Motivation Letter for a Ph.D.

Question

Hy everyone,I'm writing a motivation letter to apply for a Ph.D position and since English is not my mother tongue I would like someone taking a look at what I've written to show me mistakes/ suggest rephrasing and so on.Furthermore, since I'm not a professional writer, I'd be also glad to anyone who could suggest me any way to reshape/change the letter body.Finally, I'd appreciate any other suggestion you have in mind, and I already thank you for the time you wasted on my problems!This is my letter: Dear Mr. xxx,§I’m writing to apply for a Ph.D. studentship at the xxx, Theory Divisionof xxx.§I got my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, and I am continuing my academic career in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of xxx. In September 2011 I will get the Master of Science degree and, although in Italy there isn’t any ranking system, I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year. (I've letters of reference from my ex-supervisors stating this)§Supported by a strong theoretical background on plasma physics, statistical and kinetic physics, fluid mechanics and quantum optics, this last year I exploited an Erasmus Exchange bursary to do my thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the xxx, within a cooperation project between xxx (France) and xxx (Italy).§This experience in one of the most prestigious european establishments, while providing me new scientific knowledges, especially in numerical simulations, and reshaping my mind to a research oriented aptitude, offered me the occasion to build relationships with people from different cultures, who let me enrich my personal identity while allowing a “broadening of my horizons” at an international level.§My past scientific history and the topics I studied during the stage led me to become really interested in relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics, especially since I found out that no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena has been developed yet. It’s for this reason that I want to continue my studies at xxx, because of its worldwide renown active research on the topics I’m most interested in.§Given this reasons, I believe to be the right person to work at the research project: “&lt;title of the project&gt;” and I am positive about fulfilling your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. Furthermore, my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.§Thank you for considering my application,Sincerely YoursMattia Lupetti

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

You're obviously bright and are most likely to be accepted. However, your letter could be strengthened.

I got my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, and I am continuing my academic career in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. In September 2011 I will get the Master of Science degree and, although in Italy there isn’t any ranking system, I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year. (I've letters of reference from my ex-supervisors stating this)

I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, and I am continuing my academic career in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. In September 2011 I will get the Master of Science degree and I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year.

Supported by a strong theoretical background on plasma physics, statistical and kinetic physics, fluid mechanics and quantum optics, this last year I exploited an Erasmus Exchange bursary to do my thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the ***, within a cooperation project between *** (France) and *** (Italy).

The previous sentence is long and awkward. "I exploited an Erasmus Exchange bursary..." what does that mean?

Having achieved a strong theoretical background on plasma physics, statistical and kinetic physics, fluid mechanics and quantum optics, I was granted an Erasmus Exchange bursary to do my thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the ***, (within a cooperation project between *** (France) and *** (Italy).)

I am not too keen on the last red part. Perhaps start a separate sentence? Or, if the recipient knows exactly what you mean, perhaps it is okay as is.

This experience in one of the most prestigious european establishments, while providing me new scientific knowledges, especially in numerical simulations, and reshaping my mind to a research oriented aptitude, offered me the occasion to build relationships with people from different cultures, who let me enrich my personal identity while allowing a “broadening of my horizons” at an international level.

This sounds artificial. "Prestigeious blah blah blah" "broadening my horizons" "levels blah blah blah".

As much as you can, kill all the adverbs and adjectives. They suck the life out. Also, kill all buzz words and phrases. Instead, write directly and succinctly.

The Wall Street Journal article is about MBA students. It can easily be applied to any student. As a group, they tend to overshoot by trying to make their correspondence sound impressive by using big words and phrases. Instead, it detracts.

Students Struggle for Words (WSJ - Might be behind a subscription wall)

If it is behind a subscription wall, Google "Business Schools Put More Emphasis on Writing Amid Employer Complaints" (w/o quotes). When accessing WSJ through Google, you can usually access the article.

Here's my standard response when responding to motivation letters.

Please ensure that you have spaces between your paragraphs. Otherwise it is too hard to read. My guess is that you pasted your letter into the text box. After you pasted your letter, the spaces were removed. To solve this issue, please do the following:

1) When you begin a new post, type "blah" into an open text box.

2) Then paste your letter.

3) Go back and delete "blah."

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

Madmattia · Answer

Hi again, many special thanks to your quick answer. I re-read the topics you linked and I wrote down this second draft of the motivation letter, what do you think about it? I talked a little more about myself and provided some details not written in CV/Records.

