Letter of motivation

Question

HI..PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT..IF THERE ARE ANY GRAMATICAL MISTAKE,PLEASE HELP ME TO CORRECT IT.please help me to make it better.This is very importantfor me as this is my motivational letter for entrance exam.

Thanking you

maliha

My interest in tourism blossomed during the early years of my life. From my High school life I had a great passion for tourism. Since then , I had a dream of pursuing my education in tourism in order to become an expert in this field. Starting Bachelor Degree in Tourism will be an essential step for me towards achieving my goal.

I consider myself a diligent student and voracious reader too. I love to read travel magazines and journals.I have a good academic record as well. My average grade is A in both in school and college, which is quite good. I was an active student during my school and college life. I used to take part in social and cultural event. And, most of the picnic and outing of my college was planned and managed by me.

After my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different place,how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries. All in all, my responsibility was make a enjoyable and memorable tour for the visitors.I reckon I was quite successful in my job, because most of the visitors appreciated me and my work as a guide. Also working in such a beautiful place, does not felt like I was working, it felt like I was in my summer holiday too! And, the best part was I was able to meet so many different people as I always love to communicate with people.

I believe, open- mindedness, self-motivation, team-spirit, a positive and encouraging personality, a readiness to communicate with others and confidence are the main traits a tourism student should have. And, I have all these qualities by which I can be the leading one in the field of tourism. My attitude for choosing career is ‘Find some thing you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life. This is the main reason why I choose tourism,I love to explore the beauty of the nature as well as love to meet new people.

Tourism is an important trend nowadays for any country as concerns its image, economy and culture. Many developing country of today’s world can be benefited by tourism. Tourism creates loads of job opportunities, so the number of unemployed people can be reduced by enhancing tourism industry in developing countries. Tourism is a major export for 83% of all developing

countries, and the primary export for one third of

them.As I am from a developing country, a degree in tourism can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

Education in Finland offers the benefits of a modern university system which has an international reputation for high quality studies. Furthermore , Finnish institutions do not charge any tuition fee for international students, which is a great relief for a student from developing country like me.

I believe Laurea UAS is the best place to achieve my career objectives. The degree programme is very attractive and professionally oriented. In addition, Laurea uses a competence-based core curriculum, which includes study units and working life projects which are executed according to Laurea’s learning model, Learning by Developing (LbD). Furthermore, Laurea provides its graduates with better opportunities for employment than any other Finnish university of applied sciences (AMKOTA 2006).

While pursuing my study in Laurea UAS I can get the opportunity to get connected with people from different field of tourism, enhance experiences and share information. A degree from Laurea can truly help me to achieve my future goal of becoming an expert in the field of tourism.

A degree from Laurea can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Hi,

Your letter is a bit chaotic. This is an early draft?

You need to review and organize it a bit better.

Moreover, you grammar needs a bit of work. Use MS Word grammar checker feature to help spot some trouble areas:

After my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different place,how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries.

After my Secondary School examination, I worked in a resort as a tour guide. While working there, I learned how to communicate with different peopoe from different places, how to fulfill their needs, and answer their questions.

Your letter shows a lot of enthusiams and passion. You just need some quiet time to organize and restructure it a bit better.

Here's my standard response:

Please ensure that you have spaces between your paragraphs. Otherwise it is too hard to read. My guess is that you pasted your letter into the text box. After you pasted your letter, the spaces were removed. To solve this issue, please do the following:

1) When you begin a new post, type "blah" into an open text box.

2) Then paste your letter.

3) Go back and delete "blah."

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

MALIHA · Answer

Thank you so much MountainHiker!Your advice helped me a lot.I have worked on my letter.I have included some more information and tried to organize it.Can you please check this out again?My exam in on 12th april and i have to write it down in exam.Your help will be much appreciated.

My interest in tourism blossomed during the early years of my life. From my High school life I had a great passion for tourism. Since then, I had a dream of pursuing my education in tourism in order to become an expert in this field. Starting Bachelor Degree in Tourism will be an essential step for me towards achieving my goal.

I consider myself a diligent student and voracious reader too. I love to read travel magazines and journals.

I have a good academic record as well. My average grade is A in both in school and college, which is quite good. I was an active student during my school and college life. I used to take part in social and cultural event. And, most of the picnic and outing of my college was planned and organized by me. Also, I had to deal with many problems which occur during the event. Such as, once a team of my college was going to a study tour and all of a sudden the tyre of our bus been damaged middle of the road. As a team leader I had to sort out the situation and I did it.

