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Cointreau Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Lists in sentences
I have just written this sentence in a leaflet I am composing:
"A number of illnesses such us cancers, strokes, coronary, liver, neurological and kidney diseases can be prevented and often successfully cured if discovered early."
I suspect that the syntax here is clumsy but I cannot think of a way to make it clearer. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
"A number of illnesses such us cancers, strokes, coronary, liver, neurological and kidney diseases can be prevented and often successfully cured if discovered early."
I suspect that the syntax here is clumsy but I cannot think of a way to make it clearer. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Top answer
Dear Cointreau, Welcome to the forums. Many illnesses such as cardio-vascular disease, stroke, cancer, liver and kidney disease and neurological disorders can be prevented and successfully treated if diagnosed early. As a medical journal editor, I see these sorts of sentences often.
- Dear Cointreau, Welcome to the forums.
- Many illnesses such as cardio-vascular disease, stroke, cancer, liver and kidney disease and neurological disorders can be prevented and successfully treated if diagnosed early.
- As a medical journal editor, I see these sorts of sentences often.
- I tell the authors I work with to be as succinct and down to earth as possible.
- "Dumb it down" is a favorite expression of mine.
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4 Answers
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Dear Cointreau,
Welcome to the forums.
Many illnesses such as cardio-vascular disease, stroke, cancer, liver and kidney disease and neurological disorders can be prevented and successfully treated if diagnosed early.
As a medical journal editor, I see these sorts of sentences often. I tell the authors I work with to be as succinct and down to earth as possible. "Dumb it
Welcome to the forums.
Many illnesses such as cardio-vascular disease, stroke, cancer, liver and kidney disease and neurological disorders can be prevented and successfully treated if diagnosed early.
As a medical journal editor, I see these sorts of sentences often. I tell the authors I work with to be as succinct and down to earth as possible. "Dumb it
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Thank you for your response. Unfortunately all of the illnesses listed need to be listed, but I suspect that the way I've done so here may not be correct. If you can suggest an alternative I would be very grateful.
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
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John has already listed all of your ailments, Cointreau, in his excellent revision of your sentence. Did you read it?
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Oh i'm so sorry, I completely missed it (I am obviously a blind mole). That's much better, thank you very much indeed!
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