Motivation letter

Question

could you help me, I feel like it's missing something please can you use your magic, also I want it to stand out from all the rest from others, and I have not said any personal background on me. like where I was born and life in childhood.

thank you for time

Dear Sir or Madam:

The purpose of my letter is to apply to your "Hospitality Management" Degree starting in February 7th 2013. My career Goal is not just to be a hotel mangers but to have hotel chain around the world.

I want to study at *************** because of your exceptional education, internship experience, and your excellent links in the fastest growing industry. With some of the best professors in the world, your school is matchless, and for me to be the best. I have to learn from the best, that way I will gain more knowledge and more work experience, your school's internship puts me ahead of everyone and will help me pursue my dreams and ambitions.

Switzerland is known for its beautiful alps, its cheeses and many more, but what grabbed me was the Swiss traditional Hospitality. It is recognized all around the world, with many years of history it stands out from all the rest of the countries. The environment we get to study is something others can only dream of. In Switzerland, you get in front of the hotel industry world while you study, because of all the great hotels in Switzerland you get the right feel of the industry, which other countries cannot match.

My interest in hotel management grew when I use to go to our uncle's resort and see the people operate and how much respect my uncle had. I wanted to be part of that industry, each moment I stayed there ,my interest turned to love, then later my uncle opened a hotel from scratch and I saw it shape from nothing to something, and I was in love. At age 13 I got the idea to start my own company. I have made layouts of hotels, logo and name for my company. Sometimes I go around researching how other big companies start, so I can learn from them. If this is not interest then what is it.

Motivation are my passion, my dreams and my knowledge. I have always tried to standout from everyone else, because I want to be nothing short then the best. my passion will thrive me in my academic felid and in my internships. I will commitment to merit, I am confident that I will bring a my teamwork and responsibility skills to influence others in your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from work. I will enrich the program by enabling my fellow students and my professors to benefit from my ambitious. Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program. which is every much required in hotel industry.

Thank you for looking at my application, and I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours,
*****

Bimas Gc · Accepted Answer

please help me sir, i really need help in this

MountainHiker · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam:

The purpose of my letter is to apply to your "Hospitality Management" Degree starting in February 7th 2013. My career Goal is not just to be a hotel mangers but to have hotel chain around the world. While is certainly admirable to have big goals, goals should be achievable. I might phrase it to something that you want to become proficient, and if conditions allow, expand to have your own hotel chain.

I want to study at ** because of your exceptional education, internship experience, and your excellent links in the fastest growing industry. With some of the best professors in the world, your school is matchless, and for me to be the best. I have to learn from the best, that way I will gain more knowledge and more work experience, your school's internship puts me ahead of everyone and will help me pursue my dreams and ambitions.

The above paragraph just smells. You've given nothing tangible, just a lot of hairy fairy platitudes. This is likely your most difficult paragraph.

Switzerland is known for its beautiful alps, its cheeses and many more, but what grabbed me was the Swiss traditional Hospitality. It is recognized all around the world, with many years of history it stands out from all the rest of the countries. The environment we get to study is something others can only dream of. In Switzerland, you get in front of the hotel industry world while you study, because of all the great hotels in Switzerland you get the right feel of the industry, which other countries cannot match.

Again, over the top. There are several great hotel chains. For example, Four Seasons in North America, which is privately owned. What you want to do in any paragraph is stay away from vague statements that cannot be substantiated. Instead, you want to focus on items that tangible, observable and measurable.

My interest in hotel management grew when I use to go to our uncle's resort and see the people operate and how much respect my uncle had. I wanted to be part of that industry, each moment I stayed there ,my interest turned to love, then later my uncle opened a hotel from scratch and I saw it shape from nothing to something, and I was in love. At age 13 I got the idea to start my own company. I have made layouts of hotels, logo and name for my company. Sometimes I go around researching how other big companies start, so I can learn from them. If this is not interest then what is it.

By the time I got to this part of your letter, I already know your heart is set on hotel management. It sounds as though your uncle is successful. That is to say, there is more than one way to obtain great knowledge.

Motivation are my passion, my dreams and my knowledge. (not sure what that prior sentence means) I have always tried to standout from everyone else, because I want to be nothing short then the best. my My (capitalization?) passion will thrive me in my academic felid and in my internships. I will commitment to merit, I am confident that I will bring a my teamwork and responsibility skills to influence others in your program. (sentence is busted...run-on and nonsensical) I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from work. (You've provided no evidence of this in your letter. You claims to academic excellence, no team sports or leadership positions, and no work experience mentioned) I will enrich the program by enabling my fellow students and my professors to benefit from my ambitious (your ambitious WHAT?). Furthermore, my international background will add more diversity to your program. which is every much required in hotel industry.

Thank you for looking at my application, and I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours,
**

From your last paragraph, I see you've seen some of the other letters. You need to provide less general comments and more specifics. Tell me about what you enjoy and achieved. If you like hospitality, tell me about what you've done so far. If you claim to be smart, show me with your academic reports and awards. If you claim interpersonal skills, show me.

