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Anonymous Posted 12 years ago
Vocabulary
Language help
I am attempting to write fiction,but I realize that I am not aware of how very common things are described in natural English. Could you help me with the following piece of text?
He reminisced the time they used to have lunch together at the office cafeteria. One particular memory amazed him at how unassuming they had become with each other: putting leftovers from his plate on hers. Almost invariably the thrifty man at the food counter would serve less than enough rice and he would have to ask for a little more. He would usually finish the whole food and get his money’s worth, but on this occasion he couldn't. To get to the area where they disposed of the used plates they had to pass by the food counter, and he did not want the food counter guy to see him wasting what he had coerced out of him. So he asked her if he could put the left over on her plate. With flimsy protests she agreed. Having done it he realized how embarrassing and even selfish it was. What an onlooker might have thought!! But she said it was alright and not to mind.
He reminisced the time they used to have lunch together at the office cafeteria. One particular memory amazed him at how unassuming they had become with each other: putting leftovers from his plate on hers. Almost invariably the thrifty man at the food counter would serve less than enough rice and he would have to ask for a little more. He would usually finish the whole food and get his money’s worth, but on this occasion he couldn't. To get to the area where they disposed of the used plates they had to pass by the food counter, and he did not want the food counter guy to see him wasting what he had coerced out of him. So he asked her if he could put the left over on her plate. With flimsy protests she agreed. Having done it he realized how embarrassing and even selfish it was. What an onlooker might have thought!! But she said it was alright and not to mind.
Top answer
Seeing no response I am beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with the post.
- Seeing no response I am beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with the post.
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5 Answers
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Seeing no response I am beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with the post.
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Unfortunately, people are often reluctant to edit this much text, because it takes a lot of time.
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Thank you. In that case I would be happy to take a general advice on the whole text.
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It's very good, but not perfect and not completely natural.
He reminisced about the time they used to have lunch together at the office cafeteria. One particular memory amazed him: how unassuming they had become with each other, putting leftovers from his plate on hers. Almost invariably the parsimonious man at the food coun
He reminisced about the time they used to have lunch together at the office cafeteria. One particular memory amazed him: how unassuming they had become with each other, putting leftovers from his plate on hers. Almost invariably the parsimonious man at the food coun
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Thank you very much. Perhaps unassuming is a poor choice. What I want to mean is that they did not pretend to be sophisticated around each other, they could make such not so refined demands of each other. Also as you point out flimsy would not make much sense , I should perhaps use 'mild' instead.
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