0
Gauriagrawal Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
magic mantra
Please review my story ( part1) below
There was a girl named Shiny. She was 8 years old. One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School. Mama took Shiny into her lap and asked the reason of her sadness. She was almost crying when she replied that no one wants to play with her. Mama had heard this many times from Shiny. Mama told Shiny excitedly that she knows a magic Mantra which can hypnotize the people and then you can ask them whatever you want. Shiny had the sparkly eyes after hearing the magic mantra. She requested Mama to give her that Magic mantra. Mama said that she could only give this mantra to her when Shiny could complete a few of homework and school work given by Mama. Mama warned Shiny that the mantra Mama would also not work if Shiny failed to do that homework and School work. Shiny was ready to do everything to resolve her issue. Mama then simply asked Shiny if Shiny could explain the reason that why her friends do not want to play with Shiny. Shiny took a deep breath and said that she thinks that no one likes her. Mama asked but how did Shiny say this? Mama asked if anyone told Shiny about this? Shiny was puzzled and had no answer for Mama’s question. So Mama asked Shiny next, “ Do you have a ugly nose?” Shiny laughed and said , “No”. Shiny also told mama that bad nose does not mean that people will not like her. Mama also joined the laughter. She further asked that , “ Don’t you share the things”. Shiny raised her voice and said that she always let her friend using her stuffs. Mama asked again are you 100% sure that not a single girl in your class likes you? Shiny again took a long pause and replied, “ I think it’s me who do not like many girls in my class but the girls I like they do not want to play with her. So I feel that these girls do not like me.” Mama was glad to hear this. She concluded that means not all the girls dislike you…right? Shiny replied proudly, “Yes”. Mama again asked Shiny if she could tell Mama that why she does not like all many girls of her class. Shiny suggested if she make a list of all girls whom she does not like and for what. Mama liked her suggestion. So Shiny prepared the list
There was a girl named Shiny. She was 8 years old. One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School. Mama took Shiny into her lap and asked the reason of her sadness. She was almost crying when she replied that no one wants to play with her. Mama had heard this many times from Shiny. Mama told Shiny excitedly that she knows a magic Mantra which can hypnotize the people and then you can ask them whatever you want. Shiny had the sparkly eyes after hearing the magic mantra. She requested Mama to give her that Magic mantra. Mama said that she could only give this mantra to her when Shiny could complete a few of homework and school work given by Mama. Mama warned Shiny that the mantra Mama would also not work if Shiny failed to do that homework and School work. Shiny was ready to do everything to resolve her issue. Mama then simply asked Shiny if Shiny could explain the reason that why her friends do not want to play with Shiny. Shiny took a deep breath and said that she thinks that no one likes her. Mama asked but how did Shiny say this? Mama asked if anyone told Shiny about this? Shiny was puzzled and had no answer for Mama’s question. So Mama asked Shiny next, “ Do you have a ugly nose?” Shiny laughed and said , “No”. Shiny also told mama that bad nose does not mean that people will not like her. Mama also joined the laughter. She further asked that , “ Don’t you share the things”. Shiny raised her voice and said that she always let her friend using her stuffs. Mama asked again are you 100% sure that not a single girl in your class likes you? Shiny again took a long pause and replied, “ I think it’s me who do not like many girls in my class but the girls I like they do not want to play with her. So I feel that these girls do not like me.” Mama was glad to hear this. She concluded that means not all the girls dislike you…right? Shiny replied proudly, “Yes”. Mama again asked Shiny if she could tell Mama that why she does not like all many girls of her class. Shiny suggested if she make a list of all girls whom she does not like and for what. Mama liked her suggestion. So Shiny prepared the list
Top answer
Start by combining your endless series of simple sentences into a variety of compound and complex sentences like this: There was a girl named Shiny. She was 8 years old. One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School.
- Start by combining your endless series of simple sentences into a variety of compound and complex sentences like this: There was a girl named Shiny.
- She was 8 years old.
- One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School.
- => One day, an 8-year-old girl named Shiny was very sad when she came home from school.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
3 Answers
0
Start by combining your endless series of simple sentences into a variety of compound and complex sentences like this:
There was a girl named Shiny. She was 8 years old. One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School. => One day, an 8-year-old girl named Shiny was very sad when she came home from school.
There was a girl named Shiny. She was 8 years old. One day Shiny was very sad when she was back home from School. => One day, an 8-year-old girl named Shiny was very sad when she came home from school.
00
0
I didn't look for any. Please edit your essay as I have advised and re-post it.
0
Related Questions