Firstly, I calm down my team members by describing them the whole situation. Then I arranged a bus from a nearby town .In the mean time, my team mates were getting anxious and bored. So, I cheered them up by involving them in a funny discussion. After all these difficulties, the tour ended up as an enjoyable tour. My team member appreciates me a lot for sorting out everything so nicely.

I believe open- mindedness, self-motivation, team-spirit, a positive and encouraging personality, a readiness to communicate with others and confidence is the main traits a tourism student should have. And, I have all these qualities by which I can be the leading one in the field of tourism. My attitude for choosing career is ‘Find some thing you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life’. I feel I have chosen the right career for myself.

Moreover, after my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different places, how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries. All in all, my responsibility was making an enjoyable and memorable tour for the visitors. I reckon I was quite successful in my job, because most of the visitors appreciated me and my work as a guide. Also working in such a beautiful place, does not felt like I was working, it felt like I was in my summer holiday too! And, the best part was I was able to meet so many different people as I always love to communicate with people.

Tourism is an important trend nowadays for any country as concerns its image,

Economy and culture. Many developing country of today’s world can be benefited by tourism. Tourism creates loads of job opportunities, so the number of unemployed people can be reduced by enhancing tourism industry in developing countries. Tourism is a major export for 83% of all developing

Countries, and the primary export for one third of them.

As I am from a developing country, a degree in tourism can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

Education in Finland offers the benefits of a modern university system which has an international reputation for high quality studies. Furthermore, Finnish institutions do not charge any tuition fee for international students, which is a great relief for a student from developing country like me.

I believe Laurea UAS is the best place to achieve my career objectives. The degree programme is very attractive and professionally oriented. In addition, Laurea uses a competence-based core curriculum, which includes study units and working life projects which are executed according to Laurea’s learning model, learning by Developing (LbD). Furthermore, Laurea provides its graduates with better opportunities for employment than any other Finnish university of applied sciences (AMKOTA 2006).

While pursuing my study in Laurea UAS I can get the opportunity to get connected with people from different field of tourism, enhance experiences and share information. A degree from Laurea can truly help me to achieve my future goal of becoming an expert in the field of tourism.

A degree from Laurea can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

MountainHiker · Answer

You need to follow my earlier directions about pasting and stuff...

Before your next paragraph, you need to say why you are writing. What's the purpose?

My interest in tourism blossomed during the early years of my life. From my High school life I had a great passion for tourism. Since then, I had a dream of pursuing my education in tourism in order to become an expert in this field. Starting Bachelor Degree in Tourism will be an essential step for me towards achieving my goal.

Dreams and sand castles-in-the-air are nice. But what have you done toward your dreams?

I consider myself a diligent student and voracious reader too. I love to read travel magazines and journals.

Vague. You offer no proof to support any of your assertions. Did you get good marks? What do you read? Why do you read? What do you do with your new knowledge? Simply telling me that you are smart, personable and good-looking is wasted effort. Show me.

I have a good academic record as well. My average grade is A in both in school and college, which is quite good. I was an active student during my school and college life. I used to take part in social and cultural event. And, most of the picnic and outing of my college was planned and organized by me. Also, I had to deal with many problems which occur during the event. Such as, once a team of my college was going to a study tour and all of a sudden the tyre of our bus been damaged middle of the road. As a team leader I had to sort out the situation and I did it.

Why do you discuss your "good student" and average grade A in two different paragraphs? They go together, no? Let's fix up your prior paragraph. As much as possible, try to write with an active voice.

I have a strong academic history with an A average in school and college. Complementing my academic are my social activities. I took part in social and cultural events such as *** and YYYY. And, I planned and organized most of my college picnicS and social outingS. Moreover, Also, I dealt with the inevitable problems that arose.

See how the paragraph is more structured and organized?

[Such as, once a team of my college was going to a study tour and all of a sudden the tyre of our bus been damaged middle of the road. As a team leader I had to sort out the situation and I did it.]

No idea what that means.

Firstly, I calm down my team members by describing them the whole situation. Then I arranged a bus from a nearby town .In the mean time, my team mates were getting anxious and bored. So, I cheered them up by involving them in a funny discussion. After all these difficulties, the tour ended up as an enjoyable tour. My team member appreciates me a lot for sorting out everything so nicely.

Too much detail. These two events seem to be in different paragraphs again. They should be in one paragraph, no? In any event, the purpose of this letter to ~briefly~ highlight your attributes, successes, key strengths, and other positives. You don't want to go into story telling mode.

I believe open- mindedness, self-motivation, team-spirit, a positive and encouraging personality, a readiness to communicate with others and confidence is the main traits a tourism student should have. And, I have all these qualities by which I can be the leading one in the field of tourism. My attitude for choosing career is ‘Find some thing you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life’. I feel I have chosen the right career for myself.

