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Furkan23 Posted 12 years ago
Letter Writing
motivation letter
hello, after i studied the examples of motivation letters on this site i prepared mine, can you please correct it 
thank u
To whom may it concern,
The purpose of this letter to show my intend to do my Msc at Consumer Affairs at Technische Universität München which initials in October 2014.
I currently study Business Adiministration at Anadolu University,Turkey and expect to graduate by the end of the June 2014. I have 3.12 GPA over 4.00 and until now I have taken place in first 10% successful students at my faculty and as a prize, I was exempted to pay school fee for one term. Furthermore, along my study, I was prized with certificate of honour many times because my GPA was upper than 3.00,also. Business Administration is a multi disciplined department and since the first years of my bachelor, I have always interested in Marketing and generally paid my attention to it.
During my study, I have worked in student organizations for one year. I have worked in two different student organizations that arranges open seminars by attending of the people from business world. In both clubs, I have been volunteer student and I worked at introduction stands as promoter with my collaguages and made field marketing and distributed flyers. Personally, I learnt there how to communicate and convince to people and approach to them and understood the vitality of taking responsibility and being a team member. In additive, I had got to right to attend Erasmus programme when I was in my third year and went to Czech Republic,Prague. I studied there for 4 months and improved my english capabilities also met so many people from around the world and gained there an international mind. Moreover, I took there the courses related with economics, marketing and management. At the end of a course there which was Marketing in Automotive Industry, I was included to a final presentation there which was about opening a public campaign for Skoda cars and outlined customer profile of it. It was appreciated by my lecturer and friends which I helped to them to build up their own duties. Meanwhile, I had succeeded to found some business contacts there and met a Uzbek and Czech young entrepreneurs and arranged an internship related with customer care for the next term after my erasmus semester, however I had to resigned after a while because work conditions was not provided that negotiated before.
After I came back to Turkey again, I worked as volunteer again in a youth project which organized by Anna Lindh Foundation and was bringing the youngsters from the mediterranean countries. We made workshops there about culture studies,sustainability environment and It was also a valuable international experience for me.After all those, I had come back to concern about my academical life again and decided to do my master at Germany after strong advices and having some facts about German Universities' quality and validity of its diplomas that told me by a German friend of mine. While my courses still going on, I developed my German at Goethe Institut and then got the IELTS exam and had IELTS 6.5 Academic score in the frame my aims. Currently, I still do my internship in Istanbul at a Social Media Marketing Agency. I have got here some practical knowledges about search engine optimization, tracking customer feedbacks on twitter and also e-mail marketing.
Consumer Affairs department prepares its students to meet the new demands of new type of customers. Customer behaviour research, Organizational Psychology and Gender Studies, Advanced Technology and Innovation Management and Consumer history are the courses which I am into in so much and also appreciated by my marketing lecturer at my university. Another point that appeals me is doing project works in practice with other students and wide variety of job and internship possibilities of München.
My professional target is after working at the international companies that possible both in Turkey or Germany, getting involved with marketing and consumer researchs in an academical environment. I am aware that the harsh requirement conditions and qualifications that expected from applicants and I hope that my ambitiousness, self-confidence and enthusiasm is enough to cope with and get a Msc degree in Consumer Affairs.
I would like to thank you to consider me and look forward to your positive feedback.
Yours Faithfully,
Furkan SARIATLI
thank uTo whom may it concern,
The purpose of this letter to show my intend to do my Msc at Consumer Affairs at Technische Universität München which initials in October 2014.
I currently study Business Adiministration at Anadolu University,Turkey and expect to graduate by the end of the June 2014. I have 3.12 GPA over 4.00 and until now I have taken place in first 10% successful students at my faculty and as a prize, I was exempted to pay school fee for one term. Furthermore, along my study, I was prized with certificate of honour many times because my GPA was upper than 3.00,also. Business Administration is a multi disciplined department and since the first years of my bachelor, I have always interested in Marketing and generally paid my attention to it.
