Motivation letter

Question

Hello. I have written the first part of my motivation letter, please help me check the sentences structure, grammar and lexical mistakes in it. It is so important for me. Thank you.

Motivation letter

If you want to be good at mathematics ask the knowledgeable teacher to train you, if you are aiming to become an excellent engineer ask the one to share experience with you, if you want to build a strong and successful economy look at how Bavaria is doing it.
Therefore, I have a desire to continue my education in Economics in the Free State of Bavaria, where I will be learning and observing how to raise truly strong economy to which we are targeting so much in Ukraine.
During I have been writing my graduation thesis titled “Institualization of international trade relationship between countries in the globalization” I have come to the conclusion the more country is participating in the globalization processes the more successful it is. In connection to this, I will be extending that issue in my Master research and go deeply into analyzing of the mechanisms of managing international trade and investments, which fostering sustainable economic growth. Working in this field, in the future, I can become a real economist, who partly has an impact at the economic processes in my motherland and in perspective at some parts of the world.
I was inspired of the ways how Bavarian increases the level of export and attracts new investment in region. In my opinion, some of these ideas can be applying in Ukraine to uplift the volume of export. For example , firstly to create the web-site “Invest in Ukraine”, such resource there is about Bavaria and it can be the counterpart of the Ukrainian one; secondly to organize “Business Support Center” in my city, Kharkiv, as the same in Nuremberg and Fürth one, which will help businessmen to search for investors, mentors and implement their projects. Here are only couple of ideas, but putting into reality at least them can help go up Ukrainian business and as a result a national export.
To achieve such ambitious goals I need to learn a lot and to be able to with international partners as well. For the time being I have already obtained theoretical knowledge in macroeconomics, microeconomics, international economics etc., relevant working experience and skills, what is the basic for my future studying. During my student life I was always involving in international cooperation and volunteer work. I was an exchange student in the city Lodz, Poland, where I was living and working with other foreign students, studying courses in English and interacting with local community. Also I participated in volunteer summer workcamp in Napes, Italy, we were taking care of children in their leisure-time with girls from 5 different countries.
Furthermore, I take part in scientific meetings and workshops in Ukraine, I have done several economic articles presented on the university and city conferences. Most of the events I visit, concern my specialty, but there are also those where the focus is on social and political issues. In addition, I am one of the organizers of the Students' Championship on the practical management, in which students have the opportunity to solve real business cases and present their projects to the superiors of the largest companies in Kharkiv, such as subsidiary of Mercedes Benz in Kharkiv.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Anastasiia ShvarevaI have written the first part of my motivation letter. Please help me check the sentence structure,

Do you mean the first draft? How long is your letter going to be?

Anastasiia Shvareva · Answer

It is the first part, I know that it is too long and I need cut something, but I still dont what exactly

Anastasiia Shvareva · Answer

I have corrected a letter. Here is it...

Motivation letter

If you want to be good at mathematics ask the knowledgeable teacher to train you, if you are aiming to become an excellent engineer ask the one to share the experience with you, if you want to build a strong and successful economy look at how Bavaria doing it.
Therefore there wasn’t a question for me where I want to pursue my education as an economist. I am convinced that during the studying in the Free State of Bavaria I will be able to grasp and explore the process of building and managing of truly prosperous economic system what we are striving in Ukraine at the moment.
Concretely speaking the direction of my professional interests reflects in my graduation thesis titled “Institualization of international trade relationship between countries in the globalization”. Consequently, I want to expand this analyze going deeply into the methods of raising the volume of national exports in my Master research. Working in this field I hope to become a true economist, who partly has an impact at the economic processes in my motherland and even at some parts of the world in perspective.
I was inspired of the ways how Bavarian increases the level of its exports and attracts new investments in the region. As far as I am concerned, some of the ideas can be applied to Ukraine in order to improve its business climate. Firstly, to create the web-site “Invest in Ukraine”, which exists in Bavaria and can be the counterpart of the Ukrainian one; secondly to organize the “Business Support Center” in Kharkiv, as the same in Nuremberg and Fürth, it will help talented people searching for investors, mentors and set up their own business. Here are only couples of ideas, but putting at least these ones into reality can help to go up Ukrainian business climate and as a result national exports.
To achieve such ambitious goals I need to gain a lot of new objects and more practical experience, as well to be aware in the subtleties of business communication. For the time being I have already obtained the theoretical knowledge in economics and some relevant working experience, which you can explore from my Curriculum Vitae. Furthermore, I take part in scientific meetings and workshops in Ukraine, I have done several economic articles presented on the university and city conferences. Most of the events I visit, concern my specialty, but there are also those where the focus is on social and political issues. My past experience has made me a person who I am now, ready to live in an intercultural environment, meet challenges and stick for the goals.
When I was choosing the proper university, among a large number of well-known universities in Bavaria, I was looking for the most suitable to my goal an educational program. After observing the list of disciplines and by contacting the course coordinators, I came to the conclusion that the program "International Business Studies" at the FAU Erlangen-Nürnberg is most consistent with my aspirations. For example, such courses as International Finance and Corporate Governance, International Corporate Sustainability and International Relations will help me acquire skills in the keeping of the partnership relations, management of international payments, etc. For me, as a socially and culturally active person it is also an important fact that the FAU Erlangen-Nuremberg is fully involved in the social life of city and international research and exchange.
Moreover I've been following the development of Ukrainian-Bavarian relations, since Kharkiv and Nuremberg are twin cities for 26 years. Being an active participant of events arranged by Nürnberg Haus in Kharkiv and the German academic center, I noticed a strong cooperation in the cultural and academic fields, in contrast to the economic partnership. I would like to change this point and to develop exactly economic cooperation.
In addition, it is important for me to share my experience and knowledge with other students. For example, my university "..." cooperates with universities in Bavaria "..." but far not all students are aware of this, so I am sharing the information on the cooperation and going to continue as a member of Bayhost alumni network. I have not had the opportunity to go to study in Bavaria, as an exchange student, because these programs are not funded, and all living costs are paid by students themselves. But, fortunately, now Bayhost gives me a fascinating chance to become a master student of the Bavarian university.
Having made the decision to go to the Master’s Study to Bavaria, I have taken a year break between studies to gain additional work experience and to learn German language which I can continue to learn staying in Germany. Studying at the University of Bavaria is the opportunity to unlock my potential and gain practical skills for achieving my professional goals. After the end of the Master's studying I am going to return to Ukraine with the essential experience and an ability to contribute in the development of economy of my motherland.

Teechr · Answer

It's still quite wordy and not easy to follow. I suggest you rewrite it in a clearer way. Start by introducing yourself, and talk about your achievements (academic and otherwise), ambitions, strengths, areas of interest, goals in life, career aspirations, etc. Make sure to minimize the waffle, and give specific details in your letter. Also, you need to think about structure; keep similar ideas in the same paragraph. Finally, I think 500-600 words should be more than enough.

Motivation letter

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