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Nimbuz Posted 20 years ago
Letter Writing
Letter: Request For New PC
Please advise corrections if necessary:
Dear [Chief Controller's Name]:
As an information person in a finance division, a genuine request
for a new computer is a work requirement of my various activities.
The extraction, manipulation, and storage of massive records is a
very time consuming process on a five year-old aged computer system.
A new computer system will eliminate various bottlenecks and develop
advanced technologies that will bring true benefit to the finance
division. With this in mind, the following system is my recommendation
as per my work requirements:
HP MicroTower DC5100 (PZ582UA):
Pentium 4 3.0 Ghz
512MB Memory
128MB Graphics
1.44MB Floppy Drive
80GB 7200RPM Hard Drive
48X CDRW Drive
Network Card
Mouse/Keyboard
HP CRT Monitor v7650:
17in .24 dpi monitor
Thus, my acknowledgeable hard work as "fast and furious" should bear
some fruitful results. If possible, please confirm in advance the
estimated availibility of my new computer system. I have positive
expectation to operate the new computer system early February 2006.
I will highly appreciate for your immediate and positive cooperation
on this matter.
Dear [Chief Controller's Name]:
As an information person in a finance division, a genuine request
for a new computer is a work requirement of my various activities.
The extraction, manipulation, and storage of massive records is a
very time consuming process on a five year-old aged computer system.
A new computer system will eliminate various bottlenecks and develop
advanced technologies that will bring true benefit to the finance
division. With this in mind, the following system is my recommendation
as per my work requirements:
HP MicroTower DC5100 (PZ582UA):
Pentium 4 3.0 Ghz
512MB Memory
128MB Graphics
1.44MB Floppy Drive
80GB 7200RPM Hard Drive
48X CDRW Drive
Network Card
Mouse/Keyboard
HP CRT Monitor v7650:
17in .24 dpi monitor
Thus, my acknowledgeable hard work as "fast and furious" should bear
some fruitful results. If possible, please confirm in advance the
estimated availibility of my new computer system. I have positive
expectation to operate the new computer system early February 2006.
I will highly appreciate for your immediate and positive cooperation
on this matter.
Top answer
Hello Nimbuz. Your letter is too wordy and convoluted. Simplify it to something like this: Dear [Chief Controller's Name]: An up-to-date computer is a requirement for my work as an information person in the finance division.
- Hello Nimbuz.
- Your letter is too wordy and convoluted.
- Simplify it to something like this: Dear [Chief Controller's Name]: An up-to-date computer is a requirement for my work as an information person in the finance division.
- The extraction, manipulation, and storage of massive records is currently a very time-consuming process on our five-year-old computer system.
- A new system will eliminate bottlenecks and allow us to use advanced software that will bring true benefit to our operations.
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1 Answers
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Hello Nimbuz. Your letter is too wordy and convoluted. Simplify it to something like this:
Dear [Chief Controller's Name]:
An up-to-date computer is a requirement for my work as an information person in the finance division. The extraction, manipulation, and storage of massive records is currently a very time-consuming process on our five-year-old computer system. A new syste
Dear [Chief Controller's Name]:
An up-to-date computer is a requirement for my work as an information person in the finance division. The extraction, manipulation, and storage of massive records is currently a very time-consuming process on our five-year-old computer system. A new syste
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