Letter of motivation

Question

­­I am practising writing a motivation letter so I hope that you can help me check it and give me your feedback that is really useful for me to improve my English skills. Thank you for your help.Dear Sir/Madam,My name is Hung, and I am writing to express my interest in the A at B University.I graduated from Ngo Quyen High School in 2005 and Hanoi Architectural University in 2010 and I have been working as an architect. But for me, knowledge is never enough. Therefore, I developed a keen interest in the chance to broaden my horizons by studying abroad over my working period and I found this very intriguing and exciting. Furthermore, I would love to challenge myself in a new field that is more challenging and, of course, more interesting. Recently, I am pursuing to apply for a Bachelor's degree in International Economics at B University in American, and I believe that there is no better place to continue my educational path than in American. I consider it a vibrant experience to gain more knowledge and also get the opportunity to meet students from all over the world, learn about their culture and values. Sadly, my current English proficiency is not enough to meet one of the requirements of the University.However, it has come to my knowledge that there is a course that could help me pursue my goals, which is the Pathway Semester English that B University is offering would be a perfect fit for me. In fact, studying the Pathway programme plays an important role that brings me a step closer to my goal of becoming a well-rounded person in the future because it helps me improve my English skills not only to meet University’s needs but also a great way for me to be able to communicate with people around while studying abroad. Furthermore, I believe that I am a very diligent and highly motivated student. Therefore, if I am given a chance, I would do my best to complete the course with flying colors to accomplish my goal as I am confident that I am capable of meeting and even exceeding your expectations.Thank you so much for your consideration and I look forward to your approval.Yours sincerely,ABC

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Dear Sir/Madam,

~~My name is Hung, and~~ (They know who you are. The cover letter is part of a package of materials such as the application form and your school transcripts. The motivation letter is your opportunity to express information that is not in the other information.) I am writing to express my interest in the A at B University. (In what field of study? a Masters, PhD or postdoc?)

I graduated from Ngo Quyen High School in 2005 and Hanoi Architectural University in 2010 and since then, I have been working as an architect. But for me, knowledge is never enough. Therefore, I developed a keen interest in ~~the chance to broaden my horizons by~~ studying abroad over my working period and I found this very intriguing and exciting. (Have you already studied in another country?) Furthermore, I would love to challenge myself in a new field that is more challenging (Why? More challenging than Architecture? That is one of the most challenging of disciplines.) and, of course, more interesting. Recently, I am pursuing to apply (That does not make sense. You are either applying for entrance to a university or pursuing a degree there.) for a Bachelor's degree in International Economics at B University in American, (That does not make sense.) and I believe that there is no better place to continue my educational path than in American. (American is a person or an adjective.) I consider it a vibrant experience to gain more knowledge and also get the opportunity to meet students from all over the world, learn about their culture and values. (Every candidate will have this idea. .) Sadly, my current English proficiency is not enough to meet ~~one of~~ the requirements of the University.

However, it has come to my knowledge (wrong word) that there is a course that could help me pursue my goals, (You have never mention your goals - study abroad is not an end goal.) which is the Pathway Semester English that B University is offering would be a perfect fit for me. In fact, studying the Pathway programme plays an important role that brings me a step closer to my goal of becoming a well-rounded person (??? What is a well-rounded person? Why is that a goal of yours?) in the future because it helps me improve my English skills not only to meet ~~University’s~~ the university entrance requirements ~~needs~~ but also a great way for me to be able to communicate with people around while studying abroad. Furthermore, ~~I believe that~~ I am a very diligent and highly motivated student. (Every applicant's motivation letter will state this. How can you prove it? Where is the evidence?) Therefore, if I am given a chance, I would do my best to complete the course with flying colors to accomplish my goal as I am confident that I am capable of meeting and even exceeding your expectations.

Thank you so much for your consideration and I look forward to your approval.

Yours sincerely,

Hung

Your letter is not good.

It will not stand out from any of the other applicants. Every one will have more or less the same arguments - I want to study abroad. I want to expand my horizons. I want to meet people from other cultures. I want to challenge myself, etc. etc. etc. These arguments are mundane and pedestrian. These applicants write things that are completely self-centered, and after a reading hundreds of such letters, the selection committee members will just skim this one and put it in the reject bin.

You did not give any compelling reasons why they should select you over all the other candidates. You did not give anything about your current job, what motivates you, and what your career goals are. You did not say why you are abandoning a very interesting and tough field, Architecture, for Economics. What has motivated this decision? Why don't you want to get a higher degree in your current field? You need to give proof and evidence for your claims - the stronger the better.

I am pretty confident that if you send this letter, you will get a form letter response saying "Thank you for your interest in University ABC. Take English classes in your own country and study very hard so you can meet our English language requirements. Then we will consider your qualifications for entry into the program."

Note: the "pathway" types of programs are extremely competitive.

Letter of motivation

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions