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Diegoocampo Posted 16 years ago
Song Writing & Lyrics

Lyrics of my own song!

So I am writing a song in English and I am not sure about some of the lines. Especially i have doubts about the sentence: "something's burning me..." and "won't be enough air to make me breath" Could someone check it? Thank you very much.

If you don't mind
I'll tell you what love is:
it's something even bigger
than the sky and the seas,

it's how you made me escape
from my misery;
the secret of my strengh
if you stay with me...

You can make me see
things that don't exist
more than in my dreams.
If you leave me now
there won't be enough
air to make me breath

Days are nights
I've lost my mind
and the stars have changed to blue..
So don't tell me again
"everything's gonna be all right"
I'd give my life
but the more I try
the more I'm loosing you...
There must be a way
to sew my broken heart...

... with a little more of you.

I was falling in the dark
when I saw your face
and your eyes became my home
your arms are my bed.

Why do you say it's over?
if I gave you all
you kept my world so calm..
now its out of control!.

When it's hard to sleep
something's burning me...
it's you under my skin.
With the sweetest kiss
and the hardest words
you broke my heart in two,
you left me alone... all alone!.. nooo

Ohhh I can't give up
our love is meant to last.
Come break me down
yeah break me down
and I will love you more.
  

Top answer

Hello, Diego-- and welcome to EnglishForward. Very good! I can suggest only a few changes: the secret of my strength if you stay with me...

  • Hello, Diego-- and welcome to EnglishForward.
  • Very good!
  • I can suggest only a few changes: the secret of my strength if you stay with me...
  • there won't be enough air to let me breathe but the more I try the more I'm losing you...
  • There must be a way to mend my broken heart...
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2 Answers
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Hello, Diego-- and welcome to EnglishForward.

Very good! I can suggest only a few changes:

the secret of my strength
if you stay with me...


there won't be enough
air to let me breathe

but the more I try
the more I'm losing you...
There must be a way
to mend my broken heart...

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Thank you very much!! I am lucky because the changes you suggested doesn't affect to the rhyme of the lines. I was specially worried about the sentence:

"When it's hard to sleep
something's burning me...
it's you under my skin."

that is supossed to be very romantic..

Has it any meanin

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