Letter of Motivation Help me please

Question

I have done my bachelor's degree in Computational Physics from X; this degree was started in 2004 at X from University Of The X. This degree was four years in duration. The faculty of this center has international recognition
There are many good things in my track record. Throughout my academic carrier I am "A" grade holder and was among the top 5 students of my programme. I participated in all X, President's Talent Hunting Program which was conducted by Y. I was among 10 students (with 3rd position) from all over X who were selected for study scholarships on open merit. After the completion of my bachelor's degree I was awarded 2nd position in this programme and a nomination for the role of honor in Computational Physics.
Moreover, my degree project was highly appreciated by the project committee and I was awarded highest GPA & marks in that. Along with my project I was engaged in publishing a paper "Review of Applications of Intelligent Methods in Physics", ISOSS, 4th International Conference on Statistical Sciences, May 9-11, 2008.
In the recent decades computational approach has appeared as a third paradigm of science. Today most of the high performance computing machines in the world are performing highly intensive computations. This paradigm have many dimensions, it is actively involved in many areas of science like Atomic Collisions, Heavy Ion Physics, Elementary Particle Physics, Neuroscience, Theoretical Immunology, Condense Matter Physics, Geodynamics, Meteorology And Hydrology, Parallelization And Virtualization, Bioscience, Bioinformatics, Quantum Chemistry and Computational Biology and Mathematics.
Here at University of X computational science division has many research groups who are researching in various projects like a, b, c, d, etc. So there is an opportunity for me to be a part of one of these groups. There were many tools and techniques which I learnt during my studies. Numerical methods, statistical models like Monte Carlo and Ising Model, Genetic Algorithm and Neural computing are one of the prominent models studied. That is the place where I can utilize my knowledge and skills for further research and development.
As I have my project in evolutionary computing and machine learning with applications in physics. My project was an attempt to make simulator which can solve problems from particle and astroparticle physics, astrophysics, solid state physics and many other areas of science. I have serious intension to do research in evolutionary computing, neuro computing, astrophysics, particle and astroparticle physics domains that are because what I have learnt in my previous study (tools and techniques which I have learnt regarding computational physics can be found through programme curricula and to some extent through my transcript). Although, I have ability to join other areas of computational science because of my educational background.
University of X is highly ranked in top 50 universities of the world. The thing which appeals me to join X is it's highly research intensive programme with a lot of collaboration with other institutes and labs. Computational Science section has many research groups like who are researching in different domain. Doing research master in computational science is naturally my future area of research because I already have strong background in computational science.
This programme suits me in all aspects. I think being part of this programme not only, I can make my future but also I can add some knowledge which will be very precious in the scientific community. Furthermore, this programme also beneficial for my country as well. At the end I also believe that I am quite suitable candidate for this programme.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,
You have too many details about your past, and too many general comments on the fild.

You need to focus on why you want to do this program, and also on why you want to do it at this particular university.

Clive

Adeelchep · Answer

hello,
thank you can you please highlight them or provide me some sample related to this

Adeelchep · Answer

is there anybody how can help me out, i need it very soon guys.