They are no so concerned in your beliefs. Instead, they are interested in how you handle and conduct yourself. Tell them of your open-mindedness, team spirit, positive and encouraging personality blah blah blah. Show me examples where you demonstrate these traits.

Moreover, after my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different places, how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries. All in all, my responsibility was making an enjoyable and memorable tour for the visitors. I reckon I was quite successful in my job, because most of the visitors appreciated me and my work as a guide. Also working in such a beautiful place, does not felt like I was working, it felt like I was in my summer holiday too! And, the best part was I was able to meet so many different people as I always love to communicate with people.

You mention school a while ago. You talked about open mindedness and other karma stuff. And now we are back to school again. You are making it difficult for me to follow your letter. It is disorganized. In your paragraph above, it is vague. I don't know where you were a tour guide. I have no idea what you did as a tour guide. Were your groups large or small? Old or young? How did they appreciate you? I am not sure what the key purpose of your prior paragraph.

Tourism is an important trend nowadays for any country as concerns its image,

Economy and culture. Many developing countries of today’s world can be benefited by tourism. Tourism creates loads of job opportunities, so the number of unemployed people can be reduced by enhancing tourism industry in developing countries. Tourism is a major export for 83% of all developing Countries, and the primary export for one third of them.

The paragraph above is weak. Stay away from street talk of "loads of". What does "loads of" mean? Why not write something like...

For developing countries, tourism provides an opportunity to host those from richer and more developed countries. More affluent tourists provide jobs and opportunities for many of the locals. While the pay is often low, it does provide a source of income for many students. Moreover, those interacting with tourists learn about faraway lands far beyond their borders. Most importantly, tourism helps build cultural bridges between societies and peoples.

Something like that. I wrote that quickly without thinking. So what I wrote might be wrong or inaccurate.

As I am from a developing country, a degree in tourism can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

Try to make it a bit stronger, more personal.

Education in Finland offers the benefits of a modern university system which has an international reputation for high quality studies. Furthermore, Finnish institutions do not charge any tuition fee for international students, which is a great relief for a student from developing country like me.

I believe Laurea UAS is the best place to achieve my career objectives. The degree programme is very attractive and professionally oriented. In addition, Laurea uses a competence-based core curriculum, which includes study units and working life projects which are executed according to Laurea’s learning model, learning by Developing (LbD). Furthermore, Laurea provides its graduates with better opportunities for employment than any other Finnish university of applied sciences (AMKOTA 2006).

While pursuing my study in Laurea UAS I can get the opportunity to get connected with people from different field of tourism, enhance experiences and share information. A degree from Laurea can truly help me to achieve my future goal of becoming an expert in the field of tourism.

A degree from Laurea can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

These last several paragraphs should be condensed into one paragraph. And although the fees might be a strong reason why you want to attend, I would find other reasons. It's almost as though that is THE reason why you are going. Instead, find some other positives.

You've got some more work.

MALIHA · Answer

I  will work on it and very soon i will post it here for your advice..thanks again for your time and patience.

MALIHA · Answer

Hi MountainHiker..Can you please review my letter again?It will be very helpful for me..please help me!!!!

My interest in tourism blossomed during the early years of my life. From my High school life I had a great passion for tourism. Since then, I had a dream of pursuing my education in tourism in order to become an expert in this field. Because ,I consider myself a diligent student and voracious reader too. I love to read travel magazines and journals to broaden my knowledge about tourism.I have a strong academic history with high average in school and college. I took part in social and cultural events such as ‘Bengali new year’ programme and college’s annual cultural function. And, I planned and organized most of my college picnics and social outings. Also, I dealt with the inevitable problems that arise during these events. Moreover, after my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different places, cultures and age groups, how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries. All in all, my responsibility was making an enjoyable and memorable tour for the visitors. I reckon I was quite successful in my job, because most of the visitors appreciated me and my work as a guide. Also working in such a beautiful place, does not felt like I was working. It felt like I was in my holiday too.

For developing countries, tourism provides an opportunity to host those from richer and more developed countries. Tourism creates job opportunities for many of the locals. While the pay is often low, it does provide a source of income for many students also. Most importantly, tourism helps build cultural bridges between societies and peoples. As I am from a developing country, a degree in tourism can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world. My country is a darling child of nature. In our country we have the longest sea beach of the world named ***’s bazaar, also there is another beautiful beach named ‘kuakata’. It has a wide sandy beach from where one can see both the sunrise and sunset. There are so many beautiful places which surely can be a tourist attraction.But unfortunately it has not been developed yet because tourism industry is not that strong in our country like other developed country, most probably because of lack of expertise in tourism industry. According to the World Tourism Organisation (WTO), the tourism industry accounts for 11% of total global employment. So that’s why I intend to gain expertise in tourism sector, so I can contribute a bit to improve the economical condition of our country, thus I will be able to serve my country and people .Starting Bachelor Degree in Tourism will be a concrete step for me towards achieving my goal.