During my study, I have worked in student organizations for one year. I have worked in two different student organizations that arranges open seminars by attending of the people from business world. In both clubs, I have been volunteer student and I worked at introduction stands as promoter with my collaguages and made field marketing and distributed flyers. Personally, I learnt there how to communicate and convince to people and approach to them and understood the vitality of taking responsibility and being a team member. In additive, I had got to right to attend Erasmus programme when I was in my third year and went to Czech Republic,Prague. I studied there for 4 months and improved my english capabilities also met so many people from around the world and gained there an international mind. Moreover, I took there the courses related with economics, marketing and management. At the end of a course there which was Marketing in Automotive Industry, I was included to a final presentation there which was about opening a public campaign for Skoda cars and outlined customer profile of it. It was appreciated by my lecturer and friends which I helped to them to build up their own duties. Meanwhile, I had succeeded to found some business contacts there and met a Uzbek and Czech young entrepreneurs and arranged an internship related with customer care for the next term after my erasmus semester, however I had to resigned after a while because work conditions was not provided that negotiated before.
After I came back to Turkey again, I worked as volunteer again in a youth project which organized by Anna Lindh Foundation and was bringing the youngsters from the mediterranean countries. We made workshops there about culture studies,sustainability environment and It was also a valuable international experience for me.After all those, I had come back to concern about my academical life again and decided to do my master at Germany after strong advices and having some facts about German Universities' quality and validity of its diplomas that told me by a German friend of mine. While my courses still going on, I developed my German at Goethe Institut and then got the IELTS exam and had IELTS 6.5 Academic score in the frame my aims. Currently, I still do my internship in Istanbul at a Social Media Marketing Agency. I have got here some practical knowledges about search engine optimization, tracking customer feedbacks on twitter and also e-mail marketing.
Consumer Affairs department prepares its students to meet the new demands of new type of customers. Customer behaviour research, Organizational Psychology and Gender Studies, Advanced Technology and Innovation Management and Consumer history are the courses which I am into in so much and also appreciated by my marketing lecturer at my university. Another point that appeals me is doing project works in practice with other students and wide variety of job and internship possibilities of München.
My professional target is after working at the international companies that possible both in Turkey or Germany, getting involved with marketing and consumer researchs in an academical environment. I am aware that the harsh requirement conditions and qualifications that expected from applicants and I hope that my ambitiousness, self-confidence and enthusiasm is enough to cope with and get a Msc degree in Consumer Affairs.
I would like to thank you to consider me and look forward to your positive feedback.
Yours Faithfully,
Furkan SARIATLI
Top answer
Hi, (1) To whom may it concern, Personally I think it would be better if you changed this into 'Dear Sir/Madam'. 'To whom it may concern', in my opinion, sounds rude, as if you could not be bothered to address your unknown recepient with the respect they deserve. (2) During my study Change this into, During my studies...
- Hi, (1) To whom may it concern, Personally I think it would be better if you changed this into 'Dear Sir/Madam'.
- 'To whom it may concern', in my opinion, sounds rude, as if you could not be bothered to address your unknown recepient with the respect they deserve.
- (2) During my study Change this into, During my studies...
- - DJB -
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3 Answers
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Hi,
(1) To whom may it concern,
Personally I think it would be better if you changed this into 'Dear Sir/Madam'. 'To whom it may concern', in my opinion, sounds rude, as if you could not be bothered to address your unknown recepient with the respect they deserve.
(2) During my study
Change this into, During my studies...
- DJB -
(1) To whom may it concern,
Personally I think it would be better if you changed this into 'Dear Sir/Madam'. 'To whom it may concern', in my opinion, sounds rude, as if you could not be bothered to address your unknown recepient with the respect they deserve.
(2) During my study
Change this into, During my studies...
- DJB -
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Furkan23thank u so much DJB, do u have any other advices?There are multiple issues with your letter, but clearly you have put in some good effort. Unfortunately, if I were to correct all of your mistakes, I would have take a day off work.
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