Motivation letter

Question

Hi everyone!) Im newbie in writing motivation letter so I ask you for your help. Please check my motivation letter. And I want to say thank you for this site.
P.S. Strict criticism is welcome to.(:
P.P.S I think that my conclusion is too weak.I have no idea how write it.

Here is my motivation...

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Dear Sir or Madam,

You know, fjords are truly amazing. When my eyes saw the beauty of the fjords of Norway, my mind realised that I want to see more places where I have never been before. So I have to choose my path of life with more opportunities of travelling. My desire to learn something more about other countries and culture is growing every second. That is why I want to study abroad. It is my dream and my main goal. I know that Denmark is quite far away from my home. Despite distance, studying abroad seems to me new and very fascinating. Difficulties with which I will face do not afraid me. I think they will make me even stronger and more independent.

For me, English is international bridge between people of different nationalities. My knowledge of English language is a tool to build this bridge. I need more practise to make it stronger and indestructible. International programme gives me this chance. I am studying English at school and at tutor. I use all chances to improve my English: I listen to audio book, watch English films and read books in English.

I have a real passion for studying Maths. It is one of my strongest side and one of the most favourite subjects. Maths has taught me to be more accurate and focussed and find more ways of solution in exercises. I find the solution of problem with pleasure, because it makes my brain work and keeps it fit. Another favourite subject is drawing, which has given me creativity to express my individuality. When I was a child I had been going at art school for 5 years. After that I keep drawing for myself as an amateur. It has become my hobby. Origami is another one. I think it is the same as a building construction. This activity requires some patience, love and imagination to create something amazing too. All these skills I want to use in my future profession. Owing to this I have chosen Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management at Business Academy Aarhus. I am convinced that it is right choice.

In addition, I have read about the way of teaching. It is like conversation between students and teachers. There are a lot of group projects and practise. I find it very intriguing because it differs from Estonian education. Also I like opportunity of free studying Dutch which helps me to understand Danes more clearly.
My powers and mind are ready to study in this programme.I hope you will make my dreams come true and allow me to study at Business Academy Aarhus.

Yours faithfully,

Victoria

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Victoria, if math is your passion, then (almost) everything in your letter should be focused toward Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management at Business Academy.

As I read your letter, I was initially thinking you wanted to access English or fine arts. I was surprised when I found that you were interesting in construction and math.

Here are some sample posts that might help you get started:

H1shnica · Answer

thank you)

H1shnica · Answer

Hello again)
I rewrote my motivation letter and added something.Could you check it one more time, please?

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Bachelors programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management starting in September 2011.

When I was in Norway, I saw the amazing beauty of the fjords and realised that I want to see more places where I have never been before. So I have to choose my path of life with more opportunities of travelling. My desire to learn something more about other countries and culture is growing from day to day. That is why I want to study abroad. It has become my dream and main goal in my life. I know that Denmark is quite far away from my home. Despite distance, studying abroad seems new to me and very fascinating. Difficulties which I may face do not scare me. I think they will make me even stronger and more independent.

For me, English is an international bridge between people of different nationalities. My knowledge of English language is a tool for building my bridge. I need more practise to make it stronger and indestructible. You’re international programme might give me this chance. I am studying English at school and have extra lessons. I use all ways to improve my English: listening to audio book, watching English films and reading books in English.

I have a real passion for studying Maths. It is one of my strongest side and one of the most favourite subjects. Maths has taught me to be more accurate and focussed and find different solution in exercises. I look for the solution of a problem with pleasure, because it makes my brain work and keeps it fit. Another favourite subject is drawing, which has given me creativity to express my individuality. When I was a child I had been going at art school for 5 years. After that I keep drawing for myself as an amateur. It has become one of my hobbies. Origami is another one. I think it is the same as building construction. This activity also requires patience, love and imagination for creation something amazing. In building construction every line or a sketch can change someone’s life or life of the whole city and I would like take part in this.

I want to use all these skills in my future profession. Owing to this I have chosen Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction. I am convinced that it is right choice.

In addition, I have read about the way of teaching there. It is like dialogue between students and lecturers. There are a lot of group projects and practise. I find it very intriguing because it sounds new to me. Also I like the opportunity of studying Dutch which helps me to understand Danes more.

