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Amandine Posted 21 years ago

Lonely

0 Hidden deeply inside her 02br
00a heart was beating 02br
00without conviction. 02br
00Disillusionned child 02br
00whom the wide World didn't see 02br
00not being much concerned 02br
00by the pallor of her face 02br
00and the tears streaming down it. 0-
  

Top answer

' makes no sense without a comma. 02br 02br 02br 00Please check your spelling in the 4th line. 'World' should not be capitalized.

— Mister Micawber

  • ' makes no sense without a comma.
  • 02br 02br 02br 00Please check your spelling in the 4th line.
  • 'World' should not be capitalized.
  • 0-
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4 Answers
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0It needs punctuation--two periods are not sufficient to make your meaning clear: 02br
02br
00'...didn't see not being much concerned...' makes no sense without a comma. 02br
02br
02br
00Please check your spelling in the 4th line. 'World' should not be capitalized. 0-
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0
0 thanks, I wasn't sure for the punctuation, and even for the tenses used. I will correct it... 0-
0
0
0 I like it....just a suggestion instead of wide world..how about wasted world...i dont know, it seems more fitting 0-
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0

Is this poem talking about a fetus?

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