Motivation letter for scholarship

Question

Hi i appreciate your support for reviewing my motivation letter this is my first time to apply for scholarship and to be honest i don't know where i can begin but i looked at some of your post of motivation letter and i write the one i post here

thank's

VIBOT JOINT MASTER
SEPTEMBER 2017
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Master program of "Computer Vision and Robotics course" with specialization in "3DVisionand Robotics" starting in September 2017. My career ambition is to become a robotics developer researching.

In high school I graduated with computer science and electronics as my majors. I am continuing my academic career with the study of "Electronics technology | Computer Science" at industrial University of Helwan. In June 2007 I graduate with a Bachelor of Electronics technology degree,
As my first exposure to computer and electronics I took the course "Digital signal processing" (DSP) in my studies. I was especially impressed that, despite of the advances in technology, there remains much to learn about ourselves, most especially about the human brain. I want to join the program and focus on Robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning more about applied computer science as well as investigating cognitive processes.
Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In several of the projects during my studies, I was the team leader responsible for building and leading our project team. At the beginning of the program, teams were assigned three key members: programmer, professor assistant mechanical engineer , and a research my colleague. As the team leader, I was responsible for building the project Outer frame, but also distributing project assignments and responsibilities as well as governing interpersonal relationships.
By donating my time as a promotion team member of the university, I learned to understand how emotions, especially enthusiasm, can motivate others. My task was to represent my study program and to convince prospective students of the university's excellence. Through my discussion with these eager students. Furthermore, I helped people to overcome their insecurities by exchanging experiences and sharing my first impressions. Throughout my service, I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of my study program by giving presentations and one-on-one interviews.
I always wanted to learn more about the 3D vision and robotics of cognition. Moreover, this internship is an excellent preparation for your program and an important milestone in my young career. I want to study at three different universities because of your outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and your excellent facilities. I am confident of my decision. With many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. Further supporting professors' lectures are your university's use of advanced equipment and cooperation Moreover, by combining my theoretical and specialized education with hands-on research in the second year, I will gain critical work experience. All these strong positives allow me to research cutting-edge technologies, such as robotics, and to pursue my dreams and ambitions. Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my internship. I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

VIBOT JOINT MASTER
~~SEPTEMBER~~ 2017 Put the date of your letter here
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Master program of "Computer Vision and Robotics ~~course~~" with specialization in "3DVisionand Robotics" starting in September 2017. My career ambition is to become a robotics developer and researcher.~~researching~~.

In high school I graduated with computer science and electronics as my majors. I am continuing (Are you still taking courses at this school?) my academic career with the study of "Electronics technology | Computer Science" at the Industrial University of Helwan. In June 2007 I graduated with a Bachelor of Electronics technology degree,
As my first exposure to computer and electronics I took the course "Digital signal processing" (DSP) in my studies (Was this in high school?). I was especially impressed that, despite of the advances in technology, there remains much to learn about ourselves, most especially about the human brain. I want to join the program and focus on Robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning more about applied computer science as well as investigating cognitive processes.
Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In several of the projects during my studies, I was the team leader responsible for building and leading our project team. At the beginning of the program, teams were assigned three key members: programmer, professor assistant mechanical engineer , and a research my colleague. As the team leader, I was responsible for building the project Outer frame, (Will your readers know what this is?) but also distributing project assignments and responsibilities as well as governing interpersonal relationships.
By donating my time as a promotion team member of the university, I learned ~~to understand~~ how emotions, especially enthusiasm, can motivate others. My task was to represent my study program and to convince prospective students of the university's excellence. Through my discussion with these eager students. (Fragment) Furthermore, I helped people to overcome their insecurities by exchanging experiences and sharing my first impressions. Throughout my service, I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of my study program by giving presentations and one-on-one interviews.
I always wanted to learn more about the 3D vision and robotics of cognition. Moreover, this internship (What internship? You have not mentioned it before.) is an excellent preparation for your program and an important milestone in my young career. I want to study at three different universities (Are you applying for three different universities?) because of your outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and your excellent facilities. I am confident of my decision. (What decision?) With many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. Further supporting professors' lectures are your university's use of advanced equipment and cooperation (Cooperation with what? ) Moreover, by combining my theoretical and specialized education with hands-on research in the second year, I will gain critical work experience. All these strong positives allow me to research cutting-edge technologies, such as robotics (Robotics is not a technology, but it combines many different technologies.) , and to pursue my dreams and ambitions. Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my internship (You have not described any internship.) . I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitious and open nature. Furthermore, my international background (You have not described any international background.) and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Abdulhamed gaml · Answer

Dear,AlpheccaStars

thank you so much for reviewing my first motivation letter and i will work on it again and re post it for your comment

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You might consider disguising your letter by using "fake" information (to be replaced by the "real" text when you send it). English Forums is open to google and other search engines, and it is our policy not to delete threads.

