Motivation letter

Here's my motivation letter please let me know your opinion and constructive criticism

Aalto University
School of Arts, Design and Architecture
Admission Office
October 25, 2014

Dear Sirs / Madams,
I’m interested to apply for a Master’s Degree Program in “International Design Business Management – Master of Arts” starting in 2015. I graduated in 2008, from the University of Helwan, Egypt and hold a Bachelor’s degree in Applied Art.
The five years undergraduate program formed the basis of my perseverance towards achieving an in-depth knowledge in the field of design. As a part of my degree course I studied various subjects on diverse aspects of applied art.
During my bachelor studies, I experienced developing global urban planning. Supervised by Prof. Mohammed Mahmoud Al-Arabi along with my colleagues we readied the aesthetic urban planning of Egyptian slums. While submitting the assignment, our lecturer observed the innovation and the ideal usage of areas and recommended our product for the Municipal.
Upon receiving this acknowledgment of my work I would like to carry on my penchant for design globalization, as this issue is gaining increasing importance, in all aspects and is having significant impact on almost all industries and all areas of society. There is an ample scope to prove one’s ability, competence and intelligence in this revolutionary and potentially very beneficial global strategic design application.
Besides the college academics I was actively involved in the extra-curricular activities. The driving force behind all this was my aim to develop all the facets of my personality. In this process I could not meet the grades I wanted to, in the first and second year. But soon I garnered the skill of judicious allocation of time and energy. I do not feel that the marks I scored are the sole indicators of my understanding of the subject. A cogent reason to augment my belief is the last year of my studies, where with strong focus and hard work, I excelled in my graduation project with distinction.
Also for the past thirty months I have worked as an Art Director. My work has helped me develop a thorough insight into return to the academic world for further growth. It has given me the confidence to pursue a Master’s degree and kindled an aspiration to do research. This career with open prospects has given me constant incentive to improve myself and to gain more knowledge.
Today I perceive that life for me has been a process of conscious evolution. A part of this growth has been the value system imbibed in me by my parents, teachers and mentors and an immense liking for science. As I embark upon a new stage of my life, I believe that a postgraduate study will add a milestone in my career along with invaluable experiences that will allow me to become a successful, inventive professional and aid in accomplishing my goals. Ten years from now, I foresee myself as a full-fledged research professional in an organization, or a faculty member at some leading university.
I want to take a part of the graduate program at your institution and this underscored my decision to pursue graduate studies in Finland. The pioneering works going on at the IDBM Master Program, which include developing world-class expertise in global design business management, perfectly match with the field of my interest. The interdisciplinary nature of the IDBM Master has convinced me in taking this decision as it is the ideal choice for an exciting research career. At the same time, I am confident of contributing originally to the ongoing work at the Department of Design. Supervised by distinguished faculty, I shall certainly be able to exploit my potential to the fullest.
The department website revealed astute faculty like Prof. Peter McGrory involved in extensive research in of Strategic Design Management. This has strengthened my resolve to study at Aalto University. I am confident that the erudite faculty will make my learning experience extraordinary. If you give me the opportunity to be a part of that intellectually stimulating environment, I am sure my talents will be put to optimal use.
I am confident that overall opportunity to study in Finland will broaden my horizons and give me an opportunity to gain world-class education and help me become an excellent world citizen.
I would therefore, feel obliged to be able to secure admission in your prestigious university and pursue my Master’s program. I am sure that I will match all the credentials and will be able to maintain high standards at your university.
Thank you for considering my letter of motivation. I look forward to your positive response.

With regards,
Mahmoud Hamam