9 April 2011,
Dear Mr. ***,

I’m writing to apply for a Ph.D. studentship at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <place>.

I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, and I am continuing my academic career in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. I became interested in this subject while working for the final bachelor report about the feasibility of nuclear fusion, and I decided to continue my studies in the framework of alternative energy sources. In September 2011 I will get the Master of Science degree and I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year.

This last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. By studying in such a stimulating environment I had the opportunity to further my basic formation by attending extracurricular classes, and to become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion. This experience, while being an occasion to build relationships with people form different cultures, helped me to gain confidence on my skills, since I tipically ranked among top 5% students of my year.

Benefiting of a strong theoretical background on plasma physics, statistical and kinetic physics, fluid mechanics and quantum optics, I had the opportunity to do my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, France) and *** (Dr. ***, Italy).(I'm sure Mr. *** knows the professor I mention as my supervisors, 'cause they have worked together in the past)

My past scientific history and the topics I studied during the stage led me to become really interested in relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics, especially since I found out that no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena has been developed yet (should I mention that I've swithed to a more thoeretical/fundamental subject?). It’s for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown active research on the topics I’m most interested in.(Should I widen this last statement?)

Given this reasons (I don't like this starting, but I can't help finding another one), I believe to be the right person to work at the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions” and I am positive about fulfilling your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. Furthermore, my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application,
Sincerely Yours

MountainHiker · Answer

9 April 2011 (deleted comma)

Dear Mr. ***, (professors?)

I am (no contractions in formal writing) writing to apply for a Ph.D. studentship (position?) at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <place>.

I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, and I am continuing my academic career in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. I became interested in this subject while working for the final bachelor report about the feasibility of nuclear fusion, and I decided to continue my studies in the framework of alternative energy sources. In September 2011 I will get the Master of Science degree and I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year.

In 20xx I recieved my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics, placing in the top decile of my class. At present, I am furthering my academic studies (you don't want make a career of going to school, do you?) in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by the plasma physics while completing my final bachelor report on the feasilibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year.

Okay, so what's different? In your initial paragraph, your typical sentence structure was:

I did this. I did that. I did more of this and I did some of that. I did...

In the revised paragraph, I tried to put some clauses at the front of the sentences so it doesn't always start with "I". However, I like your active voice or first person. You get high marks for that.

Also, I omitted "I decided to continue my studies in the framework of alternative energy sources". Given your current studies of plasma physics, I am assuming to those in the physics world, your decision to continue to your studies is obvious. If not, you need to work it in.

As much as you can, omit stuff. Keep the key, salient points in. Anything that can be removed, remove it.

This last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. By studying in such a stimulating environment I had the opportunity to further my basic formation by attending extracurricular classes, and to become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion. This experience, while being an occasion to build relationships with people form different cultures, helped me to gain confidence on my skills, since I typically (prior spelling error) ranked among top 5% students of my year.

Last year, I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, by attending additional classes, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of (whatever).

Here, I broke up your sentences into bite sized pieces. I got rid of the "stimulating environment" stuff. I am most interested in how you gained. I am not that interested in your surroundings as much as I am about what your gained or accomplished. I also dropped your 5% stuff. It seemed odd to me that a person who is in the top 5% needs to gain confidence in his skills. Moreover, I already know you're bright. So if you tell me once, I got it. And we covered that in your last paragaraph.

Benefiting of a strong theoretical background on plasma physics, statistical and kinetic physics, fluid mechanics and quantum optics, I had the opportunity to undertake? my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, France) and *** (Dr. ***, Italy).(I'm sure Mr. *** knows the professor I mention as my supervisors, 'cause they have worked together in the past)

My past scientific history and the topics I studied during the stage led me to become really interested in relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics, especially since I found out that no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena has been developed yet (should I mention that I've swithed to a more thoeretical/fundamental subject?). It’s for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown active research on the topics I’m most interested in.(Should I widen this last statement?)

I completely skipped over your previous paragraph on my first iteration. Get rid of "really", and get rid of "it's" (no contractions, remember?). Try this paragraph again on your own. See how it fits in relation to everything else. See if you even need to include it. I suspect you do, but have a look.

