MBA Motivation letter: Please help me out!!

Dear all,
I am applying for an MBA program in Germany and it would be great if you can help me with the following motivation letter.Thanks so much in advance!!!!
I have problems with connecting my working experiences with my career goals. I think I am not even convinced by this letter. I want some qualities that disguished me from other applicants but I don't what they are. On the other hand I think I know myself pretty well, did a lot of pyschological tests such as MBTI. But The more I look at myself, the more flat personality I think I have.
Looking forward to your insights!

Dear XXXX,

I am writing to apply to your full-time MBA program by for the 2014 fall intake. I believe his program is a solid step towards my career goal: to break into the operations or IT consulting world.

As a German major at the renowned XXXXXXX University, I gained substantial intercultural skills. Active involvement in student activities such as publicity minister of the students’ union and rich experiences in social work highlight my college life. After graduation, I worked as membership relations assistant at the xxxxx Chamber of Commerce, at which I gained solid knowledge of the operations of an NGO. Furthermore, it offered me opportunities to mingle with people from various industries and provided me with a better mind set of the type of career I want to pursue. Aside from the routine work, I did same extra business development job and successfully brought a few new members to the Chamber.

My real interest for consulting grows with my work at XXXXXX, a world-leading manufacturer of XXXXXXXX. As XXXXXXXXX just broke into the retailing sector in China few years ago, I had the chance to grow together with it and was able to gain valued knowledge and experience in marketing and business development in an emerging market. A notable expertise I gained via this experience lies in new media, for example, the official Weibo (Chinese twitter) account operated by me gained over 40,000 followers in less than year. In co-operation with various PR agencies and IT services companies, I successfully led various projects such as dealer portal dealer program, custom website program, online promotion project etc. As a pragmatic person, I am intrigued by the fact that how IT can foster the open communication throughout corporation and change the way people work. The “Best Practice” bearing performance-based dealer incentive program I developed and implemented needs coordination of various departments and process optimization from sales to logistics. This experience gives me a deeper understanding of corporate operations and further evokes my interest in consulting work.

To break into the consulting world, a formal training in business methods and etiquettes that only an MBA would impart is a must. From day one I am targeting German programs because of my German proficiency and because it has been a dream for me to work and live in Germany for some time. I am very impressed by your program because firstly, its flexible length and elective modules give the students their own options; secondly, the small class size insures the students with a quality education which allows individual approach to faculty members. Thirdly, the program offers exchange opportunities to top-tier B-schools in the US, where I would love spend a term.

All in all, I am convinced that it would be a wonderful learning experience at your school, I am also confident that I will bring a different energy to your program. I look forward to your positive feedback.

Sincerely yours,
XXXXX