Letter of Motivation - Correction please

Hi everybody! May someone please correct my grammar, punctuation, vocabulary,wording... in my letter of motivation? I'm sorry that it is that long, but if someone had the time it would really helps me a lot...

Dear Sir or Madam,

As I already wrote to [NAME], I really would like to apply for a visiting research placement in the [DEPARTEMENT] at the [UNIVERSITY].

In [YEAR] I met an uncle of a friend of mine who is living in [NAME OF CITY] for nearly 20 years now. He told me a lot about his life in New Zealand and showed us pictures of the landscape. Since then I was fascinated by this beautiful country. It would be great to come to you and learn more about the country and the culture of the “Kiwis” and combine this with gaining more experiences in the field of [SUBJECT].

During my studies I had not the time to go abroad for a longer time, because there is no Bachelor/Master-system in Germany for pharmacy but “Staatsexamen” (State examinations). You would miss a lot of lectures and practical courses when you are away and you would have to redo the whole semester. Therefor I decided to go abroad during my “Practical Year” which has a lot of advantages.

The first one is that I will not “loose” time. I have to do two 6-month-internships after finishing my university education. One of them I can also do outside of Germany. So, why don’t combine both, the necessary with the nice?

The second argument is that I will be able to improve my English language skills during a longer stay in an English speaking country as New Zealand. I had English lessons in school for 8 years but I still have to learn a lot. Because of that I already took some more English courses at my University but when I was in [ENGLISH COUNTRY] for 4 weeks in last year I noticed that practicing with native speakers and having the language all around you is way more effective.

But the third – and most important – reason why I want to do this research placement is that it will help me a lot in developing my personality and my technical skills for my future career’s plans and my life.

I am an open minded, highly motivated, ambitious and determined person, but I never have been to a foreign country for a longer time so I also never got the chance to get to know another culture. During the 4 weeks in [COUNTRY] I met a lot of people from all over the world and it was so interesting to talk with them about their home countries and their way of life. But just a month is not enough time to really get into it. I hope 6 month will show me a bit more from the people on the other side of the world.

As I told you, I am very ambitious. I already have planned a bit of my future career.
During all our practical courses we had to take at the University I especially got into [SUBJECTS].

In [YEAR] [1. PROFESSOR'S NAME] gave me the opportunity to work in his group where I worked with one of his PhD students and gained some experiences in the early stages of drug discovery (I synthesized some small molecules, purified and analysed them). This increased my interests in [SUBJECT].

To gain more experiences in this field I did the 4-week internship in [ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY] at the [UNIVERSITY], where I worked in the group of [2. PROFESSOR'S NAME] and had my own small project about [PROJECT].

I do not want to stay in a pharmacy in Germany, when I am done with my practical year. I see myself at a University or a company in the Research and Development.

Therefor I will do a diploma thesis (nearly equivalent to master’s thesis; optional) when I stay at the [UNIVERSITY I AM APLLYING FOR]. So I will see how it is to work on a project all on my own for a longer time. I hope this will show me that I am on the right way so that I can hopefully start a PhD after the practical year.

I already talked to [1. PROFESSOR'S NAME] and he would be the first supervisor of my diploma thesis. He agreed to accept experiments that are conducted at an external laboratory together with the successive results for this thesis at my home university.

I would be delighted if I you gave me the opportunity to come to the [UNIVERSITY] for this 6 – month research placement.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,
[MY NAME]