Letter of motivation for M. A. program in Germany - help

hi, I would like to do another study. It's a economical M. A. program at a german university. there is one problem, i have to write a letter of motivation at first. below I am presenting my first draft, so any criticism is welcome.
thank you in advance.
nick

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Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply to your Master program in *** starting in October 2014. Especially I will state my motivation and reasons for this application.

I am currently working for the *** in Hannover, Lower Saxony. As a member of the local Supervision Department it is essential to have in-depth knowledge about economic models and tools and skills for understanding economic interrelationships.

After graduating High School in 2006 I started to study Business Administration at the University *** in ***. Following this, I continued my academic career with the study of “***” at the University of Applied Sciences *** in ***. In September 2012 I graduated with a Diploma degree among the top three students in the course.

In addition to my convincing academic performance I already gained valuable practical experiences in the past. First, I worked in a regional credit institution, where I was responsible for the processing of credit applications. In this position I learned analytical thinking and the selecting of suitable information. In April 2010 I started to work for the ***, where I passed through different departments in the first two years. Due to the international working environment and the challenging and demanding tasks, where I have to apply my theoretical knowledge about economic interdependences, I decided quickly that I want to work in the department “***”. As mentioned above, I am currently working in this area, where I have to process on-site-inspections of credit institutions, evaluate specific asset pricing models as well as business models and where I have to coordinate my work closely with supra- and international institutions like the ***.

After finishing my study at the University *** I felt a strong desire to give something back to society. Therefore I decided to support pupil, who need help at school or just an impression about their future, by joining the voluntary association “Ausbildungspaten” in Hannover. In this role I reflected how my motivation and emotions, especially enthusiasm, can motivate others.

In my international work environment it is important to know several languages. I speak German and English fluently. Furthermore I learned Latin in high school and Spanish at university.

I want to study at the *** not only because of your outstanding reputation and excellent facilities, but largely because of the wide ranging curriculum with great opportunities for specialization. Another reason is the fact that the program will be given completely in English. All these positives allow me to deepen and develop my theoretical knowledge, so that in future working situation I can benefit from it.

All in all I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program, so that I will fulfill your expectations, because of my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the gained work experiences.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

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