Motivation letter

Question

Ok... so I need help with my motivational letter... Please check my grammatical and structurical mistakes... I would be very grateful... I only started to writte it... so it's not full...

1Example:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Robert xxxx citizen of Lithuania. I will graduate my school this year and I am interested in joining your famous Business Academy Aarhus. My goal is to work in IT field. Therefore I would like to gain a deeper theorical and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills. I believe an academy with a high reputation and many recommendations like Arhus is the best choice to achieve my future career objectives.

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood I was reading lot of magazines about computers and science. When my parents bought our first computer I used to spend a lot of time on it trying to understand how it works. I have learnt basic programming languages at school and I created some programs. Also I participated in school competitions of computer science.

In my leisure time I enjoy chess. I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. This gives me an opportunity to develop my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland, where I found English speaking friends.

My English skills is advanced, also I can speak and read in Russian and Polish.

I have very strong desire to pursue a career in Computer science and I believe that Aarhus Business Academy would give me a great preparation for my future career……

…..
Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

2nd...

Dear Sir or Madam

I am writing to apply for the Academy profession Degree in Computer science in which I am particularly interested.

My goal is to work in IT field. Therefore I would like to gain a deeper theorical and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills. I believe an academy with a high reputation like Arhus is the best choice to achieve my career objectives.

I am Robert xxx citizen of Lithuania. I will graduate my school this year and I am interested in joining your famous Business Academy Aarhus.

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood I was reading lot of magazines about computers and science .When I got my first computer I used to spend a lot of time on it trying to understand how it works. I have learnt basic programming languages at school and I created some programs. Also I participated in school competitions of computer science.

In my leisure time I enjoy chess. I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. This gives me an opportunity to develop my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland, where I found English speaking friends. My English skills are advanced. Also I can speak and read in Russian and Polish. I have very strong desire to pursue a career in Computer science and I believe that Aarhus Business Academy would give me a great preparation for my future career……

I hope after finishing my studies in Denmark I will become a programmer.

Dubler · Accepted Answer

Why I  can't edit my first post ?

MountainHiker · Answer

Hi Robert,

Before you paste into the text box, please enter a few letters, say "abc" and then paste. It will help keep your formatting.

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

In looking at your letters, try to discuss accomplishments rather than generalities.

>>My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood I was reading lot of magazines about computers and science .When I got my first computer I used to spend a lot of time on it trying to understand how it works. I have learnt basic programming languages at school and I created some programs. Also I participated in school competitions of computer science.

Since my childhood, I have been fascinated by computers and science. I first began reading books and magazines. Later, after my parents purchased a computer, I learned to program in Basic, Fortran, and C++. Of all the small programs that I have created, my favorite is xx because yy. Also, I belong to my high school's computer science club and have participated in several competitions, often placing in the top quartile.

The difference between these two paragraphs is that the first paragraph is general. The second paragraph has more specifics. You've told them what languages you are familiar with. You told them you created some programs. And you told them that you are an active participant who is reasonably good.

I hope that helps.

MH

Dubler · Answer

Ok thanks... I'll work on it...  But which introduction should I use ? First or secound ?

Dubler · Answer

I wrote my letter can you look at it... and say what you think...

Dear Sir or Madam

I wish to apply for the Academy profession Degree in Computer science in which I am particularly interested. I have very strong desire to pursue my future career in Computer science and I believe that Aarhus Business Academy is the best choice to achieve my career objectives.

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood, I have been fascinated by computers and science. I first began reading books and magazines. Later, after my parents purchased a computer, I learned to program in Basic and Pascal. Also, I belong to my high school's computer science club and have participated in several competitions, often placing in the top quartile. My favorite subjects in school are Information technology and Physics.

In my leisure time I enjoy chess. I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. This gives me an opportunity to develop my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland, where I found English speaking friends. My English skills are advanced, also I can speak and read in Russian and Polish.

I want to study at Aarhus Business Academy because I want to gain valuable theorical and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills. A completion of this profession Degree in your Academy will be a great experience and it will provide me of realization of my dreams. I hope after finishing my studies in Denmark I will be able to find a job in IT sphere. Also I will get an opportunity to meet new people and get better view of Denmark history and culture.

Thank you for your kind consideration, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,

Robert ***

MountainHiker · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam (missing a colon)

I wish to apply for the Academy profession Degree in Computer science in which I am particularly interested. I have very strong desire to pursue my future career in Computer science and I believe that Aarhus Business Academy is the best choice to achieve my career objectives.

