Letter Of Motication, corrections

Hey everybody!

Here is my letter of motivation..if someone could take a look at it and give me suggestions/make corrections i would be more than grateful! The letter isn´t finished yet so don´t wonder about the missing end!

Dear Sir or Madam,

my name is YYYY and I am 20 years old. Having graduated from school this year, I am now looking for new challenges in life. The course “International Business” at the International University of YYY would match my wishes for my future just perfect.

From may 2006 to may 2007 I travelled around Australia and Singapore as the winner of a competition from a local radio station. My trip was organized for the first four months, afterwards I was able to travel by myself. This trip not only gave me the chance to improve my English and to meet new people from all around the world but it also taught me what it means to be self-reliant. After the first four months I had to organize the trip by myself which meant (or should I use included?) booking flights, buses, hostels and tours, finding new jobs and handling my money in a responsible manner.

Furthermore the trip determined my wishes concerning my future work in a crucial way: first of all I want to make sure that the degree I seek to achieve gives my the opportunity to work abroad and secondly I am setting a high value on studying in English as I am keen to use my English in a daily manner. Finally I would like to mention that I hope that studying in YYY enables me to meet people from other countries. I consider myself as a very communicative and open-minded person – in my opinion meeting people, especially from other countries is a great way to broaden one´s horizon. To give an example, working on a camel farm with “true Australians” in YYY as part of the price I won from the radio station showed me that even the most uncommon and on first sight for the further life “useless” experiences are worth making as they provide knowledge which is in many ways unique and as they shape your character. That is why I approach things in a unprejudiced manner and I am always keen on learning.

In school I took politics and economy and English as my major fields of study. In both politics and economy and English I had good results in the final tests: I finished the former with 12 points and the latter with 10 points. My third written test was mathematics which I finished with 11 points.

For the reasons mentioned above I think that a degree in International Business would be an excellent pathway to the achievement of the goals I set in my life.

Thanks for ur help!