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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago
Grammar

Letter of Complaint--Expert Writers: please fix

(Ms X works at the universities complaints department).

Dear Ms X:

I am a business graduate of X university and undertook my work placement at Y.

I wish to express my disgust in the way Y exploited the coopeative education program by hiring me to receive unpaid labour without offering me either the possibility of a full time job after the internship or a reference. On more than one ocassion I pleaded with my fomer supervisor to be a verbal referee but each time she declined, saying she is rarely a referee for interns. Consequently, I was unable to find a job for six months, as each employer requested a reference from Y.

Having worked there unpaid without hearing any complaints about my work practices, I feel it is simply unfair they can't at the very least give me a verbal reference.

I strongly endorse the cooperative education program but feel the current relationship X has with Y needs to be fixed and monitored lest prospective interns are/be faced with the same bleak, underserved job search.

I must add I wish to be unnamed should Y be confronted about this.

I look foward to your reply.

Kind Regards,

X
  

Top answer

Some problem areas underlined: Dear Ms X: I am a business graduate of X university and undertook my work placement at Y. I wish to express my disgust in the way Y exploited the coopeative education program by hiring me to receive unpaid labour without offering ( Needs reorganization; the meaning is confused) me either the possibility of a full time job after the internship or a reference. On more than one ocassion I pleaded with my fomer supervisor to be a verbal referee but each time she declined, saying she is rarely a referee for interns.

  • Some problem areas underlined: Dear Ms X: I am a business graduate of X university and undertook my work placement at Y.
  • I wish to express my disgust in the way Y exploited the coopeative education program by hiring me to receive unpaid labour without offering ( Needs reorganization; the meaning is confused) me either the possibility of a full time job after the internship or a reference.
  • On more than one ocassion I pleaded with my fomer supervisor to be a verbal referee but each time she declined, saying she is rarely a referee for interns.
  • Consequently, I was unable to find a job for six months, as each employer requested a reference from Y.
  • Having worked there unpaid without hearing any complaints about my work practices, I feel it is simply unfair that they can't at the very least give me a verbal reference.
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6 Answers
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Some problem areas underlined:

Dear Ms X:

I am a business graduate of X university and undertook my work placement at Y.

I wish to express my disgust in the way Y exploited the coopeative education program by hiring me to receive unpaid labour without offering (Needs reorganization; the meaning is confused) me either the
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Thank you.

I was half expecting a re-write, but if that's all that's wrong with it, then I guess I should be relatively happy--I just feel that some sentences are slightly drawn-out and that there should be a more concise way to say things. Thanks again.
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Mister Micawber to receive unpaid labour without offering (Needs reorganization; the meaning is confused)

After scratching my head for a couple of minutes, I decided fixing this was a little too challenging for me. Nevertheless, here is my re-write, but I'm sure you have something better up your sleeve?

by hiring me soely to take advantage of the
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Please put your changes into a revised version so that I can check it in context.
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Dear Ms X:

I am a business graduate of X University and undertook my work placement at Y.

I am appalled at the way Y exploited the cooperative education program by hiring me to avoid having to pay someone to do the work without offering me either the possibility of a full time job after the internship or a reference. On more than one occassion I pleaded with my former superviso
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Dear Ms X:

I am a business graduate of X University and undertook my work placement at Y.

I am appalled at the way Y exploited the cooperative education program by hiring me in order to avoid having to pay someone to do the work, while offering me neither the possibility of a full time job after the internship nor a reference. On more than one occa

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