Kindly fix error if any

Question

A woman is the greatest and the precious gift we receive from the Almighty. On the Woman’s Day, we are launching special collection, The Renaissance Collection

Inspired by the Renaissance Era, each Renaissance jewellery piece is as unique as you are. ‘The Renaissance Collection’ is about romance, fantasy and sophistication. Come and join us on the launch these astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. It’s for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

Doll · Accepted Answer

CreativeguruA woman is the greatest and the most precious gift we receive from the Almighty. On the Women’s Day, we are launching a special collection, The Renaissance Collection.
Inspired by the Renaissance Era, each Renaissance jewellery piece is as unique as you are. ‘The Renaissance Collection’ is about romance, fantasy and sophistication. Come and join us on the launch of this astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. They are for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

Hoa Thai · Answer

Doll
CreativeguruA woman is the greatest and the most precious gift we receive from the Almighty. On the Women’s Day, we are launching a special collection, The Renaissance Collection.
Inspired by the Renaissance Era, each Renaissance jewellery piece is as unique as you are. ‘The Renaissance Collection’ is about romance, fantasy and sophistication. Come and join us on the launch of this astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. They are for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

Hi,

In my opinion, the underlined part should be reworded as follows:

this collection of astounding pieces of gold jewelery. They

Yoong Liat · Answer

Hi

Come and join us on the launch of this astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. They are for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

I think it should be 'at the launch'.

Doll · Answer

I have no idea about "on the launch of" or "at the launch of". But, if I catch his boss, I will try to persuade him to write the paragraphs myself. <img src="http://www.EnglishForward.com/emoticons/emotion-2.gif"/> (Kidding!)

Hoa Thai · Answer

Yoong LiatHi

Come and join us on the launch of this astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. They are for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

I think it should be 'at the launch'.

Hi Yoong Liat,

'At the launch" is OK too. Some people do use 'on' (e.g., http://www.successbythebook.com/ )

When we think in term of 'a launch event', 'at' is suitable; in term of 'a launch occasion (i.e. a significant event)', 'on' could certainly be used. IMO.

Hoa Thai · Answer

Corrected:

Hoa Thai
Yoong LiatHi

Come and join us on the launch of this astounding pieces of Gold jewellery, ‘The Renaissance Collection’. They are for someone you love, someone who holds your heart. Let her heart overflow with joy.

I think it should be 'at the launch'.
Hi Yoong Liat,

'At the launch" is OK too. Some people do use 'on' (e.g., http://www.successbythebook.com/ )

When we think in terms of 'a launch event', 'at' is suitable; in terms of 'a launch occasion (i.e. a significant event)', 'on' could certainly be used. IMO.

Creativeguru · Answer

Thanks for the reply and helping me out and even i agree with you that it should be at the launch rather the on the launch but one more thing i think it should be these astounding pieces rather than this astounding pieces as pieces is plural kindly tell me

BarbaraPA · Answer

Yes, use "these" instead of "this."
Don't capitalize Gold - just gold.
I find "astouding" to be too strong. "Stunning" is perhaps a better choice.

What do you want them to do when you say "come and join us"? Are you inviting them to a party? Is there a special event going on in the store to celebrate this new jewelry line?

Also, who is this targeted to? First you say "as unique as you are" which sounds like it's targeting the lady who will wear it, but then you imply that you should buy it as a gift for someone else. It's a confused message.

Creativeguru · Answer

Thanks sir for your analytically viewing my posting, I would answer all your questions here

astounding is strong word right and I will prefer it as jewellery is targeted towards high class people
and indeed it’s in store launch of the jewellery it’s on the mother’s day. So kindly tell me what is appropriate on the launch or at the launch
it’s a loyalty programme for existing customers and ya you are right that ‘as unique as you are’ is disturbing the flow of the writing

Kindly tell which line is more appropriate

Each renaissance jewellery piece is as unique as that someone special in your life
Or
Each renaissance jewellery piece is as unique as special someone in your life

BarbaraPA · Answer

I still think that "astounding" is not the right word. It's not more "classy" than "stunning" - but it sounds like you expect the beauty of these pieces to reach the level of outright astonishment. An "astounding" piece of news is one that you can hardly believe. A "stunning" piece of jewelry is one that is so beautiful you can't bear to take your eyes away. I don't know what an "astounding" piece of jewelry is, short of something that comes from King Tut's tomb.

If it's an in-store event, you are inviting them to join you at the launch, but you should say something like "at our store on Main Street in downtown West Chester, Pennsylvanis" or wherever they are supposed to be. And on which day. Otherwise, how can they join you without know when and where?

it's as unique as that special someone in your life.

Kindly fix error if any

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions