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Sailsofoblivion Posted 12 years ago
Meaning?
Hi, I was just wondering if someone could read this poem, and tell me if they think that the meaning is clear or not. If not, I'd be grateful if any areas that need improved were pointed out to me. It's a piece of coursework due tomorrow, so I am trying to ensure that it's of a reasonable quality.
Thanks in advance!
Emma
The Artists
The lovers of the moonlight are
Those who find solace when dusk falls,
For only then can they be free
To pursue their dreams without fear.
They care not for earthly troubles,
As artists, condemned to create
Splendour that cannot be oppressed
Within the tomb that is this world.
Their craft is inspired by sorrow,
In a form, timeworn and haunting,
As they create in silence, rare,
Amid the shadows of this world.
They were once forlorn in the light,
Until they allied in darkness,
To free their dreams from oppression
Within the tomb that is this world.
These lovers of the moonlight shall
Retire at the break of dawn, when
The fire-eye sun has awoken,
And sleep just like the silver moon.
For in the light, when mortals wake,
They find that their hearts are woeful,
And that all joy now eludes them
Within the tomb that is this world.
Thanks in advance!
Emma
The Artists
The lovers of the moonlight are
Those who find solace when dusk falls,
For only then can they be free
To pursue their dreams without fear.
They care not for earthly troubles,
As artists, condemned to create
Splendour that cannot be oppressed
Within the tomb that is this world.
Their craft is inspired by sorrow,
In a form, timeworn and haunting,
As they create in silence, rare,
Amid the shadows of this world.
They were once forlorn in the light,
Until they allied in darkness,
To free their dreams from oppression
Within the tomb that is this world.
These lovers of the moonlight shall
Retire at the break of dawn, when
The fire-eye sun has awoken,
And sleep just like the silver moon.
For in the light, when mortals wake,
They find that their hearts are woeful,
And that all joy now eludes them
Within the tomb that is this world.
Top answer
I'm not sure what "fire-eye" means. Did you mean "fiery" or maybe "fire-eyed sun"? It doesn't make sense to me.
- I'm not sure what "fire-eye" means.
- Did you mean "fiery" or maybe "fire-eyed sun"?
- It doesn't make sense to me.
- " it is not clear whether you are referring back to the "lovers of moonlight" sleeping (which I think you are) or back to the sun sleeping which was just mentioned in the preceding sentence.
- Semi-colons in contrast to commas, in certain spots, might help keep thoughts distinct.
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2 Answers
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I'm not sure what "fire-eye" means. Did you mean "fiery" or maybe "fire-eyed sun"? It doesn't make sense to me.
Also, the next sentence which begins, "And sleep..." it is not clear whether you are referring back to the "lovers of moonlight" sleeping (which I think you are) or back to the sun sleeping which was just mentioned in the preceding sentence.
Semi-colons in contrast to commas,
Also, the next sentence which begins, "And sleep..." it is not clear whether you are referring back to the "lovers of moonlight" sleeping (which I think you are) or back to the sun sleeping which was just mentioned in the preceding sentence.
Semi-colons in contrast to commas,
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You're right, I changed it to 'fire-eyed sun' as it seems a lot clearer. I am referring back to the 'lovers of the moonlight', would a semi colon after 'dawn' in the final stanza make it clearer? I am also not sure if it would be apt to us a semi-colon in the second stanza after darkness too...
Thanks for your help! This is the updated version:
The Artists
The lovers of
Thanks for your help! This is the updated version:
The Artists
The lovers of
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