Adeelchep · Answer

I have modified my LOM according to your comments. Please check if it needs any modifications.
Please also check grammer mistakes if you like. Give me detailed guidence.
Dear Madam/Sir
I have decided to join X for MRes Grid Computing (Computational Science). I have done my bachelor's degree in Computational Physics from X; this degree was started in 2004 at X and was four years in duration. I have serious intentions to join X. I think that I have sufficient good reasons to be eligible for MRes Computational Science.
In the recent decades computational approach has appeared as a third paradigm of science. Today most of the high performance computing machines in the world are performing highly intensive computations. Computational science provides interdisciplinary training which can be further used for simulation of scientific problems. Solution to large scale numerical problems plays an important role in R&D in science and technology. In industry numerical solutions and simulations are more and more replacing experimental techniques. In science not only theoretical study but also experiments heavily rely on computational techniques and numerical simulation. So in the current scenario computational science becomes very important. It's not only cost effective but also time saving paradigm.
This paradigm have many dimensions, it is actively involved in many areas of science like Atomic Collisions, Heavy Ion Physics, Elementary Particle Physics, Neuroscience, Theoretical Immunology, Meteorology And Hydrology, Parallelization and Virtualization, Bioscience, Bioinformatics, Quantum Chemistry and Computational Biology etc.
I firmly believe that computational approach is the future of problem solving. It will heavily affect every branch of science, so not only deep knowledge in the relevant science is required but also knowledge about computational algorithms is required. In order to address the scientific problems, a deep understanding of subject along with appropriate computational models are required to perform computer based research and development. Scientific community is heavily in need of computational scientists.
I have not only basic subject knowledge but also I have expertise in scientific computing, numerical simulations, evolutionary computing algorithms, statistical models like Monte Carlo and Ising model, distributed computing and all related mathematical methods required for computing. For this my CV and transcript can be consulted. I also have published a research paper about computational physics.
Taking the above facts in my mind computational science becomes my elite area of research and my further studies. University of Amsterdam is highly ranked in top 50 universities of the world. The thing which appeals me to join X is it's highly research intensive programme with a lot of collaboration with other institutes and research labs. Computational Science section has many research groups like Virolab, UvA-DRIVE, BIOMINTEC, Lattice Boltzmann Research, Simulation of developmental regulatory networks etc. So there is an opportunity for me to be a part of one of these groups. That is the place where I can utilize my knowledge and skills for further research and development. Doing research master in computational science is naturally my future area of research because I already have strong background in computational science.
As I have my project in evolutionary computing and machine learning with applications in physics. My project was an attempt to make simulator which can solve problems from particle and astroparticle physics, astrophysics, solid state physics and many other areas of science. I have serious intension to join this university.
This programme suits me in all aspects. I think being part of this programme not only, I can make my future but also I can add some knowledge which will be very precious in the scientific community. Furthermore, this programme is also beneficial for my country as well. At the end I also believe that I am quite suitable candidate for this programme.

Adeel Akram
BSc (Hons.) Computational Physics
University of the X

Adeelchep · Answer

CliveHi,
You have too many details about your past, and too many general comments on the fild.

You need to focus on why you want to do this program, and also on why you want to do it at this particular university.

Clive

Sir you have highlighted the following two questions
why you want to do this program
why you want to do it at this particular university

in my earlier post i modified my LOM. i don't know how much i addressed these questions. which needs modifications which doesn't?

Clive · Answer

Hi,
Consider, for example, these two paragraphs from your letter. They don't seem to tell me anything about you and your motives. Why have you included them in your letter?

Clive

In the recent decades computational approach has appeared as a third paradigm of science. Today most of the high performance computing machines in the world are performing highly intensive computations. Computational science provides interdisciplinary training which can be further used for simulation of scientific problems. Solution to large scale numerical problems plays an important role in R&D in science and technology. In industry numerical solutions and simulations are more and more replacing experimental techniques. In science not only theoretical study but also experiments heavily rely on computational techniques and numerical simulation. So in the current scenario computational science becomes very important. It's not only cost effective but also time saving paradigm.
This paradigm have many dimensions, it is actively involved in many areas of science like Atomic Collisions, Heavy Ion Physics, Elementary Particle Physics, Neuroscience, Theoretical Immunology, Meteorology And Hydrology, Parallelization and Virtualization, Bioscience, Bioinformatics, Quantum Chemistry and Computational Biology etc.

Adeelchep · Answer

CliveHi,
Consider, for example, these two paragraphs from your letter. They don't seem to tell me anything about you and your motives. Why have you included them in your letter?

Clive

In the recent decades computational approach has appeared as a third paradigm of science. Today most of the high performance computing machines in the world are performing highly intensive computations. Computational science provides interdisciplinary training which can be further used for simulation of scientific problems. Solution to large scale numerical problems plays an important role in R&D in science and technology. In industry numerical solutions and simulations are more and more replacing experimental techniques. In science not only theoretical study but also experiments heavily rely on computational techniques and numerical simulation. So in the current scenario computational science becomes very important. It's not only cost effective but also time saving paradigm.
This paradigm have many dimensions, it is actively involved in many areas of science like Atomic Collisions, Heavy Ion Physics, Elementary Particle Physics, Neuroscience, Theoretical Immunology, Meteorology And Hydrology, Parallelization and Virtualization, Bioscience, Bioinformatics, Quantum Chemistry and Computational Biology etc.

i was just making a theme. what if, i delete them form LOM and retain the remaining letter then what will be the situation. truely i don't know how to write a LOM. i am thankful to you for kind help. but how i can improve it. i am modifing it now to make it better.

Clive · Answer

Hi,
Here's my suggestion.

Make a list of four reasons that you want to do this program. Then write a paragraph to explain each of them. Start with 'I want to do this because . . . '

That's four paragraphs.
Then add a paragraph about why you want to attend this particular institution.

Then show us.

Clive

Letter of Motivation Help me please

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