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Ellisa Posted 17 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Long essay, lots of errors!


Hello teachers!
Finally, here it comes the last part of my essay.
need your help, corrections and suggestions for better sentences!
Thanks in advance!

Unlike those therapies, the most distinctive way to treat the patient, who was exposed to the public disaster, is treating them as a group. When people get together with whom had undergone the same trauma come from the same event, they are more likely to share their feelings and pains freely. Once they have strong faith in each other, soon they become a cohesive group. Their cohesiveness encourages them a rapid recovery from disorders. There are some drawbacks in this method, though. One is that its strict boundary of the group. That is to say, the members are overly dependant on each other. Absence of a member can cause enormous fear and anxiety to the rest of them. Another one is that they can start a movement which demonstrate against the certain group. For example, right after 9/11, a few campaign was commenced against Islam. While the patients share their traumas, their emotions ran high which encouraged them to start the movement. We can say that they made the mistake of hasty generalization. According to Zakzouk, minister of Awkaf (religious endowments), criticized the unfair campaign in the West against Islam, saying that it was flagrant injustice to accuse one-fifth of the world population of terrorism.
  

Top answer

) as a group. When people get together with whom (others - or those - who) had undergone the same trauma come from the same event, they are more likely to share their feelings and pains freely. Once they have a strong faith in each other, soon ("soon" is ambiguous, since you already have an adverb clause of time, beginning with "once") they become a cohesive group.

  • ) as a group.
  • When people get together with whom (others - or those - who) had undergone the same trauma come from the same event, they are more likely to share their feelings and pains freely.
  • Once they have a strong faith in each other, soon ("soon" is ambiguous, since you already have an adverb clause of time, beginning with "once") they become a cohesive group.
  • Their cohesiveness encourages them to make a rapid recovery from disorders.
  • There are some drawbacks to this method, though.
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1 Answers
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Ellisa

Unlike those therapies, the most distinctive way to treat the patient, who was exposed to the public disaster,( no commas) is treating them (one patient?) as a group. Wh

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