Given these (changed word) reasons (I don't like this starting, but I can't help finding another one), I believe to be the right person to work at the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions” and I am positive about fulfilling your expectations, may it be academic excellence, motivation for research or interpersonal skills. Furthermore, my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in xxxx, I am confident that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I know that I will meet or exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours

Play around what my changes. See if you can make a better. At this point, it's pretty good. And given that the professors know one another, this letter is more of a formality. In other words, they have likely already made their decision. So we just need to make sure that your letter is reasonably good.

Madmattia · Answer

I want to thank you one more time for the valuable assistence you're providing me! Here is the third draft:

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. studentship at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my final bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place myself among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the european status of science and its perspectives.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). I benefited from the laboratory experience and know-how to develop technical skills, especially in numerical simulations, as well as changing my learning devoted brain into a research oriented mind.

My stage work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics, especially since I found out that no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena has been developed yet. It is for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown competence on the problems I am most interested in.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am confident that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I know that I will meet your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely Yours

MountainHiker · Answer

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. studentship at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my final bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place ~~myself~~ among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the european status of science and its perspectives.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). I benefited from the laboratory experience and know-how to develop technical skills, especially in numerical simulations, as well as changing my learning devoted brain into a research oriented mind.

Your last sentence in the paragraph above is clumsy.

I would start with, "I learned x, y, and z."

Or

Through long but fruitful hours of laboratory work, I developed exceptional laboratory skills and techniques, especially those related to numerical solutions, and I sharpened my critical thinking and analytical skills.

The above sentence could still use some work. I would, however, stay away from "devoted brain" to "research oriented mind."

My stage work (when I think of stage work, I think theatre...but it probably has meaning to you) led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics, especially since I found out that no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet. It is for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown competence on the problems I am most interested in.

Not entirely happy with the above paragraph either. The "especially since..." part bothers me. You recently used "especially" so I would be inclined to phrase it differently.

My stage work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to (forge a new direction, create a new path, investigage an unknown, something that says, you are going to set your own trail.)

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am confident that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

I always like exceeding expectations. I expect people to meet expectations. I get excited, however, when people see if they can do their best and exceed what I expect of them. Given your record of success, I trust you set the bar high for yourself. No point stopping now.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours, (First letter in first word is capitalized and don't forget the comma)

Madmattia · Answer

Ok, let's try again. I left untouched the first part of the letter, it seems good, isn't it?

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. position at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I am furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the european status of science and its perspectives.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). In every day laboratory activities I have acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modelisation of physics problems through numerical methods, and I sharpened my critical thinking while developing a research oriented aptitude.

My thesis work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to carry out investigations on a nearly unknown subject, which is of key importance in the comprension of light-matter interaction fundamentals within the regime of next generation laser sources. It is for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown competence on the problems I am most interested in.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

MountainHiker · Answer

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. position at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I am furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the european status of science and its perspectives.

I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the european status of science and its perspectives.

European with a capital E.

I am sure what it means to have an appreciation of European status on science? Status on science? I think that needs some more work.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). In everyday (I think, one word, check) laboratory activities I ~~have~~ acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modelisation of physics problems through numerical methods, and I sharpened my critical thinking while developing a research oriented aptitude.

I killed the "have" because I like symmetry. I acquired blah blah blah, and I sharpened blah blah blah.

My thesis work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to carry out (or conduct) investigations on a nearly unknown subject, which is of key importance in the comprension of light-matter interaction fundamentals within the regime of next generation laser sources. It is for this reason that I want to continue my studies at ***, because of its worldwide renown competence on the problems I am most interested in.

I am not keen on the last sentence. Generally, I don't like to end a sentence in a preposition, though it is fine.

Is there only ONE reason or several reasons?

Because of my passion and curiousity for (yyy your field of study) and because of xxxx's strong reputation, I am keen to continue my research/studies/whatever at ....

I am not happy with the above either. Perhaps, though, it will act as a catalyst for further modification. Watch out for overusing "passion" and other words. You use passion in the paragraph below, where I like it. So your prior paragraph shouldn't use passion.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

You are almost there. You just have some minor tinkering to do. I look forward to your next version.

Madmattia · Answer

Next draft: here we go!

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. position at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I am furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in physics in the European contest.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). In everyday (I think, one word, check) laboratory activities I acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modelisation of physics problems through numerical methods, and I sharpened my critical thinking while developing a research oriented aptitude.

