Law and order

Question

My name is Tham. I'm trying to translate an offence from my native lanuage to English. Could someone check my words and grammars mistake in this paragraph for me, please? I'll appreciate any help.

On December 19, the Criminal Police Task Force of Ho Chi Minh City arrested David (33 years) and Jony (35 years) on the crime of property robbery. In the afternoon of the previous two days, a woman who serves cafe come back house-door in hamlet 3 of Hung Long commune (Binh Chanh district), David and Jony were riding each other on the motorbike and rounding her. She paused slightly, shouting when she was snatched the chain by the name sitting behind. The victim was chasing the two robbers who had just snatched her chain, shouting up hopelessly, but no one could intervene. Images of camera recorded all of David and Jony's behaviors and spreading on the internet, causing many people pressed. The task force was hunting two robbers through their identities and license plate. At dawn today, David and Jony were arrested. They admitted their behaviors. They said the chain of victim was sold with price of VND 5 million and divide on spending. They both have many criminal records. Police in Binh Chanh district will handle the investigation into this case.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Nguy?n H?ng Th?mgrammars

It's just grammar. Don't add s.

Nguy?n H?ng Th?marrested David (33 years)

It should be 33 years old.

Nguy?n H?ng Th?mJony (35 years)

You should also add the word old here.

Nguy?n H?ng Th?mon the crime of property robbery.

This is wordy and clumsy. You can rewrite it as for property robbery.

Nguy?n H?ng Th?ma woman who serves cafe

This is strange and unclear. You should explain it.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

THe highlighted text has mistakes. I do not understand some of your writing.

On December 19, the Criminal Police Task Force of Ho Chi Minh City arrested David (33 years old / 33) and Jony (35 years) on for the crime of ~~property~~ robbery. In the afternoon of the previous two days, (You can't have one afternoon on two days. Do you mean "two days ago, in the afternoon"? ) a woman who serves coffee ~~cafe~~ come (wrong form) back house-door ( came out of her back door) in hamlet 3 of Hung Long commune (Binh Chanh district), (comma splice error) David and Jony were riding ~~each other on the~~ motorbikes and rounding (wrong word - passing) her. She paused slightly, shouting when she was snatched the chain by the name (??) sitting behind. The victim was chasing the two robbers who had just snatched her chain, (Necklace?) shouting up hopelessly, but no one could intervene. ~~Images of camera~~ A surveillance camera recorded all of David and Jony's behaviors and spreading on the internet, causing many people pressed. (??) The task force was hunting two robbers through their identities and license plate. At dawn today, David and Jony were arrested. They admitted their behaviors. They said the chain of victim was sold with price of VND 5 million and divide on spending. (??) They both have ~~many~~ long criminal records. Police in Binh Chanh district will handle the investigation into this case.

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