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

Bimas Gc · Answer

so should  i improve from this, or should just start all over agian...

MountainHiker · Answer

Here's what I would do...

1) Just write. Write everything you want to say. Don't worry about style, organization, length, or content. Just write.

2) When you finished step one, you'll probably have a five page or more letter. When you first read it, you'll think it's great.

3) Leave it alone for a few days, preferably four or more. Then reread your letter. What sounded great no longer does.

4) In steps one and two, you were writing for yourself. You understand exactly what you mean. Now, you need to write for others. Take a hatchet to your five page plus letter. Cut away all the junk. Begin working on the structure and organization.

5) Repeat Step 4 a few times. After a few iterations, your letter will begin to take shape. After you've repeated Step Four once or twice, repost. We'll help you get into better shape.

MH

Bimas Gc · Answer

allright then i will work on it, and also i  was suppose to answer these question like why you choses **** school , why hotel management and why swiss-land.  did i answer those question?

MountainHiker · Answer

Did you answer those questions? Not very well.

Why the school is always difficult. Find something unique or just tell the truth. I always like the truth. It's usually simple and elegant.

Hotel Management? Here, they are looking for your passion to the industry. Whatever you can do to show excellence and people skills, the better. Put it this way, if your a high school chess champion who hates dealing with illogical people, then this is the wrong industry for you. Conversely, if you are the high school chess champion who enjoys solving complex challenges between your various club and sporting activities, then perhaps the hotel industry is ideal for you. The key is likely people throughout. If you don't like people, it's the wrong industry. So you need to show you interest in people and show your prior activiites of working with people. Don't just say, I love people.

Switzerland? Again, similar to number one. Again, be honest. Maybe it's the first time away from home. Pleasant country. If it were me, I'd try to find an international angle. Because the hotel industry is all about travel, I would want to emphasize in my letter how my choices are related to people, travel, and problem solving.

MH

Bimas Gc · Answer

ohh ok so i will talk about people, travel and problem sloving while answering those question. ok i will work on it right now
thank you for taking your time.

MountainHiker · Answer

By far people is number one.

Travel...flexible, cultural understanding, patience, accomodation, friendly, schedules/time management...whatever else you can think of

Problem solving is important in almost any industry/occupation. When running a hotel, there are always problems. Occupants missing valuables from room. Occupants need tickets to a show. Occupants don't like room b/c of view. Occupants have issues in their personal lives that are spilling out into your hotel. Occupants are intoxicated and making a scene. Occupants are conducting illegal activities in a suite. Occupants are unhappy about something and are calling their lawyer to sue. And this list is limited only by your imagination. Your job will to be to solve the various issues without giving away the farm.

Bimas Gc · Answer

so i was thinking if i could go one by one para
if this is perfect then i don't have to change it.

The purpose of my letter is to apply to your "Hospitality Management” Degree starting in February 7Th 2013. My career goal after studies is to be a hotel manger.

I am a Nepali raised in United States. I will be graduating from **** high school in June 2012. My friends always call me international men, because I know four different languages and I am trying to learn Spanish (#5). I always had interest in learning new cultures, new languages and meet new people. With an outstanding academic record, I have gained skills required to be successful in the hotel industry, also I have played track and felid, helped me gain teamwork skills, while working with other people.

tell me if i am ok with this one it is suppose to tell them about me

MountainHiker · Answer

so i was thinking if i could go one by one para
if this is perfect then i don't have to change it.

The purpose of my letter is to apply to your "Hospitality Management” Degree starting in February 7Th (th - lower case) 2013. My career goal after studies is to be a hotel manger. No, you have higher aspirations than that? You want to be a hotel manager at a prestigeous hotel at an international cross roads where you can interact and assist foreign dignataries and travelers, right? If you simply want to be a hotel manager, there must be a local community college that is much closer.

I am a Nepali raised in United States. I will be graduating from **** high school in June 2012. My friends always call me international men, because I know four different languages and I am trying to learn Spanish (#5). I always had interest in learning new cultures, new languages and meet new people. With an outstanding academic record, I have gained skills required to be successful in the hotel industry, also I have played track and felid, helped me gain teamwork skills, while working with other people.

Since you're in the U.S., you should have access to MS Word? Use your spell and grammar checker. "international man". No shortcut such as #5. I am trying to learn a fifth language. For numbers less than ten, write them out. While you say you have an outstanding academic record, you'll have to prove it. As demonstrated my A average, I have an oustanding academic record. My favorite topics are writing and literature, because these two courses allow me to transport myself to far and distant lands without ever leaving the classroom.

While I enjoy a strong academic history, I also excel in social and sporting activities. Now go on to describe them. And when you describe them, relate them to PEOPLE.

As my demonstration paragraphs have shown, everything is focused on your ultimate goal. When you write something, ask youself: How does this statement kick the can further in my desired direction? If you can't answer that basic question, punt your latest statement.

Rather than bombarding me with questions, go back to our plan. Just write. Write you heart out for step one.

Motivation letter

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