I look forward to studying at Business Academy Aarhus and hope that my dreams come true.

Yours faithfully,

Victoria

MountainHiker · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Bachelors programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management starting in September 2011.

When I was in Norway, I saw the amazing beauty of the fjords and realised that I want to see more places where I have never been before. So I have to choose my path of life with more opportunities of for travelling. My desire to learn something more about other countries and culture is growing from day to day. That is why I want to study abroad. It has become my dream and main goal in my life. I know that Denmark is quite far away from my home. Despite distance, studying abroad seems new to me and very fascinating. Difficulties which I may face do not scare me. I think they will make me even stronger and more independent.

For me, English is an international bridge between people of different nationalities. My knowledge of English language is a tool for building my bridge. I need more practise to make it stronger and indestructible. ~~You’re~~ Your international programme might give me this chance. I am studying English at school and have extra lessons. I use all ways to improve my English: listening to audio books, watching English films and reading books in English.

I have a real passion for studying mathmatics ~~Maths~~. It is one of my strongest ~~side~~ and ~~one of the~~ most favourite subjects. Mathematics ~~Maths~~ has taught me to be more accurate and ~~focussed~~ focused and find different solution in exercises. I look for ~~the~~ solutions ~~of a~~ to problems with pleasure, because it makes my brain work and keeps it fit. Another favourite subject is drawing, which has given me creativity to express my individuality. When I was a child I had been going at art school for 5 years (sentence is unclear. When you were 3 years old, you had been going to art school for 5 years?). After that I keep drawing for myself as an amateur. It has become one of my hobbies. Origami is another one. I think it is the same as building construction. This activity also requires patience, love and imagination for creation something amazing. In building construction every line or a sketch can change someone’s life or life of the whole city, and I would like take part in this.

I want to use all these skills in my future profession. Owing to this I have chosen Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction. I am convinced that it is right choice.

In addition, I have read about the way of teaching there. It is like dialogue between students and lecturers. There are a lot of group projects and practise. I find it very intriguing
because it sounds new to me. Also I like the opportunity of studying Dutch which helps me to understand Danes more.

I look forward to studying at Business Academy Aarhus and hope that my dreams come true.

Yours faithfully,
Victoria

Victoria, when is your letter required?

Overall, your English is reasonable. Your letter sounds sweet and genuine. However, it could be written in a more concise and focused manner.

Also, in your letter, you don't tell me about your academic history or your work history. Those are important too. In these types of letters, it is good if you can measure something. For example, I was in the top quartile of my English class. Here, there is something measurable, quantifiable.

You've done well to learn your English.

H1shnica · Answer

Thank you very much) My motivation is required by Friday. I can write that I am one of the best students in mathematics. ...and about this "When I was a child I had been going at art school for 5 years" When I was 9 I went to the art school and have been studying for 5 years. May be this way it will be correct?

MountainHiker · Answer

Friday is very quick. Try to give as much detail as possible so that the reader does not make mistakes when reading your letter.

In these letters you want to convince the reader that you are a strong candidate that possesses the necessary skills and aptitudes to succeed.

Make any corrections you like, someone will try to review before Friday.

H1shnica · Answer

I added a little more. I am very grateful to you for your Big help.) Unfortunately I havent enough free time to write more details(

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Bachelors programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management starting in September 2011.

When I was in Norway, I saw the amazing beauty of the fjords and realised that I want to see more places where I have never been before. So I have to choose my path of life with more opportunities for travelling. My desire to learn something more about other countries and culture is growing from day to day. That is why I want to study abroad. It has become my dream and main goal in my life. I know that Denmark is quite far away from my home. Despite distance, studying abroad seems new to me and very fascinating. Difficulties which I may face do not scare me. I think they will make me even stronger and more independent.

For me, English is an international bridge between people of different nationalities. My knowledge of English language is a tool for building my bridge. I need more practise to make it stronger and indestructible. Your international programme might give me this chance. I am studying English at school and have extra lessons. I use all ways to improve my English: listening to audio books, watching English films and reading books in English.

