Motivation letter

Question

Can anyone help me with evaluating my motivation letter. It's pretty raw for now.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

???????? ????? Can anyone help me with evaluating my motivation letter. It's pretty raw for now.

Where is your 'raw' letter, Valentin?

Валентин Пенев · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in hope of going out of my country and study somewhere where money doesn't equal grades, thus, gaining some practical knowledge and use it in real life.
Numbers have always been my friend, therefore, I am willing to work as finance or accounting manager. All I need to become one is to graduate somewhere where I am sure the university will provide me the chance to gain the needed knowledge to become one of the best in the branch. The definition of financial and management accounting fits my type of personality, because I have always been into thinking about the best way to invest different amounts of money. That is also the reason I have been saving money for university by myself for over a year. I have been working hard for the money and by investing them into my education I hope some day it pays off. And if it does, it will be my first successfull investment.
Solving geometry tasks, sudokus and strategy games have also improved my way of thinking "out of the box". There you have to look at the problem not only from one angle, but try and find some logic in the things that you have been given and think of the best way to find the answer. Knowing that most of the financial problems are more than meets the eye and having the ability to analyse thoroughly the problem, I think is an important asset for a person dealing with money. Having these features I feel confident and able to deal with those kind of problems. I've got the qualities, I just need the knowledge.
Finding a job and getting to know new people completely formed the person who I am now. Now, relying on almost completely myself , I know that if you want something really badly you have to do whatever it takes and make sacrifices. The sacrifice I am willing to make is my time, which for most of the people at my age is inadmissible, because I don't have time for partying if I know what will happen with me in the future.
The last thing I'd like to mention about myself is that I had been training gymnastics for a long time. It has taught me some things aswell. Such as that in order to complete a goal you need to know all the details before doing it and not be afraid of what awaits you. After trying the first time you have to work out on your mistakes and improve yourself as much as you can. This is a general ability that you need to have no matter what you are doing, so I just count it as a plus.
I find the UK universities attractive as a whole and I want to study there because I like very much the English language. I know that the University of *** has a very good reputation in the field I am looking for and I hope I fit in it.
With best regards, Valentin Penev

Валентин Пенев · Answer

I was waiting to see if anyone responds
Be as harsh as possible on the evaluation. I hope you can give some good advice while doing it too.

Anonymous · Answer

???????? ?????I was waiting to see if anyone respondsBe as harsh as possible on the evaluation. I hope you can give some good advice while doing it too.

Hi Valentin,

That's my go on it.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in hope of going out of my country to study somewhere where money doesn't give you a grade, to gain some practical knowledge and use it in the real life.
Numbers have always been my friends, therefore, I am willing to work as a finance or accounting manager. All I need to be the one is to graduate from the university that provides me with the chance to gain the needed knowledge for being the best in the branch. Finances, accounting and management is what I have always been thinking about in the context of how to invest different amounts of money in the best way. That is also the reason that I have been saving money for the university fee for over a year. I have been working hard for the money and I hope that investment into my education will pay off in the future. And if it does, it will be my highly successful investment.
Solving geometry tasks, sudoku and strategy games has also improved my way of out-of-the-box thinking in addressing the problem. I always try to find some logic in the tasks given to me and think of the best way of finding the answer. I know some financial problems from my own experience and have the ability to analyse thoroughly monetary issues, which are important assets of a person dealing with money. I am confident of being able to manage and deal with finances. I've got the qualities, but what I need is the knowledge. My personality has been formed by doing my job and interacting with people. I rely on myself and I am ready to make personal sacrifices to achieve my goals.

I have a hobby, gymnastics, which I have been doing for a long time. It has taught me some discipline and gave the inspiration to improve myself as much as I can.
I find the UK universities attractive as a whole and I would like to study there as I want to speak English fluently. I know that the University of *** has a very good reputation in the field that I am looking for and I hope I will fit into it.
With best regards, Valentin Penev

Валентин Пенев · Answer

Looks kinda better.  I was expecting criticism though <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' alt='Emotion: big smile'/> . Thanks for the help anyway. By the way, I have to ask, do you have any experience in doing this before?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I have made a few suggestions; I hope none too harsh!