According to ‘Newsweek’ is the world’s best living place. Furthermore, Education in offers the benefits of a modern university system which has an international reputation for high quality studies.I believe Laura UAS is the best place to achieve my career objectives. The degree programme is very attractive and professionally oriented. In addition, Laurea uses a competence-based core curriculum, which includes study units and working life projects which are executed according to Laurea’s learning model, learning by Developing (LbD). Furthermore, Laurea provides its graduates with better opportunities for employment than any other Finnish university of applied sciences.While pursuing my study in Laurea UAS I can get the opportunity to get connected with people from different field of tourism, enhance experiences and share information. A degree from Laurea can truly help me to achieve my future goal of becoming an expert in the field of tourism.A degree from Laurea can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

MountainHiker · Answer

When is your deadline?

I am going out for the evening, so I can only give some comments. You need to follow my prior advice. First, say why you are writing. And then organize your paragraphs into smaller portions.

The good news is that you have a strong command of English and you have the necessary ingredients for a good letter.

I would like to apply to your x programme starting in y date.

After having worked as a tour guide for z years, I want to (do something, become something). 2 or 3 sentences.

Start with your high school academic achievements and discuss any extracurricular activities that are helpful. 5 sentences max.

Next discuss your interest in tourism. 5 sentences max.

Next, discuss why Finland. 5 sentences max.

Then, thank you for reviewing your application.

Done.

My interest in tourism blossomed during the early years of my life. From my High school life I had a great passion for tourism. Since then, I had a dream of pursuing my education in tourism in order to become an expert in this field. ~~Because ,I consider myself a~~ diligent student and voracious reader too. I love to read travel magazines and journals to broaden my knowledge about tourism. I have a strong academic history with high average in school and college. I took part in social and cultural events such as ‘Bengali new year’ programme and college’s annual cultural function. And, I planned and organized most of my college picnics and social outings. Also, I dealt with the inevitable problems that arise during these events. Moreover, after my Secondary School Examination I worked in a resort as a tour guide, while working there I learned how to communicate with different people from different places, cultures and age groups, how to fulfil their needs, answer their queries. All in all, my responsibility was making an enjoyable and memorable tour for the visitors. I reckon I was quite successful in my job, because most of the visitors appreciated me and my work as a guide. Also working in such a beautiful place, does not felt like I was working. It felt like I was in my holiday too.

For developing countries, tourism provides an opportunity to host those from richer and more developed countries. Tourism creates job opportunities for many of the locals. While the pay is often low, it does provide a source of income for many students also. Most importantly, tourism helps build cultural bridges between societies and peoples. As I am from a developing country, a degree in tourism can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world. My country is a darling child of nature. In our country we have the longest sea beach of the world named ***’s bazaar, also there is another beautiful beach named ‘kuakata’. It has a wide sandy beach from where one can see both the sunrise and sunset. There are so many beautiful places which surely can be a tourist attraction.But unfortunately it has not been developed yet because tourism industry is not that strong in our country like other developed countriesy, most probably because of lack of expertise in tourism industry. According to the World Tourism Organisation (WTO), the tourism industry accounts for 11% of total global employment. So ~~that’s~~ that is why I intend to gain expertise in tourism sector, so I can contribute a bit to improve the economical condition of our country, thus I will be able to serve my country and people .Starting Bachelor Degree in Tourism will be a concrete step for me towards achieving my goal.

According to ‘Newsweek’ Finland is the world’s best living place. Furthermore, Education in Finland offers the benefits of a modern university system which has an international reputation for high quality studies.I believe Laura UAS is the best place to achieve my career objectives. The degree programme is very attractive and professionally oriented. In addition, Laurea uses a competence-based core curriculum, which includes study units and working life projects which are executed according to Laurea’s learning model, learning by Developing (LbD). Furthermore, Laurea provides its graduates with better opportunities for employment than any other Finnish university of applied sciences.While pursuing my study in Laurea UAS I can get the opportunity to get connected with people from different field of tourism, enhance experiences and share information. A degree from Laurea can truly help me to achieve my future goal of becoming an expert in the field of tourism.A degree from Laurea can offer me a lot which I can use towards the betterment of people of my country as well as the world.

MALIHA · Answer

thank you very much........

Letter of motivation

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