Motivation letter?

Hello. My name is Anh Thu. I am applying to BBA program in Holland. Because I have failed once in entrance test as my poor motivation letter so I really need help this time. Please check my letter and give advices. The deadline is in October.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to apply for the International Business Management starting in February 2013. My career objective is to become a successful general manager of international chain stores.

I graduated the 12th grade in 2010 and am current a second year student studying Marketing at University of Finance and Marketing.

The ability of working under pressure and time limit is one of my strong points. The harsher the situation is, the more fascinated and determined I become. When in high school, before graduation exam days, there had been a motorbike accident which made me seriously injure and need at least two weeks to totally recover. Therefore, the large amount of lessons of six subjects studied in one month must be shortened within only two weeks. Immediately I started organizing a strict schedule for myself including carefully dividing time needed to study for each subjects and outlining the most primary key points based on my hard studying process before. As my plan worked, I got 52.5 out of 60 which is the second highest score in my class.

Not only can I succeed in individual works but also in team works. Through times being selected as a team leader, I learn the way to handle with inevitable personality conflict that most meet in a team as well as increase my organizational skill from distributing tasks appropriate with each member’s ability and organize them into the complete work. Both in high school and university, even work as a member or team leader, my team always perform excellently and leave good impression. Recently, I lead a psychology and business management group presentations where we came first in marketing class.

In last summer, I also had two part-time jobs as a seller staff in a private floor tiles store and as a consultant in a small English center. These jobs all benefited me a lot of great skills. Thing I learned when doing the former job is the way to approach the customer. Because my local people tend to think that seller staff is annoying as they want to freely see the items alone, I had to find out quickly what they want to buy. From that, raising a polite conservation in which mainly focus on their potential types in order to catch their attention. The latter helps me to strengthen my persuasive skill. Due to the numerous English centers in my city, my duty is to make student realize their advantages and convince them to choose my center instead the others.

Since childhood, I always dream about being a general manager of international fashion chain stores. However, my father, a traditional man, wants me to become a teacher because he thinks that girl should work in stable not highly competitive environment. If accepted to study in BBA, this will be the first concrete step to break my father conservative perspective as well as prove to him that I totally not only have ability to study excellently but also will become a successful manager in future.

There are three reasons I choose to study at Inholland University. First of all, the reasonable tuition fees my family can afford without affecting much in daily living expense. Secondly, your professional program which primary focus on business aspects and ensure the potential career. Finally, Amsterdam is the city I always want to experience life there. Given all my academic achievements, I am confident that I will bring high energy and enthusiasm to your program and exceed your expectations.

Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your acceptance.
Sincerely yours,
Anh Thu.