mistakes?

0Hey everybody, welll errr would someone please check this letter:grammar ,and just sentenses that do not sound natural to you. Thats my homework and im pretty eager to get an A for it 05002br
00Any corrections would be much apprciated.02br
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00***02br
00Dear Mr.Offdahinges,02br
00I am writing to apply for the job of ketchup-bottle-opener which I saw advertised in “Da world dat crashed” yesterday. I would be interested in opening ketchup bottles anywhere and at anytime. I enclose a copy of my CV.02br
00I am 18 years old and I’ve just finished secondary school in GdeVKaragande city.02br
00I would like to work for you because I am very interested in breaking the concept of closed space.02br
00My wish to do so, followed the work of Baddam Sush, a famous scientist, who has proven that closed space can frighten some people (especially claustrophobic ones) so much that they lose their minds completely and do not use even MINIMUM amount of common sense while posting on different and especially music (my favourite ones) forums. I consider trashing internet forums with half-witted messages a great problem, so I am very eager to help the world and save it from these not very good people. I think opening ketchup bottles would help me enormously in doing so. 02br
00I am a very hard-working person and I also have great experience in the subject. In fact I’ve been opening ketchup bottles for almost 14 years and I’m very proud of it!!! I also can substitute any of your other-type-of-content-of-the-bottles-bottle openers if needed, since I m also very good at opening mustard bottles, mayonnaise bottles, coca-cola bottles and all other bottles ever invented by the human kind.02br
00I think that I would be a perfect employee for your company due to the facts I’ve pointed above. In addition I’m the niece of BigMrJohnny, so I get on very well with all the mafia in the town. 02br
00Make the world worth living, get rid of lunatics, say “NO” to spam, employ me!!!!!02br
00I look forward to hearing from you.02br
00Yours Sincerely,02br
00Estuary. 010id1