Motivation letter correction

Question

Hi,this is my motivation letter for working abroad. Just wanted to ask you if you can check it for both correct english and form asap.Thx very muchL. Dear Sir/Madam,I am 4th  year student of Civil Engineering program at the Czech Technical University in  Prague. I would like to apply for IAESTE internship position in your company  within the months of June and July 2011.Currently, I am  studying Building Structures, major in Steel and Concrete construction and Construction  technology. Working on several Structural Engineering Design Projects or class  projects gave me the confidence to work both on individual tasks and within a  team environment. In addition to my technical knowledge I have developed good  communication and organizational skills through my last work experience. Next year I will  graduate with a Bachelor of Civil Engineering degree with an expected average  score above 90 percent. Also, as you can see from my enclosed CV, I spent my 3rd  year of study as an exchange student within the ERASMUS programme at Heriot  Watt University in Edinburgh. During one year of study in the UK I have improved  my English level both written and spoken, and tested my ability to adapt in new  surroundings with very different requirements from those practiced in Czech  Republic. On both universities  I got a great theoretical background and therefore I would like to gain also  some practical experience in my branch of study. Completing this internship  would give me an excellent insight into your construction company. I see great  opportunity to explore different working methods and practice my knowledge. I  would like to work on designing steel and concrete structures and preparing  technical documentation, although I stay open to other proposals. Thank you so much for your consideration and I look  forward to your acceptance of my application. Yours faithfully

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Some quick comments:

Your letter doesn't flow especially well.
You should write out numbers less than or equal to ten.
You don't tell me much about you as an individual. In fact, nothing.
I suspect two months is short to hire as an intern. You need to provide the employer with some compelling reasons why it should bother for such a brief period.
If you copy and paste your letter into MS Word and analyze your grammar, you'll find that your letter is at a grade 13. This means it is a hard to read.

Let's look at number one.

On both universities I got a great theoretical background and therefore I would like to gain also some practical experience in my branch of study.

Why not simply say:

I would like to supplement my strong academic background with pragmatic experience.

This sentence is unsupported:

In addition to my technical knowledge I have developed good communication and organizational skills through my last work experience.

If you state a positive attribute, you should demonstrate it. Otherwise, someone has to make a leap of faith.

Rather than listing a bunch of stuff, it was faster and easier just to make some modifications. Here's something you can work to improve.

Dear Sir or Madam: (we use a colon in North America, not sure about Europe)

I would like to apply for IAESTE internship position in your company within the months of June and July 2011. I am a fourth year student of Civil Engineering program at the Czech Technical University in Prague.

Next year I will graduate with a Bachelor of Civil Engineering degree with an expected average score above 90 percent. To strengthen my international (or whatever) skills, I spent my third year of study as an exchange student within the ERASMUS programme at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh. I have improved my written and oral English and learned to adapt to a different culture.

At present, I am studying Building Structures, major in Steel and Concrete construction and Construction technology. Working on several Structural Engineering Design Projects or class projects gave me the confidence to work both on individual tasks and within a team environment.

(In addition to my technical knowledge I have developed good communication and organizational skills through my last work experience. – Unless you support this comment, drop it.)

At both the Czech Technical University and Heriot Watt University, I gained a strong theoretical background. Now, I want to complement that knowledge with pragmatic experience. Ideally, I would like to work on designing steel and concrete structures and preparing technical documentation, although I am certainly open to other experiences. Furthermore, I want to learn how companies function.

Thank you so much for your consideration and I look forward to your acceptance of my application.

Yours faithfully

Spekulace · Answer

thanks for your very helpful comment!
I have just two more questions.what did you mean with I'm not telling them enough about me as an individual?what kind of things should I tell them about me?
And about the paragraph about my skill-is it enough if I just add:"as you can see from the enclosed CV" or is it better to say more about my previous work experience in the letter?
Thx again
Lenka

MountainHiker · Answer

I have just two more questions.what did you mean with I'm not telling them enough about me as an individual?what kind of things should I tell them about me?

If I were hiring someone, I would like to know more about them as a person. Introvert/extrovert/serious/humor/interests/passions/whatever

Perhaps I have a job with Sally. But Sally is kind of an extreme extrovert who laughs a lot. She might not enjoy someone who is introverted and is focused strictly on the technical stuff. Or maybe, I might have another job with Ken who is serious and studious. He's a bit of an intellectual who has little time for party type people. So what type are you?

Me, I'd say, in addition to my academic achievements, I also enjoy ... Tell them who you are. What makes you happy? Where's your passion?

And about the paragraph about my skill-is it enough if I just add:"as you can see from the enclosed CV" or is it better to say more about my previous work experience in the letter?

With regard to referring them to your CV, they are going to look at it anyway. So I don't bother stating the obvious. Tell them something they don't know. That's the purpose of the letter.

With regard to academics and stuff, people place more emphasis on accomplishments than anything else. Once you mention that you plan to graduate with 90%, that's all they really care about. Now, they know you're smart. The larger question are, what are your ambitions, experiences, passions, and drive to accomplish your dreams?

I hope that helps.

Motivation letter correction

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions