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Poet Priya Posted 19 years ago
Magic of the Night
hi everyone,
this poem is open to comments n ur opinion
i have written this by myself.
and im new to this field, (poetry)
so pliz help me
Magic of the Night
i was out in the night,
it was dark n mysterious,
the trees were glowing in
the silver light, it was mixture
of sensations, there was a
creepiness and yet there is
something romantic about it,
the air was cool,
wind blowing softly,
leaves swaying this,
and that way,
i walked out, feeling the
hardness of the soil, sharpness
of the rocks, and the softness
of the grass, under my feet,
giving my heart a contended feeling,
giving me happiness to no end,
my soul a solace it craves,
oh dear, its feels so good, i feel
as if im in Paradise,
yeh, its heavenly to have these
moments to myself, its so unique,
so mysterious, so fascinating,
and so lovely,
this nature,
that soothes my being to no end,
oh i wish i could be able to stop time,
so that it could last forever,
ever and ever.
this poem is open to comments n ur opinion
i have written this by myself.
and im new to this field, (poetry)
so pliz help me
Magic of the Night
i was out in the night,
it was dark n mysterious,
the trees were glowing in
the silver light, it was mixture
of sensations, there was a
creepiness and yet there is
something romantic about it,
the air was cool,
wind blowing softly,
leaves swaying this,
and that way,
i walked out, feeling the
hardness of the soil, sharpness
of the rocks, and the softness
of the grass, under my feet,
giving my heart a contended feeling,
giving me happiness to no end,
my soul a solace it craves,
oh dear, its feels so good, i feel
as if im in Paradise,
yeh, its heavenly to have these
moments to myself, its so unique,
so mysterious, so fascinating,
and so lovely,
this nature,
that soothes my being to no end,
oh i wish i could be able to stop time,
so that it could last forever,
ever and ever.
Top answer
The trouble is, Priya, that it is not a poem-- it has neither internal rhythm nor meter to drive it along. This is a mood piece, and consists of two paragraphs of run-on sentences, with phrases set off with a series of far too many commas. In order to create poetry, you must do more than write down the first phrases that come to mind.
- The trouble is, Priya, that it is not a poem-- it has neither internal rhythm nor meter to drive it along.
- This is a mood piece, and consists of two paragraphs of run-on sentences, with phrases set off with a series of far too many commas.
- In order to create poetry, you must do more than write down the first phrases that come to mind.
- I was out in the night, it was dark and mysterious, the trees were glowing in the silver light, it was a mixture of sensations, there was a creepiness and yet there was something romantic about it, the air was cool, wind blowing softly, leaves swaying this, and that way, I walked out, feeling the hardness of the soil, sharpness of the rocks, and the softness of the grass, under my feet, giving me happiness to no end, my soul a solace it craves, oh dear, its feels so good, I feel as if I'm in Paradise, yeh, it's heavenly to have these moments to myself, it's so unique, so mysterious, so fascinating, and so lovely, this nature, that soothes my being to no end, oh I wish I could be able to stop time, so that it could last forever, ever and ever .
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3 Answers
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The trouble is, Priya, that it is not a poem-- it has neither internal rhythm nor meter to drive it along. This is a mood piece, and consists of two paragraphs of run-on sentences, with phrases set off with a series of far too many commas. In order to create poetry, you must do more than write down the first phrases that come to mind.
I was out in the night, it was dark and my
I was out in the night, it was dark and my
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thx for ur opinion, though, u didnt get it, the comas r used for emphasis n also for separating the clauses, or to even give a pause, i write descritive poems, like describing things
i use comas for different purposes
any suggestions how i shall improve writing this poem, make a better 1?
i use comas for different purposes
any suggestions how i shall improve writing this poem, make a better 1?
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If the reader doesn't 'get it', then your communication has failed, Priya-- and I have had many years of experience trying to 'get' people's poetry and other writings.
Some points to think about:
1-- Commas do not create emphasis; they are tools of clarity. Yours obfuscate.
2-- Descriptions are not descriptive poems. Here is a better description than yours:
This
Some points to think about:
1-- Commas do not create emphasis; they are tools of clarity. Yours obfuscate.
2-- Descriptions are not descriptive poems. Here is a better description than yours:
This
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