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Sophie Alexandrova Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Motivation letter
Could you read it and review? =)
International Office
Tampere University of Technology
March 1, 2012
Dear admission committee,
I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Machine Automation at Tampere University of Technology.
I am currently a 4th year student of BSc. in Mechanical Engineering at Peoples’ friendship university of Russia, Moscow. During the course I have specialized in Manufacturing technology, equipment and automation in machine building industry. I am interested in the opportunity of taking part in the international Master program “Machine Automation” at your university as I feel I have a lot to offer the course. I would prefer to learn Factory Automation as a study option.
This July I am graduating from my university with a BSc degree with an expected average score above 85 percent. Also I am trying to graduate among the top three students.
Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. I took part in a project at my university in the field of mechanical engineering “Chemical accumulation of metal on worn-out parts of machines”. Also my project in Parts of machines was showed at university’s conference.
I also speak fluent English and successfully passed the IELTS examination in February 2012.
I wish to study at Tampere University of Technology because of its outstanding educational system, which focus on work experience, and the excellent facilities present. From speaking with one of your representatives who was in Moscow at educational exhibition ICIEP in October 2011, I am confident of my decision.
In short by choosing to study in Tampere University of Technology I will benefit greatly from the extraordinary experience, and in the future I hope this will help me improve and have an amazing professional career. I am sure that the participation in the program “Machine Automation” will help to improve my theoretical knowledge and practical skills in the area of factory automation.
I am looking forward that my application can be assessed and approved at your earliest convenience.
Kind Regards, s.t.
International Office
Tampere University of Technology
March 1, 2012
Dear admission committee,
I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Machine Automation at Tampere University of Technology.
I am currently a 4th year student of BSc. in Mechanical Engineering at Peoples’ friendship university of Russia, Moscow. During the course I have specialized in Manufacturing technology, equipment and automation in machine building industry. I am interested in the opportunity of taking part in the international Master program “Machine Automation” at your university as I feel I have a lot to offer the course. I would prefer to learn Factory Automation as a study option.
This July I am graduating from my university with a BSc degree with an expected average score above 85 percent. Also I am trying to graduate among the top three students.
Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. I took part in a project at my university in the field of mechanical engineering “Chemical accumulation of metal on worn-out parts of machines”. Also my project in Parts of machines was showed at university’s conference.
I also speak fluent English and successfully passed the IELTS examination in February 2012.
I wish to study at Tampere University of Technology because of its outstanding educational system, which focus on work experience, and the excellent facilities present. From speaking with one of your representatives who was in Moscow at educational exhibition ICIEP in October 2011, I am confident of my decision.
In short by choosing to study in Tampere University of Technology I will benefit greatly from the extraordinary experience, and in the future I hope this will help me improve and have an amazing professional career. I am sure that the participation in the program “Machine Automation” will help to improve my theoretical knowledge and practical skills in the area of factory automation.
I am looking forward that my application can be assessed and approved at your earliest convenience.
Kind Regards, s.t.
Top answer
Hopefully this isn't too late a response. Honestly there isn't much room for improvement. The letter seems straightforward and generally devoid of errors.
- Hopefully this isn't too late a response.
- Honestly there isn't much room for improvement.
- The letter seems straightforward and generally devoid of errors.
- I would change the word "advanced" to something less specific.
- Have you taken "advanced" courses on leadership or communication?
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1 Answers
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Hopefully this isn't too late a response.
Honestly there isn't much room for improvement. The letter seems straightforward and generally devoid of errors.
I would change the word "advanced" to something less specific. Have you taken "advanced" courses on leadership or communication? If so, clarify. If not, try instead:
Complementing my strong academic performance is m
Honestly there isn't much room for improvement. The letter seems straightforward and generally devoid of errors.
I would change the word "advanced" to something less specific. Have you taken "advanced" courses on leadership or communication? If so, clarify. If not, try instead:
Complementing my strong academic performance is m
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