May someone help me with my letter of exchange to the chair?

Hi there, I was wondering if I may receive help editing my letter to the chair in applying for an exchange program. I have seen many letters that were written to the school of interest, however in my case I need to write to my own school saying why I am a good candidate. My essay writing skills are horrible, thus need to re-write till I get a good final copy. Thanks!

January 20/2012
Dear Dr. X

I am writing to apply for the 2012/2013 X University Exchange program. My name is X and I am a second year Criminal Justice student attending Y. I believe that it would not only be a fantastic opportunity to visit Australia and live as a resident, the experience of studying as a student in X will allow me to gain more skills and knowledge in the Criminal Justice field of study.

I am an only child and live with my father in a single-family household. Financially it is difficult for my father to be responsible for household costs alone while having a daughter attending university. From high school through first year to the present, I have been working part-time to be able to take care of my own expensive and to assist my parent with a few bills. The exchange program will allow me to have an experience I would not have been able to afford if it was not available through Y. During my third year, I would like to attend X for a semester because I feel that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, financially and academically. I always had a passion to travel but unfortunately I have not had many chances in the past. Now is the only opportunity that I can study at X in Australia while paying regular tuition fees, compared to RMIT’s original international student fee of more than ten thousand per year.

My main motivations to study at X in a county are that I would like to experience another educational system quite different from our own at Y, and to meet new people and their social culture while on this journey. RMIT is known as an international school with a large amount of international students, creating a diverse and multicultural community of students, which is something I experience and enjoy about Y. X’s campus is also in the core of the city, similar to Y. This helped my decision for choosing Australia because it will help make my transition from Toronto to Melbourne easier, to be able to focus on lectures and discussions rather trying to slowly adapting to my surroundings.

I have always had interest in the criminal justice system, law and social inequality. As a Criminal Justice student at Y, I have learned about all aspects of the system from the police to the victims, theories, the flaws. Being aboard will allow me to extend my current level of knowledge while studying the different perspectives on law. While learning about Australia’s security services, political and justice system, I also feel that being in a foreign country such as Australia will help increase my level of independence, responsibility and personal motivation. I strongly believe that studying a semester in Australia’s X University will help me in both my academic career and future career.

I am confident that I have the skills, academic preparation, enthusiasm and motivation to exceed the requirements of Y University’s exchange program while being a good representative of our school in X. Thank you for your time and attention to my application and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
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