I am writing in hope of going out of my country to study somewhere where money doesn't give you a grade, to gain some practical knowledge and use it in ~~the~~ real life.

I don't judge it advisable to start out on a negative note in your first sentence. Turn it around, make it positive.

Numbers have always been my friends, therefore, I ~~am willing to work~~ desire a career as a finance or accounting manager. All I need to be ~~the~~ one is to graduate from a ~~the~~ university that provides me with the chance to gain the needed knowledge for being the best in ~~the branch~~.my chosen profession.

Finances, accounting and management is what I have always been thinking about in the context of how to invest ~~different amounts of money~~ in the best way. (Your context here is an investment of a different sort) That is also the reason that I have been saving money for my education ~~the university fee~~ for over a year. I have been working hard for the money and I hope that investment in ~~into~~ my education will pay off in the future. And if it does, it will be my most ~~highly~~ successful investment.

Solving geometry tasks, sudoku and strategy games have ~~has~~ ( you don't solve strategy games, so the subject-verb agreement is rather precarious) also improved my way of out-of-the-box thinking in addressing a ~~the~~ problem. I always try to find some logic in the tasks given to me and think of the best way of finding the answer. I know some financial problems (This could be interpreted that you have experienced financial difficulties.) from my own experience and have the ability to analyse thoroughly monetary issues (I'm not sure what a monetary issue is.) , which are important assets of a person dealing with money. I am confident of being able to manage and deal with finances. I've got the qualities (you really need to be more specific, rather than being so vague - so you can do sums?) , but what I need is the knowledge. My personality has been formed by doing my job and interacting with people. (This is generally true of everyone on earth. You need to express something that makes you unique.) I rely on myself and I am ready to make personal sacrifices to achieve my goals.

I have a hobby, gymnastics, which I have been doing for a long time. It has taught me ~~some~~ discipline and gave me the inspiration to improve myself as much as I can.

I find the UK universities attractive as a whole (This is not very enthusiastic.) and I would like to study there as I want to speak English fluently. I know that the University of *** has a very good reputation in the field that I am looking for and I hope I will fit into it. (That's a pretty weak concluding sentence.)

Валентин Пенев · Answer

I don't want to be the messenger of the bad news, but you are correcting the one that was suggested by another user. After you take a look at the original (mine) could you please give some sort of advice. And criticise it, say what is wrong with it (if it's too short, if i have to add something, or just something wrong with the one I wrote). Any advice/criticism will be appreciated

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Oops, it doesn't say very much for the reviewer, does it?

Anyway, some of the comments do apply to your first post. I'll look at it more carefully.

Валентин Пенев · Answer

Well, as far as I saw your profile you seem pretty legit as a good reviewer <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' alt='Emotion: big smile'/>

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Here are some specific comments on you authentic original text. I will not repeat those I already gave in the earlier post which still apply. Sorry for the confusion...

I am writing in hope of going out of my country and studying somewhere where money doesn't equal grades, thus, gaining ~~some~~ practical knowledge to ~~and~~ use it in real life.

The profile ~~definition~~ of a person suited for financial and management accounting fits my type of personality, because I have always been into thinking about the best way to invest ~~different amounts of~~ money.

I have been working hard for the money and by investing it ~~them~~ into my education I hope some day it will pay off. And if it does, it will be my first successful investment.

Solving geometry tasks, playing sudokus and strategy games have also improved my way of thinking "out of the box".

Knowing that most of the financial problems are more than meets the eye and having the ability to analyse ~~thoroughly~~ the problem thoroughly, ~~I think is~~ are, I think, an important assets for a person dealing with money.

Having these talents, ~~features~~ I feel confident and able to deal with those kind of problems. I've got the qualities, I just need the knowledge.

The sacrifice I am willing to make is my time, which for most of the people at my age is inadmissible (unacceptable?) , because I don't have time for partying if I know what will happen with me in the future. (Sentence is ill-formed.)

After trying the first time you have to work ~~out~~ on your mistakes and improve yourself as much as you can.

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