Motivation letter for university

Dear (name of the person):

I first learned about (name of the school) through my school counselor while I was studying in Vietnam at a school with an American-based curriculum called Saigon South Int'l School. I'm a Belgian citizen with half Korean origins from my mother. My dream would be to study at (name of the school) to obtain a BBA in Int'l hotel management with either hotel design and project management or culinary business management.

I lived for seven years in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam where I studied English for seven years in an American International School. I have recently moved back to my home country where I have continued to follow most of my classes in English through the British English immersion program provided by my school and also to improve my French.

I have met with the Dean of (name of the school) during a university gathering back in Viet Nam during which we conversed in both English and Spanish and where he assured me that I was the perfect candidate to excel in the industry. Baking is one of my deepest passions and hobby and I would like to have the opportunity to expand my horizons in the various areas of the hospitality industry. I wish to be able to work in some of the best hotels of the world as I love to travel and am very open to contact with others. Furthermore, I also dream to one day be able to open and manage my own restaurants and/or hotels. I really believe that (name of the school) is the perfect place for me as I know that it would provide me with the necessary skills to achieve my goals.

To conclude, thanks to the world-renowned quality of education and to the wondrous location of (name of the school), I would benefit from amazing working conditions. Moreover, I strongly believe that I have the leadership and motivation needed to excel as a student at your school and in the hospitality industry. I really look forward to meeting you in person on the 24th of September and thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely yours,
(my name)

please help me, give me advices and don't hesitate to correct. Your help will be greatly appreciated...