Line graph

Question

Please review my essay!The line chart compares the number of residents in three towns which were constructed between 2000 and 2010.Overall, it can be clearly seen that there was a downward trend in Sunview while Riverside and Newport both witnessed a growth.In detail, the house building in the Sunview starting at the highest point among three towns with over 80000 in 2000. Then, the figure rose slightly to peak at under 100000 in 2001, before declining significantly with some fluctuations to end up at 90000 in 2010.In contrast, by 2000 in Newport, just over 20000 houses were built in 2000, but it increased remarkably to 60000 in the two following years. Suddenly, the figure fell moderately before rocketing to peak at 90000 in 2010. Likewise, Riverside starting at the lowest point of only 10000 houses were constructed, however, it shooting up with some fluctuations to reach a peak at 70000 in 2008 but fell back suddenly in the following years before recovering a half to end up at more than 60000 in 2010.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line chart compares the number of residents (That is the number of people who live in the towns. ) in three towns which were constructed between 2000 and 2010. (That means these towns did not exist before 2000. In 1999, nobody lived in any of these three towns.)

Oh dear

Oh dear, that is not what is on this line graph.

You wrote that there were three new cities. People moved into these new places between 2008 and 2010, so the population changed.

Can you try again to write what is on this graph?

In the first paragraph tell the reader the names of the three towns, too.

I have highlighted words that are used incorrectly.
You can read about this in my advice for Task 1 essays:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/IeltsTaskHintsTipsAdvice/bxgnkx/post.htm

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Beside these problems, there are a few grammatical errors. But they are minor compared to the problems I have described.

Overall, ~~it can be clearly seen that~~ there was a downward trend in Sunview while Riverside and Newport both witnessed a growth.

In detail, the house building (You did not say anything in the first paragraph about houses.) in ~~the~~ Sunview starting at the highest point among three towns with over 80000 in 2000. Then, the figure rose slightly to peak at under 100000 in 2001, before declining significantly with some fluctuations to end up at 90000 in 2010.

In contrast, by 2000 in Newport, just over 20000 houses were built in 2000, but it increased remarkably to 60000 in the two following years. Suddenly, the figure fell moderately before rocketing to peak at 90000 in 2010. Likewise, Riverside starting at the lowest point of only 10000 houses were constructed, however, it shooting up with some fluctuations to reach a peak at 70000 in 2008 but fell back suddenly in the following years before recovering a half to end up at more than 60000 in 2010.

Line graph

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions