Letter of motivations?

Hi guys !! I'm applying for a PhD and wondering if my motivation letter needs to be fixed or make it more attractive.

10 December 2014

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying to your PhD project “XXX”, and guaranteed to complete it within 4 years. My career ambition is to become a doctor researching Government Debt Risk Management.

In 2012, I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Economics with top grades, placing in the top decile of my class. Following my first degree, I attended a cooperative program held by XXX and XXX. And I am about to get Master degrees of Finance and Quantitative Finance from two schools by September 2015, ranking among top one and top five students respectively. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with sovereign debt crisis. In 2011, I conducted a research project regarding the local government debt in China, and the following year published an article on “Factors influencing local government debt level”.

Complementing my strong academic performance are my advanced skills in leadership and communication. In several projects and competitions during my studies, I was the team leader responsible for constructing and leading the team. At the very start, team was assigned three main members: theorist, mathematician and programmer. Everyone taught each other while exploiting his or her own special expertise. As a team leader, I was responsible for my part for numerical modeling as well as governing the mutual relationship.

This year I went to XXX to further strengthen my theoretical knowledge and get closer where the European debt crisis happened. Moreover, I met people from all over Europe with different backgrounds and cultures. I found this experience personally and professionally rewarding because, by combining our impression of the crisis, I have a deeper understanding of the Eurozone crisis

In the same year, I am fortunate to assist my tutor (Prof. XXX, XXX, China) to carry out a national research project on “The impact of Internet Financing on Insurance sales”. By conducting this project, I sharpened my critical thinking and analysis as well as acquired advanced skills and techniques, especially those related to modeling of economic problems through numerical methods.

My research work on government debt led me to become interested in more related topics, such as measurement of government solvency and managing debt through boundaries. Since local governments have no independent finance sources and debt size grew dramatically these years, governing this problem is really a big challenge for China. Till now, no sustainable policies on this have been developed yet, like United States and Japan, I am even more enthusiastic to investigate this unknown field, which is also of key importance in part of your PhD program. For these reasons, I want to continue my studies at Leiden University, for its renown reputation in topics that ignite my curiosity the most.

Given my record of high academic achievement and strong interest in your division research, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the research project: “XXX”. Furthermore, because this subject is a personal passion, I will do my best to exceed your expectations. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background will add diversity to your program.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,