry courses introduced me to the role of lipid rafts in disease pathogenesis. As a PhD candidate, I will extend my knowledge through the investigation of membrane organization in polarized cell. Furthermore, I will apply my experience working with organotypic cultures in a new context. I look forward to
establishing myself as a researcher << sounds awkward?under your guidance.

Finally, this position is an exciting opportunity to work with a group of innovative researchers. Through my international experience, I have come to realize that diversity stimulates creative discussions in science.

I look forward to discussing this program (?) with you in more detail. My CV is attached. Thank you for your time and consideration.

L Winterbourne · Answer

Dear Clive,

Once again I have incorporated your suggestions into a new letter. I am however, having difficulty finding a way to re-word the statement marked in blue. Any suggestions? Do you think this letter is an over-all improvement? I did not focus much on my past, and I tried to show as much as possible why I am interested in this project and what my vision of this project is. I hope I have been successful in my efforts.

It is with great interest that I apply for the Ph.D. position you posted within the frame of the XYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. proposals, I am confident that your project best fits my career goals and aspirations. Specifically, I am interested in investigating plasticity in stem cells. I ultimately hope to study exosomes and cell signaling, with the translational aim of regenerating tissue in patients and engineering tissues for transplantation.

A research colleague once described me as a stem cell: a bit interested in everything and flexible to change. Your proposal immediately grabbed my attention. Not only because of the interesting material, but also because of how it relates to my previous work in dermatoimmunology on homeostasis, wound healing, and differentiation. As a Ph.D. student, I look forward to applying this knowledge in a new context.

Additionally, I am interested in working with Drosophila for in vivo experimentation. This platform will provide for rapid, cost effective testing and expedited discovery. In a short span of time, I will be able to assess how the cellular micro-environment can attenuate signaling pathways, both phenotypically and genetically. This is critical, when investigating the temporal effects of signaling pathways and the casual underlying processes related aging stress. (What else can I say? What questions should I answer?)

I am convinced that this program is the next logical step in my career. My high level of motivation, combined with my openness and professionalism, will enable me to develop innovative projects in research and contribute to your research efforts.

I look forward to discussing this program with you in more detail. My CV is attached. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Clive · Answer

Once again I have incorporated your suggestions into a new letter. I am however, having difficulty finding a way to re-word the statement marked in blue. Any suggestions? Do you think this letter is an over-all improvement? I did not focus much on my past, and I tried to show as much as possible why I am interested in this project and what my vision of this project is. I hope I have been successful in my efforts.

It is with great interest that I apply for the Ph.D. position you posted within the framework of the XYZ Program. Having reviewed several Ph.D. proposals, I am confident that your project best fits my career goals and aspirations. Do you really need to talk about your 'career goals' at all? Specifically, I am interested in investigating plasticity in stem cells. I ultimately hope to study exosomes and cell signaling, with the translational aim of regenerating tissue in patients and engineering tissues for transplantation.

Good >>> A research colleague once described me as a stem cell: a bit interested in everything and flexible to change. Your proposal immediately grabbed my attention, not only because of the interesting material no comma but also because of how it relates to my previous work in dermatoimmunology on homeostasis, wound healing, and differentiation. As a Ph.D. student, I look forward to applying this knowledge in a new context.

Additionally, I am interested in working with Drosophila for in vivo experimentation. This platform will provide for rapid, cost effective testing and expedited discovery. In a short span of time, I will be able to assess how the cellular micro-environment can attenuate signaling pathways, both phenotypically and genetically. I believe this is critical, when investigating the temporal effects of signaling pathways and the casual causal ? underlying processes related to ? aging stress. (What else can I say? What questions should I answer?) I don't know the field.. You are the expert.

I am convinced that this program is the next logical step in my career.<< again, do you think this is helpful to you, to say? I don't know. My high level of motivation, combined with my openness and professionalism, will enable me to develop innovative projects in research and contribute to your research efforts.

I look forward to discussing this program with you in more detail. My CV is attached. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Overall,this is much better than your first effort. I think you are now at a point where you can rely on your own best judgement, Try to read it as if you are the selector.
I'm going to leave this thread now. Good luck!

Clive

Motivation Letter: PhD Biology Research

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