Last request for corrections :) : a letter to a Prof.

Question

I have a last request for corrections. It is a letter to a prof, he has already access to my whole profile.
Thank you again for your valuable time.
Dear BIGPROF1,
First of all, thank you for the valuable time you are willing to put in considering my application.
I was browsing the SOMETOPOLOGYJOURNAL, together with the mathematics genealogy project, when I came to the somewhat striking discovery that some of the topologists there at NEARBYCITY2-BIGCITY1 have a point in common. So this brought me to have a more closer look at your work. I will admit that I am not at this moment able to judge what are the fine differences in each one's particular work (that is, among the 3 researchers in the topology research group), but I know that if some opportunity is present, this is a topic that I would like to investigate in more depth. Perhaps you, (or some other member of the group,) have some pending project from which one can derive a PhD dissertation?
I have some more and more growing interest in these topics, and I am enthusiast about joining the set theory and topology research environment there at CITY1-BIGCORP. (From my personal experience, and in my opinion, the environment plays a very strong role in a student's success.) Also, I plan to do some more further readings this summer (with my Mendelson and Munkres textbooks at hand) to be able to understand a greater part of the articles on your website and to be able to see in what particular directions are oriented your research.

My complete application package should have arrived in the graduate office by now, the information in there should put more context to all what I have said in this e-mail.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Firstname Lastname.

Usenet · Accepted Answer

At 05:28:05 on Wed, 25 Jan 2006, mozert11 (Email Removed) wrote in (Email Removed):
[nq:1]I have a last request for corrections. It is a letter to a prof, he has already access to my whole profile.[/nq]
(snip)
[nq:1]My complete application package should have arrived in the graduate office by now, the information in there should put more context to all what I have said in this e-mail.[/nq]
In your first request, you referred to this as a letter, as you do again here at the start. At the end, we find out that it is only an e-mail.

The level of formality expected in a letter is much higher than that expected in an e-mail. I responded on the basis that you were planning a letter, and others may well have done the same.

Molly Mockford
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety - Benjamin Franklin (My Reply-To address *is* valid, though may not remain so for ever.)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I was browsing the SOMETOPOLOGYJOURNAL, together with the mathematics genealogy project, when I came to the somewhat striking discovery that some of the topologists there at NEARBYCITY2-BIGCITY1 have a point in common.[/nq]
In common with whom?
Do you mean "some of the topologists there at NEARBYCITY2 have a point in common with those at BIGCITY1?
So this brought me to have a more closer look at your work. ^^ Redundant
[nq:1]I will admit that I am not at this moment able to judge what are the fine differences in each one's particular work (that is, among the 3 researchers in the topology research group),[/nq]
Between the various researchers???
but I know that if some - any-
[nq:1]opportunity is present I have some more and more growing interest in these topics,[/nq]
I have an increasing (or growing) interest
and I am
[nq:1]enthusiast[/nq]
enthusiastic
about joining the set theory and topology research
[nq:1]environment there at CITY1-BIGCORP. (From my personal experience, and in my opinion, the environment plays a very strong role in ... of the articles on your website and to be able to see in what particular directions are oriented your research.[/nq]
in what particular directions your research is oriented

A few more pernickety things of style, but I wouldn't want you to stop sounding mid-European. Afetr all, the stereotypical mad academic has a strong Lobachevskian accent.
As when in a freshers' week cheese-and-wine party at University, a staff member asked my new mate Steve "And vere are you coming from?". Steve, from the Black Country, replied "Oi'm frum Wallsall."

"You are coming from Warsaw? I, too, am coming from Warsaw!!!"

"Naw, Oi'm frum WALLSALL"..
Paul Burke

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I have a last request for corrections. It is a letter to a prof, he has already access to my whole profile. Thank you again for your valuable time. Dear BIGPROF1, So this brought me to have a more closer[/nq]
No, you can't say 'more closer', just 'closer'
[nq:1]but I know that if some opportunity is present, this is a topic that I would like to investigate in more depth.[/nq]
Whether the opportunity is present or not you would like to study. Better perhaps then : "I would like to ..depth if I have (or get) the opportunity"
[nq:1]Perhaps you, (or some other member of the group,) have some pending project from which one can derive a PhD dissertation?[/nq]
Perhaps "which could form the basis of a PhD disseration"
[nq:1]I have some more and more growing interest[/nq]
See above concerning 'more'. If you want to emphasise, then "I have an increasing interest in..." otherwise just 'growing'.
[nq:1]in these topics, and I am enthusiast about joining the set theory and topology research environment there at CITY1-BIGCORP. (From my personal experience, and in my opinion, the environment plays a very strong role in a student's success.)[/nq]
Drop the 'in my opinion'. It's almost tautological, for your experience has already brought you to that conclusion, i.e. given you that opinion.
[nq:1]Also, I plan to do some more further readings this summer[/nq]
Far, further, furthest. No 'more'.
[nq:1](with my Mendelson and Munkres textbooks at hand) to be able to understand a greater part of the articles on your website and to be able to see in what particular directions are oriented your research.[/nq]
Change the end to "directions your research is oriented"
[nq:1]My complete application package should have arrived in the graduate office by now, the information in there should put more context to all what I have said in this e-mail.[/nq]
"Give more context" or "better put into context"
These are just tweaks as the small errors give you away as a non-native speaker, but they are just tweaks really, and can be tweaked differently. As others have said, your English is excellent and I'm sure you'll have no trouble. Good luck in your endeavours.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]"Naw, Oi'm frum WALLSALL"..[/nq]
We all have our crosses to bear my friend ;-)

Last request for corrections :) : a letter to a Prof.

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