letter of motivaion#2

hello,i have written a letter of motivation and it has been proofread by a native speaker, i just want to know whether u think the content of this letter is ok or not? does it contain many personal info or is it ok?

Letter of Motivation

To Admissions Office,

I would like to take this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application towards entrance into the Masters in TEFL program at G///University, scheduled to start in September 2013.
I believe my academic background, combined with my work experience, is enough to fulfill your admission requirements. I look forward to completing a degree in Applied Linguistics (TEFL) because I know it will help me progress, both professionally and personally.
Having always been interested in foreign languages, when it was time to apply for undergraduate studies, it was clear that the Foreign languages Department would be my top choice. I chose English Translation as my main major to improve my [English] language proficiency.
In 2004, my friends and I established an NGO called Nasima in affiliation with the National Youth Organization. I was elected as the leader of the Literary Group. During our weekly gathering for university students, we studied many well-known American and English novels and short stories, and analyzed each book’s individual lessons. This experience helped towards engraving my interest in team work and research-based studies.

In 2006, I graduated from university with a BA of English Translation with a GPA of 3.25/4. According to the Iranian grading system my GPA is 16.27 (out of 20).
After graduation, I pursued a job in teaching English and attended numerous Teacher Training Courses and workshops. I will also be attending the Oxford Teacher’s Academy in November 2012.
Since 2008, I have been working as an English teacher in various Language Institutes in Iran.
I believe that learning English is a necessity for the people of my country; through learning English my people can communicate with the rest of the world, and can remain informed about international news. Learning an international language is what they need to awaken and to stand up for their rights in international organizations and communities. It would be my honor to help in this regard through my chosen career path.
I want to study Applied Linguistics (TEFL) in my post graduate studies and to teach English in the future. Learning another language gives us the chance to be introduced to another culture and will broaden our horizons and perspectives.
I have chosen G///, because it is one of the oldest universities in the Netherlands, and it is a member of the Excellence Group of the best universities in Europe. I look forward to interacting with students from around the world and the opportunity to study in a multi-cultural environment.
In conclusion, I would like to say I am eager for a new challenge and, in my opinion; this program is the best way to achieve that. I have no doubt that G/// University would be an excellent institution in which I can improve my teaching skills.

Sincerely yours