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Anonymous Posted 17 years ago
Letter Writing

Letter of motivation ... any suggestions?

Hello there!

I have to write a letter of motivation. Here's my result. It would be very kind, if someone could look over and give me some hints or something like that:

Dear Sir or Madam:



Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.



Neither of my siblings had the ability to go to university. All the more I was very proud being the first one in my family, who was able to study at a university. Therefore I have been consistently applying my best efforts toward my studies.



Since I was a child, I always wanted to be an “inventor”, so I did all my best to achieve that goal. The reason why I started to study computer systems engineering is because it comes - in my opinion - as close as possible to the definition of an inventor.



At the beginning of my studies I had the intention to make a semester abroad. The destination was quite clear: .

As for me the reason why I chose this country is a very simple one:

I started training karate at the age of eight years. With time I began to feel interest not only for karate, but also for other things from like the culture and the way the Japanese live.

With the age of 19 I started to learn the Japanese language for myself. Later at the university, I attended three language courses and occupied myself more and more with the Japanese way of life.



But unfortunately my wish to organize such a semester and the desire to finish my studies as quickly as possible came into conflict. So I decided to graduate first and then make my wish come true not as a student at a university but as an intern at a company.



During my studies I have learnt much about the basics of computer science, physics and electrical engineering. I enjoy thinking about new ways to solve problems. At the university I also have met many people from different countries. I enjoyed this, because I like to communicate with as many different people as possible.



According to our study regulations we have to make an internship at a company for at least three months. I began my mandatory internship at ... in September 2008 and will finish in the end of February 2009.

My job is to evaluate the possibility of integrating a microcontroller in an accelerometer.

Some days ago I had a conversation with my supervisor and he told me about the possibility to make an internship at Bosch in after my graduation.

I would like to strength your team with my knowledge I acquired at the university and at ... and I want to seize my chance and finally make my wish come true.



Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to your positive response.



Yours faithfully
  

Top answer

Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary. Hope to have helped you. Dear Sir or Madam: Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.

  • Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary.
  • Hope to have helped you.
  • Dear Sir or Madam: Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
  • Neither of my siblings had the opportunity to go to university.
  • Because of that I was very proud being the first one in my family who was able to study at a university.
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2 Answers
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Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary. Hope to have helped you.

Dear Sir or Madam:



Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.



Neither of my siblings had the opportunity to go to university. Because of that I was v
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Hi,
Here's an overall comment on the structure of your letter.

It consists of 14 tiny paragraphs, some of which only include one sentence. Thisis not a natural style of writing in English. You need to try to combine your paragraphs, so that you end up with a lot fewer. This will make it easier for the reader to see how you have organized your thoughts on this matter.

Best wi

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