Miss Congeniality III -- twice

I have a feeling I might regret this, but what the hell. Gustav looks like it may be a non-disaster, so here's a real disaster.

I tried doing Miss Congeniality III The President.

My first attempt got a bit heavy. My second attempt got a bit silly (and was written before I heard about Bristol's pregnancy).

Anyway, it's labour day, so relax and enjoy (or not).

ATTEMPT 1
FADE IN:
INT. ALASKA HOME - DAY
The lounge of a middle class home. Three pictures dominate the wall: an old photo showing three beauty queens smiling with the caption: "Miss Alaska 1987;" a wedding photo, about the same age; and a brand-new framed political poster with an older man and a younger woman: "McQUANE/PEYTON '08". Hand- written in a confident scrawl is: "To a winner. John McQuane."

THREE DAUGHTERS sit on the couch next to a STROLLER. Two are busy with laptops. The oldest watches TV.
MISS CONGENIALITY enters, dressed in furry boots and a bobble hat. She is obviously the PEYTON from the campaign photo. She carries a faded sash with "First Princess" written on it. She throws it over the Oldest Daughter.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Ta-da! I was First Princess of
Alaska. Now you'll be First
Princess of America.
The Oldest Daughter shrugs it off irritably and continues looking at the TV. On her lap is a newspaper. In screaming headlines: "McQUANE DIES."
ON TV SCREEN
NEWS ANCHOR
With the inauguration just days
away, will the president stay on?
Our White House correspondent has
the latest...
ON OLDEST DAUGHTER
OLDEST DAUGHTER
I don't want to be a princess.
Besides, you're not President.
They won't let you be.
Miss Congeniality stands with her hands on her hips and glares at the Oldest Daughter.
MISS CONGENIALITY
They elected me the Veep. Now
that McQuane's dead, I'm the Prez.
End of story. I am going to
Washington and I will get
inaugurated, and as soon as the
weather clears, you'll be with me
She pulls the stroller over and puts the Oldest Daughter's hand on the handle, and holds it in place.
MISS CONGENIALITY
While I'm away, I need you to be
strong. Look after the others,
and especially...
(she nods at the
stroller)
The Oldest Daughter tries to pull her hand away. Miss Congeniality won't let her. The Oldest Daughter looks anguished. This is more responsibility than she wants.

OLDEST DAUGHTER
I can't...
MISS CONGENIALITY
Yes you can. I'm counting on you.
Don't let me down.
She moves to kneel in front of the Middle Daughter. She holds out a cupped palm. Middle Daughter spits a wad of gum into her hand. Miss Congeniality tosses it expertly into a wastepaper basket clear across the room. She taps the laptop on the daughter's lap.
MISS CONGENIALITY
No gum. Now, what is the man's name?
MIDDLE DAUGHTER
Putin, Mom.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Putin, right. And you are looking
for...?
MIDDLE DAUGHTER
Any tanks massing on the border.
Any Chinese friends on his
Facebook profile. Text you
immediately.
Miss Congeniality kisses her on the forehead and crosses to the Youngest Daughter. She squats to her level.
YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
I think it's getting worse, Mom.
She swivels the laptop so that Miss Congeniality can see.

ON LAPTOP SCREEN
A broad band of harsh weather across most of Northern USA.

ON YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
Stay with us, Mom.
OLDEST DAUGHTER
Yes, stay. They don't need another
politician in Washington
MISS CONGENIALITY
Correct. They don't need a
politician. They need an Alaskan.
That's why I'm going.
On the mantelpiece is a photo of a YOUNG MAN IN UNIFORM. She picks it up and kisses it.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Tell your brother his Commander-
In-Chief sends her love.
She crosses the room and picks up a backpack by the front door. She turns to look back at the scene.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Remember, you're the First Family
now. Behave like it.
The Oldest Daughter looks at the TV.
ON TV SCREEN
NEWS ANCHOR
In other news, ice storms and
freezing conditions hit much of
the USA, grounding all aircraft
including Air Force One...
EXT. ALASKA HOME - DAY
The isolated house stands in a snow-covered countryside. A SNOWMOBILE stands packed for a journey. Next to it stands HUBBY dressed in a hard hat and carrying an ENORMOUS WRENCH in both hands. She walks up to him and holds him tight.

MISS CONGENIALITY
Keep that oil flowing, willya?
HUBBY
Of course.
He holds his wrench, not her. But tears are rolling down his face as he leans into the hug.
Miss Congeniality breaks the clinch and moves to the snowmobile. She brushes snow off the seat.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Global warming. Hah!
ON HUBBY
Icicle tears hang from his eyes as he watches her sadly, wrench in hand.
MISS CONGENIALITY (O.S.)
Behind you!
Hubby turns. He sees a MOOSE in the yard. A SHOT rings out. The moose staggers and falls. Hubby turns back. Miss Congeniality is busy sheathing a rifle amongst the baggage.

MISS CONGENIALITY
Well, there's supper.
The Youngest Daughter appears at the front door.
YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
Mooseburger again! Yuck!
MISS CONGENIALITY
There's salmon in the freezer.
YOUNGEST DAUGHTER
Eeugh! I'm a vegetarian, Mom.
MISS CONGENIALITY
Eat what's put in front of you. Bye.
The other two daughters look from the windows. All wave goodbye as she starts the snowmobile and heads off.

As the sound of the motor DIES AWAY, there is a GASPING SOUND. Hubby turns to the moose, which is struggling to stand. Blood streaks its flanks.
HUBBY
(calling to the house)
Knife! Before this thing gets cold.
Hubby strides over to the moose and pounds its head with his wrench.

Martin