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Nguyenphuocquykhiem Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Look Forward for constructive feedback, THANKS.

Topic : New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

In this modern age, the enormous differences in the ways kids getting into recreational activities in free time have been observed around the world. Technology advancement is universally claimed for the contributing factor to these changes. From my personal perspective, in term of leisure pursuits, the cutting-edge technologies have significantly more adverse effects on children than positive effects.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that newly introduce technological devices provide children a bunch of different means of entertainment and various benefits going with it. Firstly, regarding to kinds of entertainment on online platform such as facebook, Instagram, those social networks have recently proved their integral part in children leisure activities, as those applications offer kids abilities to connect and truly relate with others users for instance their peers, relatives,…Therefore, children can learn expressing their feelings and enhance better non-verbal communicative skills. Secondly, online games have been considered to be beneficial to children in some ways. Some renowned games such as Legend of League demand gamers lots of soft skills , for instance Emotion: stick out tongueroblem-solving and financial management skills, therefore, young gamers can indirectly attain those skills at early age and apply to their real lives.

On the other hand, there are a number of extremely deleterious effect of technology-based entertainment to children that I strongly believe to outpace the visible advantages mentioned. Most apparently, the portable device screen pose huge threats to children eye-sight. Through long period sitting mindlessly before technology devices screen every day, children will likely to suffer the short-sight, which will possibly last over the latter of their lives. Moreover, if expose frequently, children will easily lose themselves in those recreational activities and neglect other upmost priorities at their age like the study, family,… or in other words, unconsciously developing the sedentary lifestyle, owning to the fact that pre-adolescents are completely severe lacking of time management.

In conclusion, regarding to the leisure activities, children might reap some benefits from technology devices for instance strong social bonds, however, those advantages are eclipsed by the disadvantages because they lead to the children’ health deterioration.

  

Top answer

I have highlighted the text that contains errors. Try to correct them. If you have questions, please reply.

  • I have highlighted the text that contains errors.
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  • If you have questions, please reply.
  • In this modern age , (This expression is unnecessary.
  • Use this type of expression only when the topic asks you to compare the present with the past) the enormous differences in the ways kids (missing words, improper verb form) getting into recreational activities in (missing word) free time have been observed around the world.
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I have highlighted the text that contains errors. Try to correct them. If you have questions, please reply.


In this modern age, (This expression is unnecessary. Use this type of expression only when the topic asks you to compare the present with the past) the enormous differences in the ways kids (missing words, improper verb form) getting into recreational

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