Motivation letter for Health Management Master: Need it to be revised! :)

Hi everyone!

My name is Natacha and I am living in France. I am new on this forum and found it because I am currently trying to do a motivation letter for a master in healthcare management and need it to be perfect as it is a really hard school to have (from my point of view!).

After reading many posts about this subject, I think that having your opinion is the best way to highlight the mistakes (as I been working on it for so long, I do not have the necessary objectivity). I would like you to share your oppinion of the letter with me and point out the mistakes I've surely made§

Tips are welcome as it is my first application letter for a master...

The school has some requirements:

This page is an important part of the application and you must respond to each part. Please describe:

1. Your reason for choosing the programme

2. Positions of responsibility you have held and how these have helped any subsequent endeavours

(Des postes de responsabilité que vous avez occupés et la façon dont ces mesures ont contribué tous efforts ultérieurs)


3. Achievements in your life of which you are most proud and what you have learned from these


And this my letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for the Msc Health Management proposed by the xxxx Business School starting on autumn 2012. I believe my educational background would enable me to make a strong contribution at the xxxx School.

I am currently in a gap year after being graduated of Bachelor in general engineering in a top-ten French engineering school of France: The yyyy school. I have a scientific background in various fields including mathematics, bioengineering, mechanics and materials. I also have basic knowledge in accounting, economics, and management.

I would like to further explore fields.

I have long been interested in this medical field and after having done several courses, projects or internship dealing with health, I definitively found my way and decided to dedicate myself to the healthcare industry. According to me, as health is the most valuable possession a human being in their life, working on it is the best way to have a deep and positive impact on human life: bring new lives into the world, save others from ending or just improve the quality of life as much as possible.

I recently realised during my internship at zzz (healthcare company) that I am strongly interested in managerial roles in healthcare industry to make sure that the organization is running smoothly and efficiently at all times.

But my actual education doesn’t fit perfectly with the kind of jobs I would like to reach ; this is how I found this Msc Health Management in xxxx Business School, one of the best universities in the world ; I am expecting the MSc Health Management to give me a new way of thinking which would complete my engineering background and to offer me the possibility of receive complete picture of all aspect of field of health management that I would need in my future career.

The international part of this master is also a reason why I am specifically interested in xxxx school as this is the only school I found that emphasizes the importance of working in an international context in healthcare company. As a result, I also made the choice to work as much as possible abroad: my recent internship at zzzzz contributes a lot to this choice as I was working with people from all around the world except French people even if it was in a French city! With them I discovered different cultures, way of working, etc. and it encouraged me to search my next 7 months internship abroad: I will work in a healthcare company studying markets and establishing business plans in many countries of Latin America and Asia and I expect it to even more prepare me to this master.

One specific reason why I believe that the responsibilities of a manager would suit to me perfectly is that I already have held such a positions while investing me heavily in the associative organizations during my engineering school: In particular, I have been president of the Ski Club of my school and because it is really close to the French Alps this club is one of the biggest one of the school. In effect I have had to lead 9 persons and a budget ofmore than 130,000€ in order to organize main events like ski Week-ends for more than 250 persons, a ski week organized with another school and more than 50 day-trips in different ski resorts for a total of 1100 skiers from my school or others organizations. That also means several contracts to negotiate despite the huge growth in price of this sport.

This experience taught me perseverance, how to cope with issues to overcome them, but also the satisfaction brought by the realization of such a big and interesting project.

For all these reasons I am keen to be admitted to your university next year.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Natacha XXXX

I hope it is not too long, and that won't prevent you to help me!! Thank you so much to anyone who will help me!

Natacha