Letter of motivation

Question

Hey there!! I'm appalying for a bachelor programme in germany. english is not my native language and i had a lot of problems to write the letter of motivation..it wouzld be nice if somebody could give me some advise :

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for your ‘International Business Management (B.Sc.)’ study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context considering economic interrelations and interdependence. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance fields.
I graduated last year with my mayor in English and German. My preference for the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual degree. I always had a general interest in economic within an international context. That’s probably due to my early beginning international career in the fashion industry. Since I got scouted at the age of 16 I’m working with international clients, travelling the whole world from Europe, North America to Asia. Working in such a rapidly changing business I was able to gather experiences, getting insights of a globalized industry which caused my interest in interrelations and economic dynamics.
While working abroad I perceived that I’m striving for a career in economics with an international context. The HWR gives young people the opportunity to study in an intercultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to strengthen a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The procured excellent knowledge of the business administration fundamentals, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and abroad and the specialisations will provide you with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Especially the time I spent abroad was a good guidance to specify my interests and gain new experiences. That’s the reason why I was looking for a study programme that combines economic fields with an international context, while giving me space to find my distinct way. The study programme ‘International Business Management’ will fit best because its well-balanced combination of business administration content and international and intercultural aspects will provide you with an excellent education and versatile career options.
Even if the numbers of students getting accepted is limited, I’m confident that my motivation and strive for economics as well as my personal experiences will only contribute a dedicated part to this study programme. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.
Sincerely yours,

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Hello, ~~y there!!~~ I'm applying for a bachelor's programme in Germany, but English is not my native language and I had a lot of problems to writing this letter of motivation. It would be nice if somebody could give me some advice.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for your International Business Management B.Sc. study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. ~~considering economic interrelations and interdependence.~~ I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance. ~~fields.~~

I graduated last year with my a major in English and German. My ~~preference for~~ interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. ~~degree.~~ I always had a general interest in the study of economics and particularly in ~~within an~~ international economics. ~~context.~~ That interest started ~~’s probably due to my early beginning international career~~ when I got a job in the fashion industry ~~. Since I got scouted~~ at the age of 16. ~~I’m~~ I've since been working with international clients, travelling ~~the whole~~ all over the world, ~~from~~ especially in Europe, North America to and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, ~~rapidly changing business~~ I was able to ~~gather~~ gain experience and get ~~ting~~ valuable insights of into a global ~~ized~~ industry. ~~which caused my interest in interrelations and economic dynamics.~~

While working abroad, I ~~perceived that I’m striving for~~ decided to pursue a career in international economics. ~~with an international context.~~ The HWR gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural ~~an intercultural~~ and international environment due to its mixed learning groups, and the possibility to ~~strengthen~~ learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The ~~procured~~ excellent reputation of your institution, ~~knowledge of the business administration fundamentals,~~ the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin ~~and abroad~~ and the programme specialisations will provide ~~you~~ me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.

Especially the time I spent abroad was a good guidance to specify my interests and gain new experiences. That’s the reason why I was looking for a study programme that combines economic fields with an international context, while giving me space to find my distinct way. The study programme ‘International Business Management’ will fit best because its well-balanced combination of business administration content and international and intercultural aspects will provide you with an excellent education and versatile career options.

~~Even if the numbers of students getting accepted is limited,~~ Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my ~~motivation~~ determination and ~~strive for~~ genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal ~~experiences~~ qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course. ~~will only contribute a dedicated part to this study programme.~~

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply. ~~acceptance.~~

Sincerely yours,

MariusEr · Answer

Thank you teechr!! Here's my edited version.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for your International Business Management (B.Sc.) study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance.
I graduated last year with a major in English and German. My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I always had a general interest in the study of economics and particularly in international business as a result of my early beginning international career in the fashion industry. At the age of 16 I’ve since been working with international clients all over the world, especially in Europe, North America and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, I was able to gain experience and get valuable insights into a global industry.
While working abroad, I decided to pursue a career in international economics. The BSEL Berlin gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The excellent reputation of your institution, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and the programme specialisations will provide me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my determination and genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,

MariusEr · Answer

Thank you teechr!! Here's my editred version.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for your International Business Management (B.Sc.) study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance.
I graduated last year with a major in English and German. My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I always had a general interest in the study of economics and particularly in international business as a result of my early beginning international career in the fashion industry. At the age of 16 I’ve since been working with international clients all over the world, especially in Europe, North America and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, I was able to gain experience and get valuable insights into a global industry.
While working abroad, I decided to pursue a career in international economics. The BSEL Berlin gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The excellent reputation of your institution, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and the programme specialisations will provide me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my determination and genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I am applying for your International Business Management (B.Sc.) study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance.
I graduated last year with a major in English and German. My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I have always had a general interest in the study of economics and particularly in international business as a result of my early beginning international career (awkward. You have packed a lot into one sentence. Split into 2 sentences. ) in the fashion industry. Since the age of 16 I’ve ~~since~~ been working with international clients all over the world, especially in Europe, North America and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, I was able to gain experience and get valuable insights into a global industry.
While working abroad (You have made a logical leap here.) , I decided to pursue a career in international economics. The BSEL Berlin gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The excellent reputation of your institution, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and the programme specialisations will provide me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my determination and genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,

MariusEr · Answer

Thanks Alphecca Stars but I'm not quiet sure what you mean with logical leap..

____________________________________________________

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for your International Business Management (B.Sc.) study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance.
I graduated last year with a major in English and German. My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I have always had a general interest in the study of economics and particularly in international business. That interest started when I got a job in the fashion industry. Since the age of 16 I’ve been working with international clients all over the world, especially in Europe, North America and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, I was able to gain experience and get valuable insights into a global industry.
While working abroad, I decided to pursue a career in international economics. The BSEL Berlin gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The excellent reputation of your institution, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and the programme specialisations will provide me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my determination and genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,

MariusEr · Answer

Alphecca Stars do you mean I should write something like "while working in the fashion industry,..."??

AlpheccaStars · Answer

A suggestion:
My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I have always had a general interest in the study of economics. That extended to international business as I developed a career in the fashion industry.

MariusEr · Answer

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for your International Business Management (B.Sc.) study programme starting in April 2017. My ambition is to gain professional knowledge about business in an international context. I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in marketing or finance.
I graduated last year with a major in English and German. My interest in the English language started early in grade 5 when I decided to pursue a bilingual education. I have always had a general interest in the study of economics. That extended to international business as I developed a career in the fashion industry. Since the age of 16 I’ve been working with international clients all over the world, especially in Europe, North America and Asia. Working in such a dynamic industry, I was able to gain experience and get valuable insights into a global industry.
While working in the fashion industry, I decided to pursue a career in international economics. The BSEL Berlin gives young people the opportunity to study in a multicultural and international environment due to its mixed learning groups and the possibility to learn a second foreign language besides studying completely in English. The excellent reputation of your institution, the opportunity to build up international relations while studying in Berlin and the programme specialisations will provide me with versatile career options, which is why I decided to apply for this study programme.
Although the competition for a place in this programme is high, I’m confident that my determination and genuine interest in international economics as well as my personal qualities make me a suitable candidate for the course.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Marius ErlerThanks Alphecca Stars but I'm not quiet sure what you mean with logical leap..

Working with international clients does not mean that you were located outside your native country. For example, many Indian nationals in Bangalore work the help desks and deal with Americans and Europeans all day. Yet they have never traveled outside of India. Working locally in a global network is far more common than "working abroad."

MariusEr · Answer

Ok I understand this but i want to say that i worked abroad or that i gained my experience while working abroad

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