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Suzanne S Posted 11 years ago
Letter Writing
motivation letter for university
Hello everyone! I have to write a motivation letter in English and since I am not a native speaker, I was wondering if someone could check it for me and to help me improve my letter.
My letter:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to apply for admission into the bachelor in Business Administration at Nyenrode New Business School. After careful overview of the bachelor program you are offering with at your University, I believe that curricula fully suits my intentions, and therefore I would like to get an opportunity to attend this program.
At the moment I am a student at het Amsterdams Lyceum. I currently am in my final year and I am planning to graduate this summer. I follow the N&G + N&T course, with Economics as an elective. I also chose to take ancient Greek and an English course, called Fast Lane English (FLE), which my school provides. The idea of FLE is that you are taught more hours of English a week and on a higher level. We use the Cambridge books, which means that I will not only be taking the regular English exam in May, but the CPE exam in June as well. I already passed my CAE exam last year.
I was drawn attention to your program, because of its strategy based on academic experience. By performing as beginning entrepreneurs whilst learning the theory and building up knowledge in classes, I believe your students are taught the perfect combination for your future career and development.
What I also really like about you program, is its strong international focus, which het Amsterdams Lyceum has as well. At my secondary school , I participated in our exchange program to Seville, Spain. Because of the Fast lane English course, I was also able to go to London in my fourth year. We stayed at a host family, to learn more about the British culture whilst being there. Furthermore, I also went to Trier, Rome and Kitzbühel during my time at het Amsterdams Lyceum.
I believe that an international focus is the key to success. Nowadays, speaking fluent English and having experience with multiple cultures is highly valued. The program offered by the University of Westminster in year 3 is also something I am really looking forward to, as I am planning to do a master’s program abroad, preferably in the UK.
I wish to enroll in a business program that covers entrepreneurship, finance, marketing, and international business. I thus find your bachelor in Business Administration the most suitable. I am certain that this program would train me to be a creative entrepreneur with excellent communication skills, advanced leadership, and valuable international experience.
I want to study at Nyenrode New Business School because of your outstanding educational system, excellent facilities, and international environment. After much research and discussion with my parents and teachers, I am certain that your university is the best choice for my tertiary education and future career. I am confident that studying at Nyenrode New Business School will broaden my perspectives and expand my social network to an international level.
At the end I would like to point out that I am determined to make the most of this opportunity. I believe that your bachelor in Business Administration would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials. Moreover I feel that as a student at your University, I can benefit from the numerous challenging career opportunities.
Thank you very much for your time and for considering my request. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
XYZ
My letter:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to apply for admission into the bachelor in Business Administration at Nyenrode New Business School. After careful overview of the bachelor program you are offering with at your University, I believe that curricula fully suits my intentions, and therefore I would like to get an opportunity to attend this program.
At the moment I am a student at het Amsterdams Lyceum. I currently am in my final year and I am planning to graduate this summer. I follow the N&G + N&T course, with Economics as an elective. I also chose to take ancient Greek and an English course, called Fast Lane English (FLE), which my school provides. The idea of FLE is that you are taught more hours of English a week and on a higher level. We use the Cambridge books, which means that I will not only be taking the regular English exam in May, but the CPE exam in June as well. I already passed my CAE exam last year.
I was drawn attention to your program, because of its strategy based on academic experience. By performing as beginning entrepreneurs whilst learning the theory and building up knowledge in classes, I believe your students are taught the perfect combination for your future career and development.
What I also really like about you program, is its strong international focus, which het Amsterdams Lyceum has as well. At my secondary school , I participated in our exchange program to Seville, Spain. Because of the Fast lane English course, I was also able to go to London in my fourth year. We stayed at a host family, to learn more about the British culture whilst being there. Furthermore, I also went to Trier, Rome and Kitzbühel during my time at het Amsterdams Lyceum.
I believe that an international focus is the key to success. Nowadays, speaking fluent English and having experience with multiple cultures is highly valued. The program offered by the University of Westminster in year 3 is also something I am really looking forward to, as I am planning to do a master’s program abroad, preferably in the UK.
I wish to enroll in a business program that covers entrepreneurship, finance, marketing, and international business. I thus find your bachelor in Business Administration the most suitable. I am certain that this program would train me to be a creative entrepreneur with excellent communication skills, advanced leadership, and valuable international experience.
I want to study at Nyenrode New Business School because of your outstanding educational system, excellent facilities, and international environment. After much research and discussion with my parents and teachers, I am certain that your university is the best choice for my tertiary education and future career. I am confident that studying at Nyenrode New Business School will broaden my perspectives and expand my social network to an international level.
At the end I would like to point out that I am determined to make the most of this opportunity. I believe that your bachelor in Business Administration would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials. Moreover I feel that as a student at your University, I can benefit from the numerous challenging career opportunities.
Thank you very much for your time and for considering my request. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
XYZ
Top answer
This is an excellent letter of its type, perhaps the best one I've seen in my (admittedly) short time here. Instead of line editing your letter, I'm gong to give you some suggestions and let you adopt whichever of my suggestions you find useful. You are in the enviable position of having sufficiently mastered the mechanics of the language so that you can concentrate on improving clarity and eliminating redundancy.
- This is an excellent letter of its type, perhaps the best one I've seen in my (admittedly) short time here.
- Instead of line editing your letter, I'm gong to give you some suggestions and let you adopt whichever of my suggestions you find useful.
- You are in the enviable position of having sufficiently mastered the mechanics of the language so that you can concentrate on improving clarity and eliminating redundancy.
- You are applying to a Dutch school from a Dutch school, but I believe it's expected that your letter reflect English idiom, so my comments should be taken in that light.
- " Use the English article, not least because "the" and "het" are transpositions of each other.
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1 Answers
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This is an excellent letter of its type, perhaps the best one I've seen in my (admittedly) short time here. Instead of line editing your letter, I'm gong to give you some suggestions and let you adopt whichever of my suggestions you find useful. You are in the enviable position of having sufficiently mastered the mechanics of the language so that you can concentrate on improving clarity and elim
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