Abdulhamed gaml · Answer

Dear,AlpheccaStars

yes i copy and past motivation letter unfortunately i have no idea to begin and not even have a peace of mind i must apply next month i spend so much time search and i found EnglishForward just yesterday which am really thankful i print some of motivation letter and start my first draft i apply for VIBOT joint Masters Erasmus Mundus in Vision & Robotics time always against me i can't focus i really appreciate your comment the master is 2 year four semester the first three semester in three different country Le Creusot France, Girona Spain, Edinburgh Uk and the last semester will be a Research Training period or Vocational Training period you highlighted 3D vision and some other can you please help me with explanation what should i do or what should i write

thank you again

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The highlighted text contains errors - grammatical, spelling, or very unnatural wording. Please try to revise it yourself. You will need very good English skills to be successful at the university level. you will have to write research papers and essays.
You need to learn now where your English is deficient - learning from your mistakes is a very efficient and fast way to do this.
English Forums is a very good way to learn, because we are native speakers, and we volunteer to help others for free.

Abdulhamed gaml · Answer

Dear,AlpheccaStars

thank you for your great support which am really thankful here is my updated motivation letter please revise for any error thank you for your help and your great English forums

VIBOT JOINT MASTER
20 Jan, 2017
Dear sir or madam

I am applying for your master program of “ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTER IN VISION AND ROBOTICS” with specialisation in “robotics,computer vision, image processing and medical imaging” starting in September 2017. my career ambition is to become a robotics developer researcher .
In high school I graduated with electronics and computer science as my majors. I am continuing my academic career with the study of “logic gates, control, basic electronics circuit design” at technical institute directly after high school in my first year at the institute I receive study reword for an expected average score
complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication . In several of the projects during my studies , I was responsible for building our university graduation project I design the outer frame with the assists with my professor the project main idea was a manufacturing industry has a large number of production lines and machines with programmable logic controllers (PLC) and custom controls that could benefit from an upgrade to newer technology. control and automation systems were installed as well . Our project was one (PLC) two sensor and one motor my design of the metal frame of the project which will hold all of the component was successful and finish it with excellent score in my graduation project
by donating my time as a volunteer computer teacher of an governmental high school I learned to understand how emotions , especially enthusiasm , can motivate others . I convince prospective students of the school to learn programming language . Throughout my service I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of programming and computational thinking to solve problems,
I want to join VIBOT and focus on robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning and more about Robotics fundamentals, control, programming for robot autonomy and intelligence as well as investigating cognitive processes, I looking forward to join VIBOT for many good reasons outstanding education system, gathering relevant work experience, your excellent facilities from three different Universities and three different countries, with many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the for front of discovery and course structure in forth semester . All these strong positives allow me to research cutting edge and to pursue my ambitions given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program, I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitions and open nature. Furthermore , my interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program

thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance
Sincerely yours,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Remember that you need a full stop (.) to end a sentence, not a comma (,) or blank. The first letter of a sentence must be a capitol letter.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for your masters program of “ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTER IN VISION AND ROBOTICS” with specialisation in “robotics,computer vision, image processing and medical imaging” starting in September 2017. My career ambition is to become a robotics developer and researcher .
In high school I graduated with electronics and computer science as my majors. I am continuing my academic career with the study of “logic gates, control, basic electronics circuit design” at technical institute directly after high school in (Two sentences..) my first year at the institute I receive (present or past?) study reword for an expected average (Average is mediocre, not very good.) score (End of sentence?)
complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication . In several of the projects during my studies , I was responsible for building our university graduation project I design (present or past?) the outer frame with the assists (assist is a verb.) with my professor the project main idea was a manufacturing industry has (there are two verbs - was and has - that confuse the sentence.) a large number of production lines and machines with programmable logic controllers (PLC) and custom controls that could benefit from an upgrade to newer technology. control and automation systems were installed as well . Our project was one (PLC) two sensor and one motor my design of the metal frame of the project which will hold all of the component (one component?) was successful and finish (What is the subject of the verb "finish"?) it with excellent score in my graduation project
by donating my time as a volunteer computer teacher of an governmental high school I learned to understand how emotions , especially enthusiasm , can motivate others . I convince (present or past?) prospective students of the school to learn programming language (One language?). Throughout my service I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of programming and computational thinking to solve problems,
I want to join VIBOT and focus on robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning and more about Robotics fundamentals, control, programming for robot autonomy and intelligence as well as investigating cognitive processes, I looking forward to join VIBOT for many good reasons outstanding education system, gathering relevant work experience, your excellent facilities from three different Universities and three different countries, with many distinguished scientists as professors, I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the for front of discovery and course structure in forth semester . All these strong positives allow me to research cutting edge (missing word.) and to pursue my ambitions given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program, I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitions and open nature. Furthermore , my interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program

thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance

Abdulhamed gaml · Answer

Dear AlpheccaStars,

To be honest i am speechless for your great support and revise of my motivation letter and am asking you for more not only for grammar mistakes but also for looking at my letter over all i really need your feedback comments everything not quit about the letter i give everything to join that scholarship

