Letter of motivation, Erasmus, bitte probelesen

Hallo.. ich möchte mich über Erasmus bei 2 Unis bewerben. mir wurde gesagt ich solle einfach ehrlich schreiben warum ich dahin will und so... hab mich einfach mal versucht und das ist dabei raus gekommen.
Wäre super, wenn ihr das einmal überfliegen könntet und mir sagen könnt welche Letter of Motivation Fauxpässe ich alle gemacht habe und was sich noch an Grammatik/Rechtschreib/Ausdruckfehlern so verbirgt.

vielen Dank, mfg euer XXX

letter>>>>

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about me and my hitherto study track.
My name is XXX and I was born in Germany on XXX.
I visited the "XXXschule" for thirteen years, while in my German eleventh grade I spent a year in the United States of America and finished twelfth Grade. In 2007 I finished school with a X.X Abitur grade average. Later that year I started university at the XXXUni. My field of study is Information Systems. During my studies I attended various management games and took optional English courses at the language centre of our university. I am also engaged in the student council and am since 2008 CEO of the XXXGmbH as I organize an annual music festival with over 3.000 visitors.
The reason why I want to study at your University in Madrid for one semester is that I am very curious about the way the same topics are being taught and studied in another country. I am very interested in the Spanish culture, and would like to learn a completely new language. But mostly I want to spend some time at another place, see how things are different there (in life and at the university), meet new people and experience being on my own and have a fresh start. I remember how excited I was when I first started university here in Germany. I just want to experience that one more time. Because the way I see it, I will never have the chance to do something like that in my life ever again. There will never be a time, when just leaving everything behind for half a year will fit in. So I really want to take this opportunity and make the most of it!
I would love to go to Madrid, which is said to be the cultural centre of Spain with its various museums and architecturally significant structures and monuments. Also taking the classes in Spanish are an appealing challenge and in my opinion the best and most efficient way to learn a language is simply having to speak it.
My main objectives from studying abroad for a semester is learning to speak Spanish fluently and getting to know new people and a completely new culture. If I would be accepted at Your University I would definitely take studying seriously but due to strict learning agreements I would not be able to accredit any courses in Germany. However that gives me the chance to take Information Systems courses that are not offered in Germany and thus I see a chance to broaden my academic horizon.
In general you could say that I am really looking forward to the different study system. As I have been told your studies are more related to practice and that is something I find lacking in Germany. I hope that my studies in Madrid will help me see a different angle on what I will be doing later in my work.
I just want to say, that I really hope that everything works out fine and that this is really going to happen.
Thank you for your time,
Sincerely,

XXX