My thesis work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to investigate a nearly unknown subject, which is of key importance in the comprehension of light-matter interaction fundamentals within the regime of next generation laser sources. Because of these reasons, I want to continue my studies at ***, for its renown reputation in topics that ignite my curiosity the most.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

MountainHiker · Answer

We are getting closer. Still some small points.

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. position at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I am furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our backgrounds and our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in physics in the European contest.

"contest" should be "context". However, I think we can do better. Notice, too, that "backgrounds" is used repetitively. We can fix that.

Moreover, I met people from all over Europe with different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in physics.

In the above rewritten portion, the reader understands that the different backgrounds and cultures affects the outlooks for the future. We don't need to repeat "backgrounds."

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). In everyday (I think, one word, check) laboratory activities I acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modelisation of physics problems through numerical methods, and I sharpened my critical thinking while developing a research oriented aptitude.

In everyday (I think, one word, check) laboratory activities I acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modelisation of physics problems through numerical methods, and I sharpened my critical thinking while developing a research oriented aptitude.

Everyday is one word. I am still not entirely happy with this sentence. How about the following:

Version 1

By conducting (normal/innovative/) laboratory activities, I acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modeling of physics problems through numerical methods and sharpened my critical thinking and analysis.

Version 2

By conducting (normal/innovative/) laboratory activities, I sharpened my critical thinking and analysis as well as acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modeling of physics problems through numerical methods.

So what did we do here? First I got rid of everyday. The stuff you're doing is likely advanced (not everyday). But we can't use "...advanced laboratory activities, I acquired advanced skills..." Too many "advanced" uses. See if you like what I wrote in the first part of your sentence. Improve upon it if you can.

Next, modelisation is not really a word. It's technical mumbo jumbo that sort of creates a word. However, modeling is a word. And that's really what you are doing. Next, I deleted the "developing a research oriented aptitude." No one will doubt your abilities or your interest. So I don't like stating the obvious. Moreover, I tend to think of aptitude as a natural innate attribute. In other words, it is hard to develop. To me, the important part is that you are continuing to develop and sharpen your critical analysis and thinking. And you've said that. Thus, I'd stop where I did.

My thesis work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to investigate a nearly unknown subject, which is of key importance in the comprehension of light-matter interaction fundamentals within the regime of next generation laser sources. ~~Because of~~ For these reasons, I want to continue my studies at ***, for its renown reputation in topics that ignite my curiosity the most.

You had two sentences back-to-back that began with "Because." We had to be more creative and find another word.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Madmattia · Answer

Many thanks, sorry for answering so late: I went out to relax a bit!
Now, what about the next draft?

9 April 2011
Dear Mr. ***,

I am writing to apply for a Ph.D. position at the ***, Theory Division of ***, <city>.

In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Physics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. At present I am furthering my academic studies in the field of Plasma Physics at the University of ***. During my final year of my bachelor program, I became fascinated by this subject while completing my bachelor report on the feasibility of nuclear fusion. In September 2011 I will obtain a Master of Science degree, and I expect to place among the very best students of my year.

Last year I was selected as an Erasmus exchange student at the University of ***. I strengthened my theoretical knowledge and become conversant with the most recent standards and technologies of Inertial Confinement Fusion by attending extracurricular classes. Moreover, I met people from all over Europe with different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by comparing our outlooks for the future, I have a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in physics.

At the same time, I had the opportunity to undertake my master thesis work on “High Intensity Laser-Plasma Interaction” at the Lab ***, <institution>, within a cooperation project between *** (Prof. ***, <university>, France) and *** (Dr. ***, <university>, Italy). By conducting laboratory activities, I sharpened my critical thinking and analysis as well as acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modeling of physics problems through numerical methods.(I like it as it is. I just wanted to mark that before my thesis work, I've only attended classes and given exams, so I learned stuff in a passive way. Now I'm doing research, my scientific behaviour is active; but I have to recognise that stating this in a short sentence results in a clumsy phrase and sounds odd in the above context)

My thesis work led me to become interested in more theoretical topics, such as relativistic and quantum field theory approaches to plasma physics. Because no consistent theories on collective QED phenomena have been developed yet, I am even more enthusiastic to investigate a nearly unknown subject, which is of key importance in the comprehension of light-matter interaction fundamentals within the regime of next generation laser sources. For these reasons, I want to continue my studies at ***, for its renown reputation in topics that ignite my curiosity the most.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “Relativistic light-matter interactions”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background and interdisciplinary education will add more diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Motivation Letter for a Ph.D.

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