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Anonymous Posted 17 years ago
Letter Writing
Letter of motivation ... any suggestions?
Hello there!
I have to write a letter of motivation. Here's my result. It would be very kind, if someone could look over and give me some hints or something like that:
Dear Sir or Madam:
Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
Neither of my siblings had the ability to go to university. All the more I was very proud being the first one in my family, who was able to study at a university. Therefore I have been consistently applying my best efforts toward my studies.
Since I was a child, I always wanted to be an “inventor”, so I did all my best to achieve that goal. The reason why I started to study computer systems engineering is because it comes - in my opinion - as close as possible to the definition of an inventor.
At the beginning of my studies I had the intention to make a semester abroad. The destination was quite clear: .
As for me the reason why I chose this country is a very simple one:
I started training karate at the age of eight years. With time I began to feel interest not only for karate, but also for other things from like the culture and the way the Japanese live.
With the age of 19 I started to learn the Japanese language for myself. Later at the university, I attended three language courses and occupied myself more and more with the Japanese way of life.
But unfortunately my wish to organize such a semester and the desire to finish my studies as quickly as possible came into conflict. So I decided to graduate first and then make my wish come true not as a student at a university but as an intern at a company.
During my studies I have learnt much about the basics of computer science, physics and electrical engineering. I enjoy thinking about new ways to solve problems. At the university I also have met many people from different countries. I enjoyed this, because I like to communicate with as many different people as possible.
According to our study regulations we have to make an internship at a company for at least three months. I began my mandatory internship at ... in September 2008 and will finish in the end of February 2009.
My job is to evaluate the possibility of integrating a microcontroller in an accelerometer.
Some days ago I had a conversation with my supervisor and he told me about the possibility to make an internship at Bosch in after my graduation.
I would like to strength your team with my knowledge I acquired at the university and at ... and I want to seize my chance and finally make my wish come true.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully
I have to write a letter of motivation. Here's my result. It would be very kind, if someone could look over and give me some hints or something like that:
Dear Sir or Madam:
Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
Neither of my siblings had the ability to go to university. All the more I was very proud being the first one in my family, who was able to study at a university. Therefore I have been consistently applying my best efforts toward my studies.
Since I was a child, I always wanted to be an “inventor”, so I did all my best to achieve that goal. The reason why I started to study computer systems engineering is because it comes - in my opinion - as close as possible to the definition of an inventor.
At the beginning of my studies I had the intention to make a semester abroad. The destination was quite clear: .
As for me the reason why I chose this country is a very simple one:
I started training karate at the age of eight years. With time I began to feel interest not only for karate, but also for other things from like the culture and the way the Japanese live.
With the age of 19 I started to learn the Japanese language for myself. Later at the university, I attended three language courses and occupied myself more and more with the Japanese way of life.
But unfortunately my wish to organize such a semester and the desire to finish my studies as quickly as possible came into conflict. So I decided to graduate first and then make my wish come true not as a student at a university but as an intern at a company.
During my studies I have learnt much about the basics of computer science, physics and electrical engineering. I enjoy thinking about new ways to solve problems. At the university I also have met many people from different countries. I enjoyed this, because I like to communicate with as many different people as possible.
According to our study regulations we have to make an internship at a company for at least three months. I began my mandatory internship at ... in September 2008 and will finish in the end of February 2009.
My job is to evaluate the possibility of integrating a microcontroller in an accelerometer.
Some days ago I had a conversation with my supervisor and he told me about the possibility to make an internship at Bosch in after my graduation.
I would like to strength your team with my knowledge I acquired at the university and at ... and I want to seize my chance and finally make my wish come true.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully
Top answer
Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary. Hope to have helped you. Dear Sir or Madam: Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
- Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary.
- Hope to have helped you.
- Dear Sir or Madam: Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
- Neither of my siblings had the opportunity to go to university.
- Because of that I was very proud being the first one in my family who was able to study at a university.
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2 Answers
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Here it goes, all the corrections I thought that were necessary. Hope to have helped you.
Dear Sir or Madam:
Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
Neither of my siblings had the opportunity to go to university. Because of that I was v
Dear Sir or Madam:
Having completed my pre-diploma in computer systems engineering and finally graduating following semester, I am eager to apply as an intern at your company.
Neither of my siblings had the opportunity to go to university. Because of that I was v
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Hi,
Here's an overall comment on the structure of your letter.
It consists of 14 tiny paragraphs, some of which only include one sentence. Thisis not a natural style of writing in English. You need to try to combine your paragraphs, so that you end up with a lot fewer. This will make it easier for the reader to see how you have organized your thoughts on this matter.
Best wi
Here's an overall comment on the structure of your letter.
It consists of 14 tiny paragraphs, some of which only include one sentence. Thisis not a natural style of writing in English. You need to try to combine your paragraphs, so that you end up with a lot fewer. This will make it easier for the reader to see how you have organized your thoughts on this matter.
Best wi
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