Thank you so much

VIBOT JOINT MASTER
20 Jan, 2017
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for your master program of “ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTER IN VISION AND ROBOTICS” with specialisation in “robotics,computer vision, image processing and medical imaging” starting in September 2017. My career ambition is to become a robotics developer and researcher.
In high school I graduated with electronics and computer science as my majors. I am continuing my academic career with the study of “logic gates, control, basic electronics circuit design” at technical institute directly after high school. Inmy first year at the institute I received study reword for an expected score I ranked among top students.
complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In several of the projects during my studies I was responsible for building our university graduation project I designed the outer frame with the aided of my professor.The project main idea is a manufacturing industry has a large number of production lines and machines with programmable logic controllers (PLC) and custom controls that could benefit from an upgrade to newer technology. Control and automation systems installed as well. Our project was one (PLC) two sensor and one motor. My design of the metal frame of the project which will hold all of the components was successful and I finished my project with excellent grade score in my graduation.
By donating my time as a volunteer computer teacher of an governmental high school I learned to understand how emotions , especially enthusiasm can motivate others. I convinced prospective students of the school to learn programming languages.Throughout my service I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of programming and computational thinking to solve problems.
I want to join VIBOT and focus on robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning. And more about Robotics fundamentals, control, programming for robot autonomy and intelligence as well as investigating cognitive processes. I looking forward to join VIBOT for many good reasons outstanding education system, gathering relevant work experience, your excellent facilities from three different Universities in three different countries, with many distinguished scientists as professors. I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery and course structure in fourth semester. All these strong positives allow me to research cutting edge technologies and to pursue my ambitions. Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program, I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitions and open nature. Furthermore my interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Sincerely yours,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You did not fix all the highlighted errors from my last post.

Every sentence needs to begin with a capital letter and end with a full stop.

Please check all your sentences again. You mash two separate sentences together as one single sentence. That is a mistake called a "run-on" sentence.

You need to check your text very carefully for plurals on nouns. If you have three tables, the ending -s is required on table to mean "more than one."
You need to check for "a" or "an". "An" is used when the next word starts with a vowel sound. "A" is used if the next word starts with a consonant sound.

Make sure each sentence has a properly inflected verb. If it does not have a verb, that is a fragment, not a sentence. That is a mistake.

You have both run-on sentences and fragments in your text. Make sure each sentence is complete.

Abdulhamed gaml · Answer

Dear,AlpheccaStars

i am really grateful for all your comments i search the internet and find some useful pages to fix grammar mistake and i fix as possible as i can her my final result . thank you a lot for your feedback and your positive support

VIBOT JOINT MASTER
20 Jan, 2017
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for your master program of “ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTER IN VISION AND ROBOTICS” with specialization in “robotics, computer vision, image processing and medical imaging” starting in September 2017. My career ambition is to become a robotics developer and researcher.

In high school I graduated with electronics and computer science as my majors. I am continuing my academic career with the study of “logic gates, control, basic electronics circuit design” at technical institute directly after high school. In my first year at the institute I received study reword for an expected score I ranked among top students.

Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In several of the projects during my studies I was responsible for building our university graduation project I designed the outer frame with the aided of my professor.The project main idea is a manufacturing industry has many numbers of production lines and machines with programmable logic controllers (PLC) and custom controls that could benefit from an upgrade to newer technology. Control and automation systems installed as well. Our project was one (PLC) two sensors and one motor. My design of the metal frame of the project which will hold all the components was successful and I have finished my project with excellent grade score in my graduation.

By donating my time as a volunteer computer teacher of a governmental high school I learned to understand how emotions, especially enthusiasm can motivate others. I convinced prospective students of the school to learn java programming language. Throughout my service I successfully helped many students understand the benefits of programming and computational thinking to solve problems.

I want to join VIBOT and focus on robotics because that allows me to combine both my interests in learning. And more about Robotics fundamentals, control. Programming for robot autonomy and intelligence as well as investigating cognitive processes. I look forward to joining VIBOT for many good reasons outstanding education system, gathering relevant work experience, your excellent facilities from three different Universities in three different countries, with many distinguished scientists as professors. I know that I will gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery and course structure in fourth semester. All these strong positives allow me to research cutting edge technologies and to pursue my ambitions. Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program, I will enrich the program by enabling fellow students and professors to benefit from my ambitions and open nature. Furthermore, my interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Sincerely yours,

Motivation letter for scholarship

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