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Gauriagrawal Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Mothers day
Hi All,
I rewrite the paragrapgh. Please review it
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For a past few days my son, Ishank who is going to be 8 this summer was working hard to surprise me on this mother’s day. I knew that he was making a card for me but I pretended as if I don’t know anything. He restricted me to enter his room for a few days before the mother’s day. I complained him that how sad I am feeling as he has not planned anything this year for mother’s day. I also reminded him a few times that when he was in preschool, he used to make mother’s day card just like her little sister did this year. I was amazed to see his patience to make me realize that he is no more interested to give me any card this year on Mother’s day. I woke up this morning (mother’s day), my husband closed my eyes and ask Ishank to bring my surprise. I opened my eyes and astonished to see his imagination in making this three dimensional beautiful card. To my great surprise he wrote the message, “Happy mother’s day” in Hindi. He had been in India recently and somehow was too much into learning to write Hindi.
My husband again closed my eyes; one more beautiful card was lying in front of me, which he prepared in the school. After seeing these two cards I was feeling delighted. Suddenly, I felt an uneasy and was trying hard to feel his love in the cards. He just wrote a single sentence “happy mother’s day” in hindi in the first card and in English in the another one. I could see this card merely as his passion to create something new and to write something in Hindi. Before I could indulge further in my thoughts; my husband again closed my eyes for one more surprise. It was a book of a few leaflets with a cover page of women face painted with crayons. I could feel numbness in my eyes as I go through the book. I can’t expect anyone to describe me in such a simple words.
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Thanks
Gauri
I rewrite the paragrapgh. Please review it
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For a past few days my son, Ishank who is going to be 8 this summer was working hard to surprise me on this mother’s day. I knew that he was making a card for me but I pretended as if I don’t know anything. He restricted me to enter his room for a few days before the mother’s day. I complained him that how sad I am feeling as he has not planned anything this year for mother’s day. I also reminded him a few times that when he was in preschool, he used to make mother’s day card just like her little sister did this year. I was amazed to see his patience to make me realize that he is no more interested to give me any card this year on Mother’s day. I woke up this morning (mother’s day), my husband closed my eyes and ask Ishank to bring my surprise. I opened my eyes and astonished to see his imagination in making this three dimensional beautiful card. To my great surprise he wrote the message, “Happy mother’s day” in Hindi. He had been in India recently and somehow was too much into learning to write Hindi.
My husband again closed my eyes; one more beautiful card was lying in front of me, which he prepared in the school. After seeing these two cards I was feeling delighted. Suddenly, I felt an uneasy and was trying hard to feel his love in the cards. He just wrote a single sentence “happy mother’s day” in hindi in the first card and in English in the another one. I could see this card merely as his passion to create something new and to write something in Hindi. Before I could indulge further in my thoughts; my husband again closed my eyes for one more surprise. It was a book of a few leaflets with a cover page of women face painted with crayons. I could feel numbness in my eyes as I go through the book. I can’t expect anyone to describe me in such a simple words.
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Thanks
Gauri
Top answer
Hi, Gauri ~ That is a charming story! Here's how I would edit it: My son Ishank, who is almost eight, has been working hard these last few days to surprise me on Mother’s Day. I knew he was making a card for me, but I pretended not to know anything -- even though he barred me from his room for a few days before Mother’s Day.
- Hi, Gauri ~ That is a charming story!
- Here's how I would edit it: My son Ishank, who is almost eight, has been working hard these last few days to surprise me on Mother’s Day.
- I knew he was making a card for me, but I pretended not to know anything -- even though he barred me from his room for a few days before Mother’s Day.
- I complained that I was sad he was not planning anything for Mother's Day, and I also reminded him that when he was in preschool, he used to make Mother’s Day cards like his little sister did this year.
- I was amazed at his powers of perseverance to make me think that he is no longer interested in giving me a card on Mother’s Day.
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2 Answers
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Hi, Gauri ~
That is a charming story!
Here's how I would edit it:
My son Ishank, who is almost eight, has been working hard these last few days to surprise me on Mother’s Day. I knew he was making a card for me, but I pretended not to know anything -- even though he barred me from his room for a few days before Mother’s Day. I complained that I was sad he was not
That is a charming story!
Here's how I would edit it:
My son Ishank, who is almost eight, has been working hard these last few days to surprise me on Mother’s Day. I knew he was making a card for me, but I pretended not to know anything -- even though he barred me from his room for a few days before Mother’s Day. I complained that I was sad he was not
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thank you so much. You have edited it so nicely. I read each and every sentence carefully and learnt many things. Here are a few points
(Dear Gauri: I'm not sure what you mean here: "He had been in India recently and somehow was too much into learning to write Hindi.")
1. Hindi is the language which is he can only speak and understand but since He was in India so he tried
(Dear Gauri: I'm not sure what you mean here: "He had been in India recently and somehow was too much into learning to write Hindi.")
1. Hindi is the language which is he can only speak and understand but since He was in India so he tried
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