(Make the first paragraph into one medium sentence. In other words, get rid of the non-essential information and be more focused on the rest.)

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood, I have been fascinated by computers and science. I first began reading books and magazines. Later, after my parents purchased a computer, I learned to program in Basic and Pascal. Also, I belong to my high school's computer science club and have participated in several competitions, often placing in the top quartile. My favorite subjects in school are Information technology and Physics.

(good)

~~In my leisure time I enjoy chess.~~ As a leisure activity, I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. By playing chess, I strengthen ~~This gives me an opportunity to develop~~ my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland (in year xx), where I found English speaking friends.

(I moved this to a new paragraph. Your prior paragraph was all about chess. This is a a new topic. You need to do something with your language skills. My English skills are advanced, also I can speak and read in Russian and Polish.)

I want to study at Aarhus Business Academy because I want to gain valuable theorical (spelling?) and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills. A completion of this profession Degree in your Academy will be a great experience and it will provide me of realization of my dreams. I hope after finishing my studies in Denmark I will be able to find a job in IT sphere. (This prior sentence is obvious. Thus, you can delete it. The reader assumes that you don't plan to get a degree so that you can sit on the beach.) Also I will get an opportunity to meet new people and get better view of Denmark history and culture. (this paragraph is not well focused. What is the real reason why you want to go do Denmark? There are lots of fine programming institutions. The Estonians are known as strong programmers, as are Russians. This is your weakest paragraph and requires more thought and work.)

Thank you for your kind consideration, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,

Robert ***

You're improving, though you have do to more work. Your languages sentence/paragraph needs more work. And your concluding paragraph needs more thought and work.

Dubler · Answer

Ok thanks for fast reply

I'll work on it...

Dubler · Answer

Haven't change it mutch... too tired, out of ideas... look at this... Also I don't have much time... maybe tomorrow i'll write more...

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Academy profession Degree in Computer science in which I am particularly interested. My career ambition is to become a programmer.

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood, I have been fascinated by computers and science. I first began reading books and magazines. Later, after my parents purchased a computer, I learned to program in Basic and Pascal. Also, I belong to my high school's computer science club and have participated in several competitions, often placing in the top quartile. My favorite subjects in school are Information technology and Physics.

As a leisure activity, I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. By playing chess, I strengthen my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland in year 2008, where I found English speaking friends.

I have reach baggage of foreign languages in addition to my Lithuanian mother tongue, I know: English, Polish and Russian. I use these languages in my every day life, speaking with my friends and family members.

I want to study at Aarhus Business Academy because it offers high quality education in a challenging study environment, also I want to gain valuable theoretical and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills. A completion of this profession Degree in your Academy will be a great experience and it will provide me of realization of my dreams. Also I will get an opportunity to meet new people and get better view of Denmark history and culture.

Thank you for your kind consideration, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,

Robert ***.

MountainHiker · Answer

Robert, I usually wait until you give me your best version. I am doing you a favor, so please save your work until you have done your best. And then I will review it.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Academy profession Degree in Computer science in which I am particularly interested. My career ambition is to become a programmer.

My personal interests are mostly in computers and electronics. Since my childhood, I have been fascinated by computers and science. I first began reading books and magazines. Later, after my parents purchased a computer, I learned to program in Basic and Pascal. Also, I belong to my high school's computer science club and have participated in several competitions, often placing in the top quartile. My favorite subjects in school are Information technology and Physics.

As a leisure activity, I play chess every week in our school chess club. It requires logical thinking and analytical skills to devise a game strategy. By playing chess, I strengthen my planning and problem solving skills. Also I was in chess team tournament in Poland in year 2008, where I made ~~found~~ English speaking friends.

I have reach baggage of foreign languages in addition to my Lithuanian mother tongue, I know: English, Polish and Russian. I use these languages in my every day life, speaking with my friends and family members.

In addition to my native Lithanian language, I also am fluent in English, Polish, Russian, and Martian. I use these different langauges frequently when I speak with my friends and family.

I want to study at Aarhus Business Academy because it offers high quality education in a challenging study environment (is there a war going on there?), also I want to gain valuable theoretical and practical knowledge in my computer programming skills.(delete this italicized portion) A completion of this profession Degree in your Academy will be a great experience and it will provide me of realization of my dreams. Also I will get an opportunity to meet new people and get better view of Denmark history and culture. You need to work on this paragraph.

Thank you for your kind consideration, and I look forward to receiving your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,

Robert ***.

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