Motivatin letter for German embassy

Hi, Id like to ask you to evaluate and correct my letter. Tell me of any mistakes that you can find and suggestions as to what i should include and what i should remove to make the letter as concise as possible. Thanks

Dear Sir,

My name is XX and I am applying for a long term Student visa that will allow me to continue my further education in Germany. I wish to obtain a degree in Mechanical Engineer in order to pursue my career.

I have always thought that this degree is the most suitable for me. It relates to many things I have a passion for. I would always be fascinated by the mechanisms of different gadgets and devices that I have not previously seen. Sometimes, I would really look them up online to get rid of the tiny curiosity that came across me. Gaining a little bit of knowledge from understanding just a small part of a specific machine would bring great satisfaction to me. Since quite a young age, I would use this drive to motivate myself into learning the physics behind different components of machinery and the Earth in general. I aspire to learn as much as I can in order to get a better understanding of my surroundings.

In order to further expand my knowledge, I require a place where it can be fulfilled. I have chosen Germany as the best location based on several factors. The German education system is very well known throughout the world. It is able to compete with the educations of some notable countries, especially in Engineering. Germany has had its part in history with some prominent inventors such as Karl Benz in designing inventions that are now being utilised widely across the world. German's technical expertise has allowed technology to flourish and reach this point in the modern world. As well as its high standard of education, Germany also has a relatively low cost of studying and this plays a huge role in my decision as I have two brothers that also need to be supported. A place of affordable cost providing a top-level education is a dream place and Germany fits the criteria.

I have already started studying the German language to prepare myself for Germany. Not only is it required to attend most classes, but it will also help considerably with everyday life in Germany. It will also allow me to integrate with the society and be no more of a stranger. I have already done one and a half year of the language course and I am willing to continue the rest in Germany after I have obtained my visa.

I imagine studying in Germany would be a complete step up from previous experiences. I have always been fond of European education as they are at the top, although I have not had the chance to experience it yet and I ask you to give it to me.

It would be a major achievement for me to be able to study in Germany and I am willing to do what it takes for me to reach there. I humbly request you to grant me a student visa so i can continue my further education and achieve my goal.