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Creativeguru Posted 18 years ago
Grammar

Kinldy help me to make it professional ..urgent



I am writing this to CEO of company so please kindly help me to make the language very crisp and professional
In reference to our meeting on Saturday 25/10/2008 it was decided to create a communications nerve cell. The objective of this would be centralize and control the communications activity and spends. As Religare grows and expands it is imperative that certain expenses are controlled by the corporate office. Media spends need to be controlled or else they may spiral into a huge expense. Also creating a central controlling cell would help in making sure the right communication is seen in the necessary media, thus curtailing unnecessary expenditure.This cell would plan and buy the entire spends across the group. This would give us maximum efficiencies of scale on media buying ensuring we get the lowest cost resulting in maximum savings across all group companies.
  

Top answer

Creative: You have used a lot of words when a few will be effective. The purpose of this letter is not clear to me. Is this only some meeting minutes, or are you requesting approval.

  • Creative: You have used a lot of words when a few will be effective.
  • The purpose of this letter is not clear to me.
  • Is this only some meeting minutes, or are you requesting approval.
  • Is this for internal communications or external communications?
  • Was the CEO at the meeting or not?
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7 Answers
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Creative:
You have used a lot of words when a few will be effective. The purpose of this letter is not clear to me. Is this only some meeting minutes, or are you requesting approval. Is this for internal communications or external communications? Was the CEO at the meeting or not? Here is an example:

In our meeting on Saturday 25/10/2008, we decided to create a communicati
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I will go one step further than Alphecca - state right up front what you want the CEO to do.

I am requesting your approval of a recommendation by ...

I also want to second Alphecca's comments about too many words. There's no need to "grow and expand" - pick one.

Be more direct: By centralizing, we can maximize the effectiveness of our communications dollars (or w
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Thanks a lot for your kind help dear

It is just a recommendation to CEO that he should have centralized media activites under its headquarters, CEO didnt attended the last meeting and we need the approval from him regarding the same.
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Do you want ot rewrite the letter to the CEO taking into account the suggestions of both posts, and repost your letter?
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It would be helpful if you cxould do that indeed i have part II in other post if you can club both the post together

Thanks
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Not me, CG. You. Do YOU want to rewite it?
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yes i want to rewrite it, if i will post it as soon as i will write it.

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