I have a real passion for studying mathematics. It is one of my strongest side and one of the most favourite subjects. I am at the top of the three at mathematics lessons. It has taught me to be more accurate and focused and find different solution in exercises. I look for solutions to problems with pleasure, because it makes my brain work and keeps it fit. Another favourite subject is drawing, which has given me creativity to express my individuality. I went to art school at age 9 and had been studying for 5 years. After that I keep drawing for myself as an amateur. It has become one of my hobbies. Origami is another one. I think it is the same as building construction. This activity also requires patience, love and imagination for creation something amazing. In building construction every line or a sketch can change someone’s life or life of the whole city, and I would like take part in this.

I want to use all these skills in my future profession and try to do my best. Owing to this I have chosen Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction. I am convinced that it is right choice.

In addition, I have read about the way of teaching there. It is like dialogue between students and lecturers. There are a lot of group projects and practise. I find it very intriguing because it sounds new to me. Also I like the opportunity of studying Dutch which helps me to understand Danes more. Moreover Aarhus attracts me with a wide range of leisure varieties, especially The Old Town.

I look forward to studying at Business Academy Aarhus and hope that my dreams come true.

Yours faithfully,

Victoria

MountainHiker · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying to your Bachelors programme of Architectural Technology and Construction Management starting in September 2011.

When I was in Norway, I saw the amazing beauty of the fjords and realised that I want to see more places where I have never been before. So I have to choose my path of life with more opportunities for travelling. My desire to learn something more about other countries and culture is growing from day to day. That is why I want to study abroad. It has become my dream and main goal in my life. I know that Denmark is quite far away from my home. Despite the distance, studying abroad seems new to me and very fascinating. Difficulties which I may face do not scare me. I think they will make me even stronger and more independent.

For me, English is an international bridge between people of different nationalities. My knowledge of English language is a tool for building my bridge. I need more practise to make it stronger and indestructible. Your international programme might give me this chance. I am studying English at school and have taken extra lessons. I always look for opportunities ~~use all ways~~ to improve my English, such as: (delete the colon) listening to audio books, watching English films and reading books in English.

I have a real passion for studying mathematics. It is one of my strongest ~~side~~ and ~~one of the most~~ favourite subjects. I am at the top of the three at mathematics lessons.( you are the top student of three students? Or you are in the top third of students?) It has taught me to be more accurate and focused in order to find a solution. ~~and find different solution in exercises~~. I look for solutions to problems with pleasure, because it makes my brain work and keeps it fit.

(new paragraph side...you are switching from hard (right/wrong) math to artistic (interpretive) creative activities)

Another favourite subject is drawing, which has given me creativity to express my individuality. I went to art school at age 9 and had been studying for 5 years. (I don't understand your last sentence. I think you mean, "I started art school at the age of nine and continued for the next five years." For numbers less than ten, please write them out. ) After that I keep drawing for myself as an amateur. It has become one of my hobbies. Origami is another one. I think it is the same as building construction. This activity also requires patience, love and imagination for creating ~~creation~~ something amazing. In building construction every line or a sketch can change someone’s life or life of the whole city, and I would like take part in this.

I want to use all these skills in my future profession and try to do my best. Owing to this I have chosen Bachelors Programme of Architectural Technology and Construction. This next sentence is obvious, so I would delete it. ~~I am convinced that it is right choice.~~

In addition, I have read about your programme's style of ~~the way of~~ teaching ~~there~~. It is like dialogue between students and lecturers. There are a lot of group projects and practise. I find it very intriguing because it sounds new to me. Also I like the opportunity of studying Dutch which helps me to understand Danes more. Moreover Aarhus attracts me with a wide range of leisure varieties, especially The Old Town.

I look forward to studying at Business Academy Aarhus and hope that my dreams come true.

Yours faithfully,
Victoria

Victoria, your letter is much different than how I would usually recommend a student write. I usually encourage (meaning force) a student to write a more serious, business minded approach. However, I suspect this letter fits you. This is who you are. Your letter is genuine and honest. So I hope it works welll for you.

I have made some more comments for you to fix.

H1shnica · Answer

Thank you veeeery much(: May be  Your help will change my future)

MountainHiker · Answer

Good luck!

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